I stay home with the two kids (12 and 2 years old) (the 12 year old is not his biological child) When he gets home from working at around 6 or 7 he goes right into punishing my 12 year old. And anytime I am punishing or explaining anything to either kid he butts his nose in and tries to take over. I have told him that he is not home enough to come in and punish right away (that my son will end up hating him) and nobody needs both parents giving them **** about the same thing. (I do not butt in when he is punishing) It isn't that he doesn't agree with the punishment, he just feels the need to "help me" or something. I don't know, but it sure makes me mad, and talking to him about it doesn't work.
2006-09-21 16:42:17 · 12 answers · asked by butterfliesbrown 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
if he wont listen its very hard....my hubby used to do the same thing.....one of the kids would be playing with the telly we are both in the lounge no says anything.....as soon as i start he jumps in....i told him if it bothered him so much he should have started disciplining them not jump on the band wagon........his alot better now but he listened.....the only thing you can do is support his punishments and explain more to the 12yr old why he is the way that he is....be the postive role in your sons life and that way if he has any ill feeling toward him he can discuss it you and you can set him straight.....good luck....parenting is hard and i dont think there is one couple that dont fight over it so this is all very very normal
2006-09-21 16:48:11 · answer #1 · answered by askaway 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Let him know that punishment for your 12 year old son is YOUR JOB and not his. Your right, if he becomes the punisher with your son, your son will start hating him. It will tear the relationship between you two. Later when he becomes a adult he will find it easier to just avoid coming to see you because of his hatred towards your husband. Explain to him that this is a non argument, he's your son, not his and you will be the ONLY decision maker when it comes to his well being.
Good Luck
2006-09-21 19:44:01 · answer #2 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
it sounds like you need to explain this to him calmly instead of getting upset about it. I agree only one should punish. And you should never contradict each other in front of the children. Honestly it sounds as if your husband is jealous of your son and vice versa. and you may be too going too light on your son that could also be making your husband upset. Or when he starts to punish your son while you are already talking to him butt in and take your son into another room just say excuse me I was dealing with this, thank you.
2006-09-21 16:47:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him about the fact that he is, whether delibrately or not, undermining you by coming in and taking over a punishment. He's teaching the kids that he doesn't trust you to be able to 'handle' dealing with their behaviour. Like Mommy can't handle it so daddy had better step in. That may not be his intention, be the children will pick up on this.
It's just as hard for a step parent as the step child. Sometimes it's hard to know whether to intervene and be seen as being mean to the step child or not intervene and be blamed as not being interested in the child that is not his.
2006-09-21 17:23:20 · answer #4 · answered by kmlloveplant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been going through the exact same situation!!! My son is 11 and not my husband's biological child. The exact same thing happens when I am disciplining Ty...My husband feels the need to step in, also drives me crazy! I also tried talking about it, explaining that he is going to make Ty resent him and got nowhere, until...We decided to go to family counseling to help my husband and Ty get along better and communicate as father and son. Let me tell you, What a huge difference in the way my husband is handling things now.
2006-09-21 16:49:11 · answer #5 · answered by **KELLEY** 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there anyone else who could talk to him? Do any of his friends have kids? You wouldn't have to tell anyone the details if you don't want to, but it would help if he heard how other dads deal with dealing with their kids (both bio and non-bio) after being away all day.
If you think he has any sort of anger issues, he needs to work on those himself. Maybe he needs to take 15 minutes when he gets home just to unwind all by himself. You could suggest that...
2006-09-21 16:49:49 · answer #6 · answered by Katherine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it truly is unusual. i ought to per chance see him calling HIS mothers and fathers, yet to call yours? It sounds like an fairly manipulative aspect to do. He would not opt to look like the undesirable guy on your mothers and fathers eyes so he calls them and get his aspect of the tale out. Very immature. Time for a sit. Fights between a guy and a spouse are inner most. If he appears like you 2 are combating too a lot then seek for help from a specialist therapist, no longer mom and pa.
2016-11-23 14:23:04 · answer #7 · answered by turick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This migth but a little off but it will work! You can get a man to do anything with sex. Or even with a bannanna or ice cream cone. Lick on them sexy lick up and down and be like hun can we talk? ("lick" lick") I really don't like it how you be trying to punish them like you do I tolled you this before."lick" "lick" Maybe you'll what to stop doing that for no on, uh? (deep thoart the bannanna and close your eyes at this point) Tease him with this and he'll stop what ever you want him too. If this dos't work say so.
2006-09-21 18:48:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You guys are going to mess up your kids if you don't get it together...sounds like your husband is passing on his frustrations from work on your 12 year old.....its easy to pick on a kid when you don't have the back bone to speak up for yourself at work....he's got to get some help and you need to do something about it before he gets out of hand and your kids starting hating the both of you....what that saying .."it shouldn't hurt to be a kid"
2006-09-21 17:09:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Clinical studies have shown that children in blended families respond best to discipline that is administered by the biological parent. Your husband has serious control issues and needs to lighten up. I wouldn't put up with it, that's for sure.
2006-09-21 16:45:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