How Much Is The Mistakes Of Others Worth?

Question

"Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a parishioner asked his minister.

"Definitely not," was the preacher's answer.

"Are you absolutely certain?"

"Yes, my son, absolutely."

"Okay. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $25 I gave you after my wedding last year?"

Answer 1

lol also a good one

^_^ thanks again and keep it coming

Answer 2

a ha. Here's one for you...

Two old women talking over coffee happened upon the subject of sex and what they can do to excite their husbands.

The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she
gets her husband excited at night by getting totally naked, lying in bed and putting both legs behind her head, yoga style.

The second old woman thought that this was a great idea, so that
night when her husband went in the bathroom to get ready for bed, she got totally naked and began the process of putting her legs behind her head.

The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit
arthritic. However, she finally got it in place. She had an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked herself backwards until she finally got it behind her head.

However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she flipped
slightly backwards and got stuck with her butt sticking straight up in the air. It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.

"Gladys!" he exclaimed. "For heavens sake, comb your hair and put
your teeth in .... You look like an asshole

Answer 3

LOL. LOL. The honeymoon's over! LOL.

Answer 4

ahahaha

Answer 5

HORSES

> > > 1. Passionate Lady
> > > 2. Bare Belly
> > > 3. Silk Panties
> > > 4. Conscience
> > > 5. Jockey Shorts
> > > 6. Clean Sheets
> > > 7. Thighs
> > > 8. Big Dick
> > > 9. Heavy Bosom
> > > 10. Merry Cherry
> > >
> > > THEY'RE OFF!!!
> > > Conscience is left behind at the gate.
> > > Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a
> hurry.
> > > Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
> > > Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big
> Dick is in a dangerous spot.
> > >
> > > AT THE HALFWAY MARK:
> > > It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Dick
> is pressed in.
> > > Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean
> Sheets.
> > > Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on
> Bare Belly.
> > > Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big
> Dick.
> > >
> > > AT THE STRETCH:
> > > Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
> > > Big Dick is making a final drive.
> > > Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.
> > >
> > > AT THE FINISH:
> > > It's Big Dick giving everything he's got and
> Passionate Lady takes everything Big Dick has to offer.
> > > It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick comes
> through with one final thrust
> > > and wins by a head...
> > > Bare Belly shows...
> > > Thighs weakens...
> > > Heavy Bosom pulls up...
> > > & Clean Sheets never had a chance.



She say?s:

>"This place is a mess! C'mon,
> You and I need to clean up.
> Your stuff is lying on the floor,
> and if we don't do laundry right now
> you'll have no clothes to wear."
>
> What a Man Hears:
>
> blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
> blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
> blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
> blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
> blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES





A 92 year old man moved into a retirement home where he immediately met
a 90 year old woman.

They hit it off right away. After a few weeks of spending time together,
the man said, "You know, we're past our sexual years, so I wonder if it
would be okay for you to just hold my penis in your hand."

The old lady said, "Well, I guess it wouldn't do any harm just to hold
it."

So for the next three weeks, they could be found on a park bench near a
lake, she was always holding the man's penis in her hand.

One day the old man didn't show up.

Beginning to worry, the lady set out in search of him.

A few blocks away, sitting on another park bench was the old man...with
another woman.

The first old lady approached the couple and saw the other woman holding
the man's penis in her hand.

She became very upset and said to the man, "I thought we had something
special'. Now I find you with another woman, and she's holding your
penis in her hand.

What does she have that I don't have?"

The old man looked up, smiled and said, "Parkinson's."





Subject: The Blonde Painter

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a
handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.* She went
to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs
for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she
might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her
husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the
house?"
The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two
coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.


"And, by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."





The Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one Sunday morning
> and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven... which
> part of your body goes first?"
>
> Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
>
> "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" replied the teacher.
>
> Suzy answered, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
> front of you and God just takes your hands first!"
>
> "What a wonderful answer!," the teacher said.
>
> Now, Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think it's
> your legs."
>
> The teacher looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
>
> "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"
>
> Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the
> other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was
> going, 'O God, I'm coming!', and if Dad hadn't had her pinned down,
> we'd have lost her for sure!!



Did you ever wish you could remember Norm's greetings
when he entered the bar on "Cheers"?
Well, here are just a few...

SAM: "What's shaking Norm?"
NORM: "All four cheeks & a couple of chins."

SAM: "What's new Normie?"
NORM: "Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach
& they're demanding beer."

SAM: "What'd you like Normie?"
NORM: "A reason to live. Give me another beer."

SAM: "What'll you have Normie?"
NORM: "Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a
glass of whatever comes out of the tap."
SAM: "Looks like beer, Norm."
NORM: "Call me Mister Lucky."

SAM: "Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
NORM: "Like a baby treats a diaper."

WOODY: "What's the story Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut
to the happy ending."

