My family spoils my daughter.?

Question

My mom, her sister, my grandmother. They buy her every thing she needs wants and more. I really appreciate them helping out now and then. My fiance too her shoping the other day and she threw a fit because he wouldn't buy her what she wanted. I've been so worried something like that was going to happen. If there is one thing I can't stand, it's children that don't mind their parents. And I really really don't want my children to be that way. I have a feeling this all has to do with the fact that when ever she goes any where with any of them they buy her things. Weather she needs them or not. Help! How do I take control of this situation. No matter what I say, they are not going to change. I grew up getting spoiled by them, and I really don't want that for my baby girl.

Answer 1

My family does the same to my boys, but I have learned that when it comes to how your daughter behaves, it is up to you to set the rules and guidelines for the behavior. Children will ususally do this no matter what (spoiled or not) and parents have to continually fight and uphill battle to gain control. Granted it doesn't help at all that they give in, but just know that they are showing their love the only way they know how and if you try to interject, you could cause something to be lost in the relationship for both your daughter and your relatives. I am speaking from personal experience with both sides perspective.

Just think it could be worse - they could treat her with hate and cruelty instead. Read the book "A Child Called It" by David Peltzer. By the end of the book, you will really be grateful that your family loves your little girl.

Answer 2

"She asked her not to buy me so much over and over again, with no sucess. Then told her I didn't respect anything and that she would dontate the stuff I didn't need to the needy. We would go through my room and I would fill a black garbage bag with the stuff that I really wanted and the rest went to the needy. I'm pretty sure that you would only have to do this once. They would be mad at you but you would get your point across! "

I do agree with this until I realized that this will be "punnishing" the child for something this child doesn't realize why being punnished for of getting rid of "her" personal items that grandma or aunt or great g-ma gave her that "means" something to her.

You still won't solve her upsetness in stores nor won't solve the issue with the fact she will develop the "you are the bad guy" for taking it away as someone else is giving it to her.

I feel you need to address the issue and be the parent by saying you are being disrespected as a mother and it is time to take action if they do not respect your up bringin wishes of your daughter. If that means limited contact, then so be it. Time to put your foot down and let them know you appreciate their help, but this has already caused a very big behavioral problem that will GET WORSE. My niece and nephew are like that cuz my sister is a big spender where she goes. They are 5 and 9 and will cause a big scene with her. (not with me cuz I nip it quick! One time and only time it happened was I put everything down, walked them out in the truck, drop them off with out going for icecream. They learned they act up, we leave with nothing, period).

Answer 3

Setting limitations with your family is a good start. Explain to all of them that while you appreciate their generosity, you don't want your daughter to grow up thinking that she will get everything she wants in life, it just doesn't work that way. If that doesn't work, then when she gets home from spending time with these people, sit her down and explain to her that if she wants to keep her new toy, sweater, book, whatever it is, then she will have to give up something else in order to keep the new one. Explain to her that there are other kids in this world that aren't as lucky as her and that they don't have as many nice things so the two of you will donate the no-longer-wanted item to some charity for the underprivileged. If she gives you a hard time about giving up something, don't give her a choice, you pick it out yourself. Take her with you to make the donation, every visual aid helps

Try to do this also, around birthdays and holidays. Recycling items that might no longer get used is a great way to trim down the sometimes overwhelming childhood possessions.

Answer 4

explain to them what happened and tell them you no longer want them buying her stuff and if they can't respect your wishes she will no longer be able to go with them. I am sure they would rather spend time with her and respect your wishes and if they do buy her something then give it back to them and explain again that she is not to have anything new as she is turning into a spoilt brat and this is not what you want for her. Then you need to break the tantrum habit. Explain she will not be receiving anything when shopping anymore and if she throws a tantrum then 10 toys will be taken away. when she throws the tantrum leave the shop immediately go home remove the toys. Do this every time and if you have to give them away to charity to make a point. Buy NOTHING unless it is her birthday or Christmas and in 12 months of tantrum free occasionally buy her a SMALL something when you are out but reinforce that it will not happen every trip.

Answer 5

i am going through the same thing with my mother in law I now have refused to let my child play wear or use anything she has gotten from them until she does something like clean her room help me fold the laundry or something like that unfortunatly for me I have tried talking to her about yet she still buys her thing now that i have starteed doing this she slowed down a bit. You can try talking to them but they probaly will say im the grandma, or aunt it my job. At least if you show your daughter that she has to work for things she will respect her things more and hopefully need less. Good Luck

Answer 6

This is going to sound really harsh, but it is what my mom did. (my grandma spoiled me so much--- I had 5 winter coats, and if my mom said no I said "grandma will buy it" )
She asked her not to buy me so much over and over again, with no sucess. Then told her I didn't respect anything and that she would dontate the stuff I didn't need to the needy. We would go through my room and I would fill a black garbage bag with the stuff that I really wanted and the rest went to the needy. I'm pretty sure that you would only have to do this once. They would be mad at you but you would get your point across!

Answer 7

Your right it is nice to have them do that every now and then and it is hard when they won't stop, my son is the same way sometimes,when he gets to the point where he starts acting selfish and mememe I just take everything he owns out of his room for a few days and won't let him do anything!eventually he starts to appriciate the things he has,especially when he only gets things back in small quanities for being good.you should try it it works,good luck.

Answer 8

You have to tell them. I hate to see that happen. Maybe limit their shopping trips, if not eliminate them altogether. She can't continue to be spoiled like this. She will grow up expecting everything and appreciating nothing. No, you don't want her turning out like that. Tell them.

Answer 9

I think you need to set some limits with your family. Your daughter needs to learn that she can't get everything she wants.

Answer 10

Flat out tell them that if they continue to buy her stuff when she doesn't need it that you will have to limit their contact with her. YOU and your fiance are her PARENTS and you have the final say.