Suicide! This is serious. (Why would anyone humiliate themselves like this otherwise?)?

Question

I keep on having these crazy images in my head of horrible things like beating myself to death or slitting my throat and I'm really just hanging on by a thread. I sit here immobile for fear of doing something devastating the moment I get up. I'm already trying to see a therapist but that will take a few weeks because of money problems. I really have no idea why I'm posting this except that I'm really desperate and manic and there's no way I'm going downstairs and talking to my dad about this. There's no one to call...all of my friends are away in other cities or just very busy. I really don't want to kill myself, I know it's not the answer...but these thoughts just invade my mind and try to possess me. This was sudden, it's been slowly creeping into my head for years, but I've never felt this panicked. I feel like I might actually do something if I don't calm myself down.
Help! Just tell me I'm stupid or something. I'll get mad and then spend my energy bitching about you.

Thank you all so much. I hope I can get across to someone how you all have helped me just within the past ten minutes. I'm still sitting here, getting little more accomplished than staying alive (3 exams next week), but maybe I shouldn't worry about that so much right now.
My suicidal thoughts just turned into a big fat cry-fest. I never cry. Maybe I can move on from here.
Thank you.

Answer 1

OK - SLOW DOWN for a minute my friend - and I do not say "my friend" casually - give me a few moments to type you a message ok ?

I'm a Dad - I have daughters your age - and sometimes the day-to-day pressures of life pull me into my own little world and I don't connect with then as well as I should and you can share a roof with someone and lose touch and communication slowly gets awkward - but that does not mean that love is gone - you need to reach out to your Dad - I think he might surprise you - believe me - he does not want something bad to happen to you .... more is coming ...hang on ....

OK - truth is we ALL go through what you're experiencing (I have been plagued by violent nightmares all my life and i'm 48 now) - sadness and depression touch many of us - for some it is managable -for others it is overwhelming - but the thing you must realize is that these things that are in your head - your dreams - your fears - your overwhelming feelings - as real as they seem to you, they are not necessarily reality - you may not see it but love may be no further away than your Dad - help may be no further away than a priest or minister at a church - a caring shoulder no further away than that nice guy who is looking at you in math class - but you need to reach out. I have never met you - I will never meet you - but I care enough and am touched enough by what you have written to do my best to urge you PLEASE step back from the edge and take a good look at those people into whose arms you can find comfort. As cruel as the world is, caring is as common as the grass if you give those people - your Dad, that priest, that guy, your girlfriend, a chance - don't give up on them and they won't give up on you. I give you my word, the last thought that will go through my mind tonight as I put my head on my pillow will be prayer that God stays close to you and sends you an angel in some form - and this hope that you will do the sensible thing and seek help rather than give in to depair. In Christ's name I ask this.

Email me anytime - [e-mail]

Answer 2

If these images and thoughts have been creeping in your head for years, it could be a past life your seeing. Which can make you think your crazy when in fact your just seeing a clip of a previous life. I have had similar things happen. Flashbacks, dreams and so on. I have this one recurring dream since I was a little girl of being trapped in a burning house and it is so real. The colors, smell and the period I was in was the 1800's. I don't like fire, it freaks me out.
I hope your therapist is very open minded and could see the possibility of this. If I am wrong then you may just be depressed and getting help is the right thing to do. What you could do is write. Write down what you feel and experience in your head. I have very deep emotional feelings and I write very morbid poetry, of death, suicide but that does not mean I am going to go do it. It is a way of getting it out without really acting upon it.
If you can try to meditate. Ask your higher power to take these thoughts and fears out of your head and heart as they do you no good. Tell your higher power (God, or whoever you chose) to remove all negative energies associated with any previous life you may have lead. You may not believe in reincarnation as I do and that is your very right to but sometimes things happen that really no one can explain, so have an open mind and heart and just tell your higher power what you want.
Good luck to you my dear and if you ever want to talk just email me.

Answer 3

STOP! I know that it isn't easy but take a deep breath and stop. You say that you are manic and waiting for an appointment with your Therapist. You need to see a Psychiatrist not a therapist because a therapist cannot prescribe drugs. Look for a Community Mental Health Clinic. They are usually free if you don't have the money to pay for them. If you are working they may make you pay on a sliding scale. Some thoughts of obsession could be a sign of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Your mind stays fixated on one thing, that is the compulsion. I have it and there is a drug out there called Luvox just for OCD. If you really feel like you are going to do yourself in please do yourself a favor and save others a lot of hurt and go to the nearest hospital with a Psychiatric floor. You may need some inpatient care to get you started on a regimen of medications. Good Luck. If you would like to talk my e-mail is [e-mail]. I would be more than happy to talk to you. God Bless

Answer 4

Serious answer! Let me first say that everyone has had general suicide thoughts, but many dont' act upon them. Even I have visualized myself, but not fantasized about ways to die. I'm only saying this because that process is pretty natural. A major concern should be if you are taking steps to "act" upon any of these fantasies or visions of hurting yourself. At that point, I would talk to anyone who will listen. It's not dumb to seek advice, whatever forum you can, even if it is to entertain you until these thoughts subside.

