70% of the time when someone has a step child who is: disrespectful, a liar, and/or mean-spirited the step mom is advised to” earn their respect”/“realize that U must never discipline them, your job is only to love them as if they were your own” EVEN with teenaged kids/20-something kids. 2ndly I don’t want to play shrink 4 any kids. If they're being a**holes why do I have to view it as “probable issues from the bad divorce of their parents.”ppl don't say that when their collegue/sales rep/waiter, etc is being a jerk. “the rep probably had to endure her folk’s divorce so I just need to love her.” Age 13+ shouldn’t they get their “act like a louse b/c Ur folks broke up” card revoked? If a step mom said to U, “My spouse assured me that he had respectful children & that he was a stern but fair parent. They R not & he allows them to walk all over him and me therefore he can take his coddled brats and jump ‘cause I don’t have time for it!" Wld U understand her or think she was a b i t c h?
2006-09-21 22:13:09 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Sharon other than talking on the phone a few times, no I didn't. They were in Canada with their mother when we married. Now the mother has remarried and wanted my husband to take full custody "for a few years" which he has.
2006-09-21 22:38:36 · update #1
As a 21 year old step daughter, I laid it down at the age of 10 that I will not call him dad nor will I accept him as one. My mom prior to dating him knew my status that I don't need a "father figure" in my life. Having 5 new step siblings, ontop of the 2 siblings I already have, plus 3 more on bi logical father side, I wasn't thrilled. Yet, what made my mom happy is what mattered.
If he disrespected my mom or played the "I am getting you in trouble" for something his kids provoked, I would make sure it didn't happen cuz I deserved respect as well. If he disrespected my mom, I would make it clear that I might be 13, but I have a voice and I will be heard. I am very outspoken. I told him once and he remembers it clear cuz that was the night my mom was rushed to hospital in heart failure, needed a pace maker. "Make my mom cry. I will make you cry".
I won't allow him to push me over as he won't allow me to do so. I agree, goes both ways.
However, he has his good qualities and I respect him, thank him and most of the time, get along with him.
If your spouse assured you, but it is opposite. Welcome to being sucked into it. My mom was assured the same thing. Oh lord was my step sibligns like their mother. No wonder why they either are in prison, on drugs, moochers or bad behaviors. Yet, some grew up and realized they need to grow up. Others didn't.
as I said before, you won't solve the kid problem if you don't solve the marriage problem. You seem to be angry you are left to deal with this. Which doesn't help the fact it makes you more fusturated with her. Which she will know this and in return, get worse with you......
2006-09-22 21:34:11 · answer #1 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think any child"step or natural" has the right to be disrespectful of you or your home. You're the adult lay some ground rules and if the little darlings don't like it.... tough living in a clean home and have someone cook your meals and wash your clothes is a privilege not a right! If they continue to be a**holes start taking privileges away.that usually gets their attention. If their dad allows them to disrespect you and walk all over you both then you are raising another kid! You may have to teach him first!. Being a good parent is not easy. all too many today take the easy way to being a parent, they say yes and never no. Because yes means"they can do what ever they please " and all is well Saying no requires interaction between parent and child. Saying no may make the child angry but in the long run they will one day thank you for saying "no" And if their dad insist on things staying as they are,pack your bags and bid the lot of them farewell! Good Luck
2006-09-21 22:39:53 · answer #2 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry a person with kids or you are required to be all those things. I find nothing wrong with choosing not to have children, that should be just as acceptable as wanting to be a parent. She does have a right to enjoy the home too so she must lay down some rules but needs to speak with her partner with out the kids present. Being a step parent is an honor and a privilege, just like having your own natural kids, there are rewards and memories to build.
Hope that helps ~A~
2006-09-21 22:16:12 · answer #3 · answered by momsapplepeye 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
earning respect is a 2 way street. i'm not about to respect someone who does not respect me PERIOD. i don't care how old you are. respect is learned as a small child. if they don't have it, it wasn't taught in the first place.
"you must NEVER discipline them, your job is only to love them as if they were your own" umm, HELLO? 1. discipline is a way of learning and teaching. 2. wouldn't you want to teach your own children? then why not your stepchild?
the dad's of these children need to grow up and learn how to be a PARENT and not their friend or someone to walk all over.
i learned in a step parenting class that the step parent should be responsible for 1/2 of what the parent who does the least does.
2006-09-22 01:58:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, did you happen to meet these kids before you said "I do"? Didn't you spend any tiime trying to get to know them? They may be total jerks, but you should have known what they were like before you agreed to take them on! I know I sound totally on their side, but I really do see your point, too. You should not be vilified because you find yourself not wanting to live this way. If you don't wanna do it, then beat feet! Nobody can chain you to that situation, and if it is that bad, then getting out might be the best thing for all of you. Noormally I wd. advise counseling, & hangin' in there, all that stuff. But it sounds like you sh** & fell back in it, girl! And now that you know for sure what you DON'T want in a relationship, don't let a single guy with kids within your line of sight; unless your packin' a S&W!!
2006-09-21 22:30:20 · answer #5 · answered by therealme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't take any **** from my stepdaughter and never will because my daughter got the same raw deal that she did when I divorced her father but i know from experience if I let my daughter get away with everything and feel sorry for her because of what happened then she will grow up thinking everything should be handed to her.As far as my stepdaughter goes i treat her how she treats me and thats simple if she wants to be treated with respect she will treat me with respect.I didn't marry her i married her father and i did not choose to have her she has her own mother and i don't want to take her mother's place.Simple as that and it may sound harsh but if you ever let a stepchild get one up on you they will play that card indefinatly.I accept her because she is a part of him but thats the only reason.
2006-09-22 05:51:11 · answer #6 · answered by samwise25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to be the step parent, always( my son is 28 and still acts like a JERK to my wife). They sound like a pretty immature group.No easy answers but I think I would tell them to grow up, deal with the reality and move on. Remember what goes around comes around so they'll get theirs down the road. Treat them with caring and kindness...yea right. Treat them like a completely untrustworthy stranger and see how they like the taste. My wife's kids seem to have those traits as well. Do I treat them like family? Hell no!! Am I nasty to them ? No. To me their just strangers and temporary visitors in MY house. And if they can't keep a civil tongue in their head they are kindly told to LEAVE.
2006-09-21 22:24:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bullsh!t, as the step parent you are part of the parental unit and so should have free rein to discipline as needed, you are not their friend or someone temporary. If you can't discipline them then you and your husband do not have an equal relationship and you need to consider getting out.
2006-09-24 07:26:55 · answer #8 · answered by Niche Jerk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i believe that you don't half to earn respect you've got to teach it,its like a rule and its up to you to enforce it.i know its hard but you still half to keep an open mind because they are kids.it seems so easy to just give up.i believe that that's whats wrong with our children today.i myself am a signal mother of 16,11,&7year old and im hard but im also understanding to.always look them in the eye when you are talking to them.you half to let them know whos boss.its prouble one of the biggest challenges youll ever face in your life.
2006-09-22 00:48:26 · answer #9 · answered by lovinonly#1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wrong!!!!!!!! a child, if he misbehaves she has to call his attention, and punish him . Like takin something he likes for couple of days. You have to discipline your kids!
Other wise they'll be runing your life!! discipline doesn't mean to hit them!!!!
2006-09-22 00:59:38 · answer #10 · answered by alfonso 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