We have been together for 5 years now and she is definetly the one I want to be with her and she tells me that she wants to be with me. This is the woman that I want to marry and can not see myself with anyone else. She is everything I want in a woman and than some I am not saying I want to have kids tomorrow but I would eventually like to have at least 1. What do I do? Is it easier for me to end our relationship and move on and look for someone who wants kids or do i stick with her and run my chances of never having a family. I just can not see myself being this happy with anyone else. We have been through so much together and I would never leave her. But I also think that if she is 100% sure that she doesn't want kids than is it easier for me to leave now and get over her. This is my dilema and I need HELP Please!!!!
2006-09-21 16:32:14 · 14 answers · asked by kevinsweet96 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We have been together for 5 years now and she is definetly the one I want to be with her and she tells me that she wants to be with me. This is the woman that I want to marry and can not see myself with anyone else. She is everything I want in a woman and than some I am not saying I want to have kids tomorrow but I would eventually like to have at least 1. What do I do? Is it easier for me to end our relationship and move on and look for someone who wants kids or do i stick with her and run my chances of never having a family. I just can not see myself being this happy with anyone else. We have been through so much together and I would never leave her. But I also think that if she is 100% sure that she doesn't want kids than is it easier for me to leave now and get over her. This is my dilema and I need HELP Please!!!!
A little bit more again I do NOT want them tomorrow or Next year but I would eventually like them. I do have a career and she is 24 and I am 28.
2006-09-21 16:50:04 · update #1
My big question to you is how old are the two of you? If you two started your relationship when you were both young, very young, then perhaps at this young age she doesn't want kids. And I understand that you don't want them 'right now', but just want to know that she'd be up for it in the future. Perhaps at this time in her life she just doesn't see kids happening even in the future? That could just be a symptom of 'being young' though. Now, as I don't know how old either of you are I really have nothing too terribly helpful for you. It's really a matter of you weighing out your choices. If she's old enough to firmly say that she never wants kids and you do, then you should 'consider' finding someone that shares your long term life goals. It's really a matter of what you think would make you content once your life is done with. 'If' it's not about raising a child but perhaps she's caught up in what it'd do to her body which is something I'm hearing a lot of lately (which I think is rediculous, but still it's a semi-common problem) then you could possibly talk to her about adoption? Good luck to you.
2006-09-21 16:36:43 · answer #1 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This difference between you could be slow poison for your relationship. With that in mind, talk about it. Discuss with each other why you want or don't want kids. It could be she has an issue with it that can be resolved. Or maybe not.
Think about why you want kids. Is it the family life & raising them that you want, or just the continuation of your genes? If the latter, maybe being a sperm donor could be satisfactory to you.
Be honest with yourselves. If it's obvious that this will eventually break you up anyway, it would probably be better to do it on good terms rather than let things build to a point that you hate each other, so that you can at least salvage a friendship. If you end up breaking up, learn a lesson and find out about whether your next girlfriend wants kids *before* you get serious.
Just a few ideas.
2006-09-22 00:07:59 · answer #2 · answered by John's Secret Identity™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how old are you?
you are obviously too young for marriage
such statements as " she is the only one for me.. " etc.. tell me you are far too immature
and you limit yourself in think she wouldn't leave you...
well here are some fact....
85% of young married couples who think they found the "one" divorce.. 85%
55% of those who are bit older ( in there 30's ) divorce after finding the "one"
40% divorce there after ( about low 40's )
so...
once you realize you both are replaceable ina relationship
and you grow up.. get a career before having kids....
then you realize there are plenty of women who would glady marry you andh ave children..
you do yourself no favors by hanging on and think you never find some one else like her ( and by your definition... you wouldn't want to.. )
so dump her and move on...
of course she'll cry and tell you she loves you..... but
for what ever her reason this is a deal breaker....
oddly enough it's usally women who face you same dilema with men who do not want children.
2006-09-21 23:39:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sound to me like this woman that you are talking about is only interested in one thing only and that is, she wants to have a career first.
So my advice to you is stick with her for another year and if she still doesn't want to have kids then leave
2006-09-21 23:44:07 · answer #4 · answered by doubleg2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What if you found out that your girlfriend could never have children what would you do? Would you leave her, knowing she is the one, for someone who could have children or do you love her enough to stay with her and accept her how she is. If you truly love her you should have no problem accepting all her choices she chooses in her life.
2006-09-21 23:48:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did she tell you up front when your relationship began that she didn't want kids or did she just recently say this? If she told you up front then you knew what you were getting into and are stuck but if not then that's a completely different set of circumstances.
2006-09-21 23:36:51 · answer #6 · answered by scorpion187us 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you asking us when you already have your answer. If she is set on not having kids then you have to break it off now and tell her why. That way if she is not serious and there is a chance she is willing you will find out.
2006-09-21 23:35:47 · answer #7 · answered by onedzire27 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1st do u want someone tat share yr life? Or u just need someone tat gv u baby/kids? There must b a reason y she "reject" tis idea of yr, y not talk to her n find out the "real" reason behind it? Anyways human change their mind v "easy" as time goes by... perhaps aft a few years she might change her mind too....
Btw having a kid need a lots of "work"...it nt just giving birth.... it abt commitment n it will "change" yr life ....etc....
2006-09-21 23:41:23 · answer #8 · answered by D@ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
1st. Decide how important the issue of having a child is.
2nd. Does she not want children at all or doesn't want to have children? ( if that is the case maybe adoption).
3rd If she toatally does not want kids and it's a deal breaker,
move on.
2006-09-21 23:38:08 · answer #9 · answered by asitcomes 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you love her 100%, and want to have kids from her, why don't you get engaged to her? That way you guys can be together in the right way.
2006-09-21 23:34:15 · answer #10 · answered by forest_without_sounds 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