How big a loser am I and can you give me advice?

Question

Ok as a child I was very ill - from birth to 8yrs old , 12 hours plus in bed sleeping - it lead to an over active imagination.
Never went to school grade 6 tops and even then I didn't attend more than 25 % of the classes

High school 2 maybe 3 credits - just didn't go.
Lied about my education all my life - made up stories about who I am and where I am from all my life . Lost a girlfriend that way - told her I was from England (not from England)
Lived on welfare stayed with my parents until they died and then lived on the streets for 4 years hitch hiking accross the country in and out of many psche wards in various hospitals .
Got a job got of the street - Never told anyone how screwed up I am there is more of course but you get the idea -

Is there any hope for me or am I too far gone now to ever go anywhere in life ?

Angela M
I hate to say this but I am an extremely good liar and an extremely good mimick and yes to a degree I have turned my life around as of late - I would never admit to the above before I am not really asking to be believed. I am a really smart guy but I have lead a screwed up life . The fact that I can read and type etc is because when I was skiping school I stayed home and read so I should say I have no formal education

Answer 1

Well you asled the question which leads to the belief there is great hope there.You have survived thus far so there has got to be intelligence there. No I don't thnk you are too far gone...maybe just the beginning.

Answer 2

Whether or not you can go anywhere in life depends on where you want to go.

Can you start from where you are and become President of the United States? Probably not, but then again George W. Bush did almost nothing with his life before he was 40.

Can you have a decent life, with a measure of happiness and self-respect? Why not?

Don't deny your past, don't deny your disadavantages, and don't expect to be someplace that you might have been if things had been different. And don't try to make up for lost years. Accept what you've lost and move on from there.

Set realistic, small goals for yourself. You have a job, so build from that. You don't have to shoot for the moon. Seek attainable goals: a raise, a promotion, a job that's somehow a step up from where you are now. Don't demand of yourself that you be rich and famous, or that you have the same things as other people. If you manage to have a decent job, enough money to live on, are becoming mentally healthy, and have some hope for the future, that's more than enough. The truth is, the vast majority of people in this world live humble, ordinary lives, and find it a struggle just to survive. Just surviving and getting through life in this world is something to be proud of.

It sounds like you've had a difficult life, so with your disadvantages, you should be proud of any accomplishment, no matter how small. Which is more impressive, the healthy man who walks ten miles, or the crippled man who walks ten feet? The crippled man may accomplish less, but he struggles more. Be proud of your struggle, regardless of the results.

Despite your lack of education, you seem literate and intelligent. Your life may have been troubled, but it sounds like an interesting story. You might think about writing a book, or maybe a blog, about your experience. Even if no one reads it, you may find it therapeutic. And if your story does find its way to readers, you may be surprised that there are many people out there who would find your life interesting, and can identify with your experience.

Just go forward, and don't worry about where you're going. Nobody else really knows where life is going either. Live one day at a time, moving forward in small steps, and remember that your life is about the journey, not the destination.

Answer 3

You are absolutely not "too far gone". In fact, today is the first day of the rest of your life! You are here, reaching out and placing your cards on the table.

Whatever happened in your background can be used to benefit your future life. Rather than thinking of yourself as a loser, I would suggest that you are a survivor! You didn't ask to start your life that way, but on your own you have managed to make your way to this point in time.

So, being a survivor requires many skills and abilities. Your life skills are your best education and worth a lot to any situation.

You may need some guidance to get yourself on a path and start climbing the mountain to achieve what you want in life.
Although there is great hope for the rest of your life, it might be difficult to know where to start. Look anywhere you can for guidance.. through your county social services, previous medical providers, a local mental health center or other community services.
If you are getting any assistance through county welfare or disability services, I would suggest that you ask for help to turn your life around, rather than just surviving. There are many services that offer vocational training, counseling and mentoring. There are people in the system who would be eager to help you.

But you need to be determined.
You need to stop thinking you screwed up!
Believe in yourself and recognize all the abilities and life skills you have and be proud that you made it this far.
Don't give up on yourself! Cut the words loser and "screwed up" from you vocabulary!

Your new positive attitude will bring you a new life.

Believe in yourself, and best wishes.

Answer 4

Well, Bob, you certainly don't have a great track record, but it's never too late unless you give up on yourself.

I was a drunk for 25 years, homeless for about 5 years in the 90s. I quit drinking in 2001 and today I'm very happily married and have been working with people with substance abuse and mental health issues.

