Rushing to the altar???

Question

My boyfriend wants to get married. This is my second marriage. But he wants to take a loan out for our wedding. I would rather wait for awhile instead of taking a loan out. Besides, we just met. I try to tell him there is no rush because I want to go to college. He says he does not want to wait. I figured if we waited, we could save money too and maybe pay for most of it ourselves. Do I run the risk of losing him by waiting and going to college or do I marry him in a year like he wants to? I asked him why he wants to get married so fast, and he says he is getting too old to wait. He has never been married - we are both 46. I love him, but we just met about 5 months ago, and I think this is pretty quick. What to do?

Answer 1

If you are not ready to get married, then don't. If he doesn't understand that, be kind enough to show him the door, it hasn't moved since the carpenter installed it.

You control your life, not him. If he is unwilling to compromise on this issue, then know, that there will never be an issue in your lives that will be compromised on, unless it is something that you want, and you will be doing the compromising; this leopard isn't going to changes his spots, they go all the way to the skin.

I am not that much younger than you are. Believe me, College is a full-time endeavor that will require you to be focused. It is TOUGH going back to school at our ages (I am in my second year).

Having a man in your life, who, for all intents and purposes, wants to run you to the alter is throwing up some major league HUGE red flags.

1. One of the signs of an abusive relationship.
2. One of the signs of a con-man
3. Serious lack of respect for you and your goals. Is only interested in himself and what he wants....yet another sign of a potentially abusive relationship.

Keep your eyes open, and your heart guarded. Pay attention to the things he is saying. If he is repeating things, compare the stories for accuracy. Have a background check done on him.

Above all else, protect yourself, by whatever means necessary.

Answer 2

Go with your gut. If you don't feel like you are ready then you should not rush things. If your boyfriend loves you as he says he does he will be willing to wait a bit.

Why not set a goal? Get engaged if you wish, and set the date for a year or more from now. You can go to college and be married, of course. But maybe make some other goals - decide how much money you both can save together, what are you living plans, etc. Let him know you love him and you are serious, but you are also serious about doing this right. He should understand. There is no reason to rush into a relationship at any age.

Good luck!!

Answer 3

Starting off a marriage in debt is not a good idea. After marriage you may need a loan for something else (a new child, house remodeling, car, illness, etc). I agree that if you wait a little longer you can save up. If both of you are already 46, than there's no need to rush to get married. You normally do that when your young and naive.

Good luck.

p.s. Is he OK with the idea of you returning to college?

Answer 4

If he would leave you because he can't wait to get married.....tell him to take a hike now! That's crazy! Knowing someone only 5 months isn't long enough to know about a lifetime commitment. You're both already 46....another year or so isn't going to make a huge difference. I'd say if he can't wait until you're ready, then you should cut him loose to go find someone who will marry him right away. You seem sensible about the money part. There's no need to go into debt over a wedding....it's a few hours out of one day.

Answer 5

That is actually one of the first five signs people show when they aren't going to be a good spouse. :( I'm not saying he will be a bad one, but he needs to listen to your wishes along with his when discussing marriage. If he won't listen to you on this important topic, when will the not listening end? What will he be ignoring your feelings on next? Five months is a bit rushed, especially in a world where divorce is so acceptable. You really need to know who you're going into a long term commitment with. If you want to go to college, I say go for it! :) I think that's a great idea. I think if you want to wait another year or two so that you don't go into debt, that's a great idea. Maybe you two could compromise? Meet in the middle? But yes, I do think 5 months is a lot too soon. But that is just my opinion as I am totally against these rush marriages so many people seem to be into today. If he really loves you, he will listen to you and respect your wishes. If he can't wait for you, then he isn't a man truly in love with you. It is better to know that now than in a few years into your marriage.

Answer 6

Have you asked him the reason for rushing into marriage? I totally agree with you about waiting and not taking out a loan. Why start off a marriage with creating debt (loan) for a wedding that will last for a few hours. That doesn't make sense and that should tell you about his priorities. Honestly, you should date him a little while longer and get to know each other. I wouldn't worry about losing him because if he doesn't respect your feelings (waiting for marriage, school) then that should tell you something about him. Follow your heart and gut feeling and take your time about making the decision on marriage.

Answer 7

ok i am kinda on his side... i know it may sound werid but you two should be young enough to be mature about this. I think that if you really wanna wait that he should respect that tho. but also if you are tat young then i can understand why he doesn't wanna wait any longer. and who knows maybe he is the one who is afraid if he waits too long that he can lose you.... and not the other way around.. thats what i think it is.. but what do i know im like thirty yrs younger then you two so pshhhh listening to a teen that hasn't been married yet would be stupid. but i hope thats not what you think. im just saying i kinda understand where he is coming from and why he can't wait any more. but all in all it is your decicion. you are the one who has to agree or not. Good Luck to the both of you and when ever you do get married here is an early Congrats from Me!♥

Answer 8

WAIT!!

you don't even know him like that.. he need to be asking what's the reason reason he's rushing he hasn't gotten married in 46 years another year and half is not going to matter.. You better know with out of shadow of a doubt this man is for you, and have you checked his back ground? have you met his family friends hung out trying to see if this man holds up to be a True husband that you want for a life time?? Girl pray and keep your eyes and heart open he might be a number of things and you would be blaming yourself because you didn't take the time to learn him.

Answer 9

I would wait.
1. 5 months is really not long enough to know you want to spend your life together.
2. The best way to pay, is with money you have not a loan.
3. Why is he in such a hurry?
4. You are never to old to get married.

Answer 10

This is something that you are going to have to decide. If you are not ready, by all means tell him you want to wait. If he really loves you he will understand.
I met my now husband and three months later we got married. I knew very quickly that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. When you know, you know... time doesn't matter. My grandparents were married 55 years... and they only dated 5 weeks before getting married.
Follow your heart.