i'm so hurt?

Question

I am engaged and when i met my fiance we were both so inlove with the Lord. But then my fiance started to fall into sexual sin in his own life, looking at porn and such. It hurt so much then but i forgave him. In the end it ended up leading us both into a sexual sin. We had sex before we were married. since then we have got help and sought the lord. But now that I am not in that sin anymore he went back to looking at porn. IT hurts so much. I know that he loves the Lord but i don't know what to do with this! can anyone give me advice?

Answer 1

I would suggest talking with him about it. For example, you might try to find out what you could do that would increase his sexual satisfaction with your relationship. A couple cannot realize all the potential joy from a relationship if they cannot talk openly and honestly about everything. Even if your religious training makes you uncomfortable, I honestly think you should try.

Answer 2

You both need counseling and you need to face the fact that this may not be the man for you. Even with counseling his habits may not change so if you were to continue this relationship you could be facing a life with porn being a constant element. Counseling will help you to either deal with the porn or deal with the guy and either way you will have a better understanding of the situation and know that you have done all you could. I know how difficult porn can be because my ex used to read it in bed and wanted me to get involved. It was so degrading and he never considered my feelings at all. He compared me with the pictures and would make comments about plastic surgery. I felt like trash. It took a very long time to overcome the experience. When I finally went for counseling I wished that I had gone sooner. Go to a professional who will keep your confidence and give you unbiased advice. You won't regret it.

Answer 3

This is a huge warning sign for you. If your fiance is addicted to porn and can't stay away from it, it could ruin your potential marriage. You should consider breaking off the relationship. I completely disagree with the first answerer who believes that being married to you will keep him away from the porn. It's more likely that the porn will eventually just completely destroy your relationship.

As far as what you can do for your fiance, you can help him get the professional help that he needs. There are some 12-step programs for people who are addicted to pornography, and he could also get private counseling.

I strongly think that you should not marry this man until this problem is completely resolved. Maybe never.

Answer 4

I hate to tell you such a thing, but it sounds like to me, that your husband does not even know the Lord (as Savior). The reason I must tell you this, is because the Bible tells us in 2 Cor. 5:17, that once we are in Christ, or become Christians, old things are passed away, and all things become new. This means that when we are saved, we no longer have the same sinful desires that we once had; but we desire to do things which are pleasing unto God. If your husband can practice or be in love with pornography, then he most certainly does not have very much love for God. And once we become Christians, God will also chastise us, when we begin to go back into sin. By that I mean, that God will do whatever it takes, to bring us to our knees; to cause us to turn back to Him and ask for his forgiveness. I suggest that you pray for your husband to be saved. For if Jesus truly lived in his heart, then he would have no desire to do such.

Answer 5

I know how you feel. It IS very painful. The important thing for you to do is to keep yourself focused spiritually. It's really hard to make a marriage work when one is involved in pornography. Unfortunately, if you want your future marriage to work, it falls on you to be the stronger person and to put forth the effort to make it work. Maybe you should seek couples counseling. I went to a marriage counsel and although it keep my marriage from falling apart because my ex went once and refused to go again, it did help me tremendously. Pray as often as you can and remember to ask God for guidance, strength and endurance. I'd be happy to talk with you further by e-mail if you'd like. Whatever you choose to do, remember that this is ABSOLUTELY no reflection on you. All of us are spiritually sick to a greater or lesser degree at any given moment. Just remember that YOU aren't the cause of his behavior. Obviously he had a problem PRIOR to your relationship, so it has absolutely nothing to do with you -- and don't you let him tell you that it does! People who are going in a way contrary to God's will seem to always want to shift the blame for their conduct on others. I'm sorry that you're having to go through this and I sincerely hope that things work out for you and your fiance.

Answer 6

He needs to want to stop the porn, there are recovery groups out there and some churches have programs for people with addictions. Tell him he needs to go to one. If he doesn't seek help, leave him. You will be better off in the long run.

Answer 7

Oh for crying out loud! Quit the stinking engagement and marry the poor fellow! If having actual sex keeps him off the porn, why not make it legit?

Answer 8

I know this has to hurt and I'm sorry you are going through this.

I'd pray about whether you feel that this is God's chosen man for you. If he's looking into porn now, it is probably something he will continue to be interested in.

I'd pray about whether God wants this marriage.

Better a broken wedding ceremony than a broken marriage.

This doesn't mean you can't get married, but I would seriously pray for God's will.
ALso, I'd continue to pray for him that he will come to a change of heart about this.

Answer 9

He has to deal with this issue himself. It's between the Lord and him. Step back, be silent for a moment and God might just be letting you know something you might not want to hear. I just went through this. I had to separate for awhile to clear my head and see God was telling me, this isn't what God wanted for me just yet. Since then my ex has sought some help on his own. He needs to iron this out with God on his own. Hope this helps. I know this hurts. Remember God doesn't want anyone in your life to hurt you. :)

Answer 10

I would suggest that your husband read Every Man's Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Frd Stoeker. It is a scriptually based book all about sexual purity. I will pray for y'all.