Waiting on a physician can take some time, so telling someone of your thoughts can certainly push a rush on things. I'm not familiar with your situation, but there are various phone numbers usually found in the front page of the phone book, for suicide hotlines in your area. These hotlines have kind and caring individuals prepared to talk as long as it takes until you are comfortable, and also give you advice.

I do so hope you get to read this, as you are a very valuable person, who shares similiar feelings like the rest of the world, just not everyone has the courage to confront these issues. Suicide is so final, can never go back and redo things. We are given so many chances to change the course of our lives, but sometimes it really is up to you to make that change, especially if no one knows what is going on.

When I was younger and had these thoughts, I actually wrote letters to my family/friends, which made me realize just how much I would be hurting them if I was to act on things. I realized, I didnt' want to die, I just wanted to talk to someone. All my best to you.

Answer 5

This is serious. Please, you should call the hot-line number provided by someone who answered previously immediately. They are trained professionals and are here to help.
You should be seeing a psychiatrist (i.e. you are on the right track seeing a therapist but someone who is legally able to prescribe medicine may also prove helpful). Please do not attempt to self medicate with illegal prescription drugs or alcohol. I am sure that you are wiser than this, but this is a highly common phenomena and is very dangerous.
However, if this is helpful to you in the meantime, my younger brother experienced a similar period in his life where he, uncontrollably, saw violent images in his head to himself and others; he is the gentlest being on the planet and would never actually carry out such actions; just needed some help. Maybe you are on a similar wavelength.
In addition, although I am not a physician yet and am not offering medical advice, I would like to inform you that what you are currently experiencing is not as isolated to you as you might feel. As hard as I can only imagine it is, you are CERTAINLY NOT ALONE IN YOUR TERRIFYING EXPERIENCE(S). And, equally as important, you have people that care and you are seeking the appropriate treatment. I am not certain about your family life, but you obviously have people on the web here who are reaching back out to you that care and want to be by your side at this difficult time.
Please fell free to share anytime, there is always someone out there that cares and wants to hear what is going on and offer the best advice they can (provided you want it of course).
My name is Sarah and I live in San Diego. You can email me anytime at [e-mail] or call me at 760-715-5985 if you ever want someone just to listen or to bounce things off of. it may be helpful to write all of your feelings/thoughts down and email them so that you may be able to take a critical look at what is possibly casing these feelings. (This would also be a crucial item to take to your therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist).
I wish you all the best in the world and will keep you in my thoughts.
I hope that you will contact the hotline ASAP. If you can't use a phone, there are online assistance chatrooms with professionals that are standing by at the following link.
Good luck!

Answer 6

Oh gosh....
It sounds like your gonna have an anxiety/panic attack...
That's exactly what it sounds like..I have em alot, so I know this kinda thing pretty well..

It'll be ok...Just don't do anything drastic..You Might actually WANT to be around someone during all of this..I mean..Don't tell em how ya feel..Just be around em..Cause you will start shaking and rocking, kinda like a seizure..I know it sounds really stupid, but seriously..You can actually get hurt kinda bad..

Just let it run it's course...
You've prolly been under ALOT of stress lately, and it's just taking it's toll on you..But it'll be ok.

Just try to calm down...Breathe into a paper bag if you're hyperventilating or anything.

Mainly tho, just calm down.

Answer 7

call your local mental health facility.sometimes the human mind does not behave the way we want it to.i just want you to know that you are in better shape than most.you may not know this or may not realize that there are hundreds of souls out here who love you..don't take this the wrong way.if you kill yourself your parents will hurt so much but life would go on regardless.Pl count on us to listen but call for help.talk to your parents you will be surprised at how helpful they will be.don't give up you have friends.
love always miraclehand

Answer 8

wow...im really sorry that you feel that way. last year, i went through a lot of emotional problems too and sometimes killing myself seemed like the only answer. but girl the only answer i can give you that i know for sure will work is to pray. I don't know if you're a Christian, or if you believe in God or Jesus, but praying helps a lot. Talk to God about all your problems and to help rid of these satanic thoughts that you have, cuz that's who they are from, Satan. you can email me if you want.

Answer 9

Well I don't think you are stupid. I have been there years ago I tried and I know what you feel like inside. It would be great if you could talk to your parents but if you don't feel you can do that you should still talk with someone.
http://suicidehotlines.com/ is a free number and they can give you answers on what steps to take to stop you from ending your precious life.

Answer 10

i think of if the guy desires to commit suicide a hundred% they're going to shop it to themselves so as that they are in a position to't be stopped, If I lost my babies and fiance by some ability, i'd have not have been given any reason to stay and could be happier no longer waking to melancholy daily. i'd shop it to myself actual.