WOODY: "Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting
for you."
NORM: "I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

SAM: "Beer, Norm?"
NORM: "Have I gotten that predictable? Good."

SAM: "Whatcha up to Norm?"
NORM: "My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

WOODY: "How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "Poor."
WOODY: "I'm sorry to hear that."
NORM: "No, I mean pour."

SAM: "How's life treating you Norm?"
NORM: "Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."

SAM: "What's going down, Normie?"
NORM: "My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

WOODY: "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "Alright, but stop me at one.....make that
one-thirty."

WOODY: "How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing
Milk Bone underwear."

SAM: "What's the story Norm?"
NORM: "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets
another beer."

WOODY: "What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "The question is, 'what's going IN Mr.
Peterson?' A beer, please."

WOODY: "Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "A little early isn't it, Woody?"
WOODY: "For a beer?"
NORM: "No, for stupid questions."





A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and
> > sees this HUGE guy standing
> > next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring
> > at him, then looks down
> > and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3
> > pound left testicle, 3
> > pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
> > The small guy faints dead away and falls to the
> > floor.
> > The big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping
> > his face and shaking
> > him.
> > When the little guy finally comes around, the big
> > guy asks him, "What's
> > wrong with you?"
> > In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse
> > me, but what EXACTLY did
> > you say to me?"
> > The big dude said, "I saw the curious look on your
> > face and figured I'd just
> > give you the answers to the questions everyone
> > always asks me. I'm 7 feet
> > tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left
> > testicle, 3 pound right
> > testicle, and my name is Turner Brown."
> > The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said
> > 'Turn around'."



Anagrams

> > > > Dormitory..................Dirty Room
> > > > Evangelist.................Devil's Agent
> > > > Desperation...............A Rope Ends It
> > > > The Morse Code........Here Come the Dots
> > > > Slot Machines...........Cash Lost in'em
> > > > Animosity.................Is No Amity
> > > > Mother-In-Law...........Woman Hitler
> > > > Snooze Alarms.........Alas! No More Z's
> > > > A Decimal Point........I'm a Dot in Place
> > > > The Earthquakes......That Queer Shake
> > > > Eleven Plus Two.......Twelve Plus One
> > > >
> > > > And the grand finale:
> > > > President Clinton of the USA
> > > > (with no letters left over, and using each letter only once)
> > > > To Copulate He Finds Interns





Most of us have learned to live with "voice mail" as a
now necessary part of our daily lives, but have you
ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to
install voice mail?

Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling Heaven. Please select one of
the following options:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thanksgivings
Press 3 for Complaints
Press 4 for all other inquiries
I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy
helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer
is important to us. Please stay on the line and your
prayer will be answered in the order in which it was
received.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1
For Jesus, press 2
For the Holy Spirit, press 3
If you would like to hear King David sing a psalm
while you are holding, press 4
To find a loved one who has been assigned to Heaven,
press 5, then enter his or her social security number
followed by the pound sign. (If you receive a negative
response, please hang up and try area code 666).
For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N
followed by the numbers 3-16. For answers to nagging
questions about dinosaurs, the age of Earth, life on
other planets, and where Noah' Ark is, please wait
until you arrive. Our computers show that you have
already prayed today. Please hang up and try again
tomorrow. This office is now closed for the weekend to
serve a religious holiday. Please pray again on
Monday, after 9:30 a.m. If you are calling after hours
and need emergency assistance, please contact your
local pastor.





.........and all this time, people thought I was rude..

Based on this research I am definitely going to change my ways and begin
living a healthy life as recommended by these medical experts.
Enjoy this article from the New England Journal of Medicine ...
NEW HEALTH WATCH! (All for the sake of your good health...)
Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women's breasts is good
for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have
discovered. According to the New England Journal of Medicine,
"Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is
roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out" declared
gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby.
Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in
Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the
health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at
busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so. The
study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood
pressure, slower resting pulse rates, and fewer instances of
coronary artery disease.
"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood
circulation," explains Dr. Weatherby. "There's no question:
Gazing at breasts makes men healthier."
"Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes
daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that
by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to
five years."





Italian, Frenchmen and Redneck...

The Italian says, "Whena I've finished a makin a love with my girlfriend, I
go downa
and gently tickle the backa her knees witha my tongue, anda she floats a 6
inches
abovea da bed in ecstasy."

The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nothing, when Ah've finished making ze love
with ze
girlfriend, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick za soles of
her feet
wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy."

The redneck says, "Dat's nothin' buddy. When I've finished doin it to my
ole lady, I
git out of bed, walks over to the winder and wipes my pecker on da
curtains. She
hits the freakin ceilin'!"