If I was in your shoes, I'd contact whatever government job skills agency there is in your parts, they'll probably set up up with GED program to get you high school diploma, then train you for something where you can make a fairly decent wage. If you can't find that sort of agency, check the unemployment office.

Don't let your past take away your future! Good luck.

Answer 5

First of all, don't give yourself negative labels. You are not a loser. Be nicer to yourself. If you really don't like something about yourself, then it is up to you to change it, and yes, you do have the power. No one else can do that for you, just you.

Never give up hope. There is always a way back from the edge - sometimes it's harder to see through all the wreckage strewn about you, but it's always possible.

You seem to be very creative. You know how to write; have you considered writing your story, your memoirs, telling the truth and sharing all the lies you shared.

Any learned behaviour can be unlearned, and you can learn new behaviours. I've read that something repeated 28 times makes it a habit.

Be nice to yourself - pat yourself on the back for coming so far. You have a job now, and more to look forward to.

I have a very similar background to yours. I was on my own since 15, lived on the streets, supported myself, got jobs in bars, met a few wonderful boyfriends but I couldn't maintain a relationship.

Things take time - give yourself time to pursue your dreams. I'm 38 and bought a house this year - that's a far stretch from sleeping under stairwells in apartment buildings! I write part time, and will one day be published. That's my dream.

Yes, it will take many long steps to get there, and there will always be lessons to be learned along the way, but everything is possible.

What is your dream for yourself?

Answer 6

There is always hope. Remember this saying: Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I think it's important not to lie to people. It doesn't mean you spill your guts when you first meet, it just means that you don't make stuff up. It sounds like you may have been or may be depressed. Have you ever gotten help for this? I think counseling might benefit you and help to improve your self esteem. You might not be proud of your past, but there is no reason to be ashamed of the fact that you are turning your life around and getting things together. Best of luck to you!

Answer 7

No, your not to far gone....... It's never to late.... Or as they say It's better late than never..... You should be proud of yourself for getting the job and and getting off the street... That is the first step and that was prob the hardest...
Take it one day at a time and never give up... Try to see if you can educate yourself and maybe get a GED.. Just don't give up on yourself. :) If you can't believe in yourself how can anybody else believe in you either...

Answer 8

There is hope for you.

I was a girl born into a family who preferred boys over girls.

I have a brother who was a year younger then me and when he was born, no one else in my family carries me. I was forced to learn to walk at 1 year and even when I can only stumble and hold onto the adult's clothes, they could not care less. For your information, I have 3 brothers after me and they were the love of the family.

Since young, I wanted love and attention and I had 'friends' who were really good to me. I had to start working at 10 to earn my keep and my school fees. I started smoking and taking drugs at the age too. Sniffing glue, taking pills, upgrading to Ketamine when I was 16 and estacy pills and ice at 17.

I was working in a night club on weekends when I was only 14 as my father did not bring any money home and me being the eldest girl had to bring some money home. I worked full time in a bar for japanese customers only at the age of 16. While I was entertaining disgusting old men in a karaoke bar (no sex), they were at home relaxing or gambling away the money.

I went to a juvenile prison as I was beyond my parents control and they could not care less. My father even accused me of being an embarassment to the family. He was so worried when my brother was in prison for an even more serious offence. He threaten to kill someone.

I had a small tattoo on my shoulder blade. My brother decided to get a big tattoo on his back after he sees his friends having tattoos. My father blamed it on me and slapped me for it.

When I was about to get married, he said that my family will have no money and I am still expected to feed the family.

While pregnant and not working, he wanted money and when I told him that I do not have any, he scolded me.

When I wanted to bring my youngest brother to my place for a night cap, he said I am showing off now that I have my own home and quit being so proud now that I am married.

I am only 25 and I have 2 beautiful kids.

Admidst all these, I manage to continue my studies and got a stable job as I did not want to end up like them.

I encourage you to do something useful like attending a course or any thing that increases your knowledge.

My grandmother re-married at 55 years, 10 years after she came out of a abusive relationship with my grandfather.

You can do it!

Answer 9

From sleeping all day until you were 8, because of illness to walking the streets after your parents died....Wow....you have legs, a mind, too (hint: over active imagination)...a mouth to speak (hint: lied about dis 'n dat)....it's time to straighten up boy! Use all those things God has blessed you with to turn your life around. First step: find a Born Again Christian church...attend the service and mingle....Good luck to your future...a better you!!!!

Answer 10

Thats not lame, just sad & you aren't the only one. My advise is to speak the truth, it really will set you free. Try to find love. The fact that you are on the net shows that you have skills. You say you lied your way to this point so maybe a life as a salesman will be suitable for you?