ؼspan style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> WOMEN:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are
> > > > > > smart, knowing
> > > > > > that knowledge is power. But they still know how to
> > > > > > use their softer
> > > > > > side to make a point. Women want to be the best for
> > > > > > their family, their
> > > > > > friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a
> > > > > > friend dies. They
> > > > > > have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they
> > > > > > are strong when
> > > > > > they think there is no strength left. A woman can
> > > > > > make a romantic
> > > > > > evening unforgettable. Women come in all sizes, in
> > > > > > all colors and
> > > > > > shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins.
> > > > > > They drive, fly,
> > > > > > walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care
> > > > > > about you. The heart
> > > > > > of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do
> > > > > > more than just give
> > > > > > birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion
> > > > > > and ideals. They
> > > > > > give moral support to their family and friends. And
> > > > > > all they want back
> > > > > > is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to
> > > > > > people you come in
> > > > > > contact with.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > MEN:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and fixing ****.





ؼspan style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'> Life is easy for men
>
> Your *** is never a factor in an interview.
> Your orgasms are real. Always.
> Your last name stays put.
> The garage is all yours.
> Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
> Wedding plans take care of themselves.
> Chocolate is just another snack.
> You can be president.
> You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
> Foreplay is optional.
> You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
> Car mechanics tell you the truth.
> You don't give a rat's *** if someone notices your new haircut.
> The world is your urinal.
> Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
> You never have to drive to another gas station
> because this one's just too icky.
> You don't have to schedule sex, vacations, wearing that new outfit, etc.,
> around your reproductive system.
> Same work...more pay.
> Wrinkles add character.
> You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
> Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
> If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
> People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
> The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
> New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
> Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
> Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
> Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything
> different?"
> Going shirtless in public is perfectly acceptable.
> No panty hose.
> One mood, all the time.





<< A woman is enjoying a good game of bridge with
> her girlfriends one
> evening.when suddenly she jumps up. "Oh, no! I
> have to rush home and fix
> dinner for my husband! He's going to be really
> ticked if it's not ready on
> time."
>
> When she gets home, all she has in the cupboard is
> a wilted lettuce leaf,
> an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she
> opens the can of cat food,
> stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce
> leaf just as her
> husband is pulling up.
>
> She greets her husband and then watches in horror
> as he sits down to his
> dinner. To her surprise, the husband is really
> enjoying it.
>
> "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for
> me in forty years of
> marriage. You can make this for me any old day."
>
> Needless to say, every bridge night from then on,
> the woman made her
> husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies
> about it and they were
> all horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they
> exclaimed.
>
> Two months later, her husband died.
>
> The next bridge night, the women were sitting
> around the table playing
> bridge when one of the cronies said, "You killed
> him! We told you that
> feeding him that cat food every week would do him
> in! How can you just sit
> there so calmly and play bridge knowing you
> murdered your husband?"
>
> The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He
> fell off the mantel
> while he was licking his ***."



At age 85, Morris marries a lovely 25-year-old woman. Because her new
husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they
should have separate bedrooms. She is concerned that the old fellow
could overexert himself.

After the wedding festivities she prepares
herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting.
Sure enough, the knock comes and there is her 85- year-old groom ready
for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well, whereupon he
takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.

After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and there old Morris is
again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further
coupling, which is again successful. The octogenarian once again bids
her a fond good night and leaves. She is certainly ready for slumber at
this point, and, after a few more minutes, is close to sleep.

But, for the third time, there's a knock at the door and there he is
again fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for more. Again, they ravish one
another. As they're basking in the afterglow, the young bride says to
him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you have enough to go at
it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were
only good for one time. You're a great lover, Morris."

Morris, looking quite confused, turns to her and asks, "You mean I was
here already?



The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly man.
His clothes were all disheveled and he looked needy.
Can I help you?" the madam asked.
"I want Natalie," the old man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps
someone else....."
"No, I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that
she charges $1,000 per visit. The man never blinked and
reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills.
The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man
calmly left.
The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie
explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row
and that there were no discount...It was still $1,000.
Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the
room and he calmly left an hour later.
When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could
believe it.
Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went.
At the end of the hour, Natalie questioned the old man: "No
one has ever used my services three nights in a row ... where
are you from?"
The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."
"Really?" replied Natalie, "I have a sister who lives there."
"Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your Father died. She gave
me $3,000 to give to you.





A guy is having a drink in a bar. A lot of drinks. A very dark bar. He
> leans over to the big woman next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear a
> funny blonde joke?"
>
> The big woman replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should
> know something. Sure, I'm blonde, and six feet tall, 210 lb. and I'm a
> professional triathlete and bodybuilder. The blonde woman sitting next
> to me is 6'2" and 220; she's an ex-pro wrestler. Next to her is a
> blonde who's 6'5", weighs 250 lb., and she's a kick boxer professional. Now,
> do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"
>
> The guy blinks and swallows, thinks about it a second and says; "No,
> not? if I'm going to have to explain it three times."


































girl Kicker