My 2 screaming kids? I can't handle the screaming any more? What do i do?

Question

Okay , i have a 3 year old and 21 month old (both girls), i understand the screaming if they are playing outside chasing one another as long as they are playing nice, but i can't handle them running through the house sreaming on the top of their lungs anymore. I have spanked them, popped them in the mouth(only with my first 2 fingers and not hard), and stood them in the corners, and sat them in time out and they just keep on doing it. My sister in law alows her two boys to scream all the time and never gets on to them, but i can't handle it. I hate to spank my kids or pop them in the mouth or anything like that but my kids get disipline anytime they miss behave.When we are in a public place i don't leave because they are screaming i take them to the restroom and spank them everytime they start the screaming. Can someone give me some advice on what else i can do? Or is there someone that has or is going through this. I am a stay at home mom but i can't handle the screaming any longer.

Answer 1

How they are acting is a result of your discipline, or lack of it - and I surely don't mean physical. I think you had better do some research, or attend some parenting classes, talk with your mom or older friends for ideas. The biggest thing is that they are ruling you right now, and that is wrong. Your husband and you need to get together and come up with a plan. The kids need a schedule - yes, even at this age, of what you as a family is doing from waking up in the morning until you go to bed at night - and which parent does what. Consistency is also really important, and you need to have consequences for their behaviour. Try as much as possible for positive reinforcement, not just giving them attention when they are bad. Use sticker charts with rewards for good behaviour. Watch Supernanny - she has tonnes of great ideas! Good luck, and don't let this go on any longer. You and your husband will be happier - less stress, and your kids will be happy, too.

Answer 2

I am a stay at home mom too so I feel your pain. They may be too couped up from not getting out of the house enough. Try getting outside to play more. Even for 30 minutes here and there can help. They might also be bored. Try getting them involved in some engaging activities like coloring or playing with time consuming toys like Legos or something. It is possible that they are also begging for your attention. Are you spending enough quality time with them 1 on 1 (or 1 on 2?) Sit down and talk with them. Play with them or read a book to them. If they feel screaming is the only way to get your attention, that's what they'll do. Give them other (positive) attention and interaction. I know it is hard to fit these things in your schedule sometimes, because like is so hectic. It is not easy to run a house, raise children, be a wife, and somehow try to be a woman too. But the extra time investment may really pay off.
I also read an article in parenting magazine about making sure your children get enough sleep. If they don't they might get hyperactive. Most kids don't go to bed early enough. The rule of thumb is about 12-13 hours per night. Putting them to bed late will not make them sleep in later! Therefore, they are sleep deprived if you don't put them to bed early enough. That leads to behavior problems, including whining, not listening to you, and screaming. You might want to look up the article and read it, it was very informative.
Above all remember that this too shall pass. Being a mom is hard, and we are all doing the best we can to get through it.

Answer 3

They are too young to understand the whole spanking issue for something they are naturally going to do that goes along with their development. 21 month old is mimicing your 3 year old as well.

If stay at home mom, I would strongly advise looking to some pre-schools for half days or just a few hours for you to have "alone time". Which all parents need.

Your children will be getting the development they need at the same time, allowing someone else's ears handle the screaming for awhile. Their attention span is extremly short and any "bribing" with cookie to "behave" for 10 mins will not work. Spanking them or "time outs" will increase screaming of cries and upsetness. So far it has not worked it seems since you still have the problem.

As a day care and pre school assistant teacher, I know this all too well with the 2 and 3 year olds.

When I was little, my mom would have my older sister watch me and my brother while she took a bath (her alone, relaxing time). If I screamed and banged on the door, she turn music up louder. She made sure I was supervised and then she didn't let my behavior ruin her alone time. For my age, I didn't understand and that is the issue you are facing as well.

My mom never screamed at me. I do not scream back at the other kids at work. I talk softly and do "shhh" as I am getting their attention with something. Eventually they will quiet down as curiousity arises as the other children are telling them to hush. The softer I talk, the more they will try to listen and quiet down. The louder I talk, the more louder they want to get to get their vocal cords over mine. My niece is that way. Will start to do her pouty "fake" cry and stomp her feet. I would very softly talk to her to the point she would stop to just hear what I have to say. I would try to grap her attention with something to take the focus off that behavior.

If at home, try to let them go outdoors more so they can scream and not let it "echo" in the house. You can also sit on the front porch or living room or any place that you can distance yourself from our kids, yet still see them and they are in safe enivornment to do so.

Answer 4

Don't take them into public places if you are going to end up spanking them in the bathroom. It's obvious that they aren't mature enough to be taken to places like that yet. Let them know, every time you DON'T take them somewhere, that it is because of their screaming and embarrassing behaviour, and if you do take them somewhere and it starts up, LEAVE. They have to learn that their actions will cause results that have nothing to do with you and them - you interacting with them. They have to start interacting with other people who will react differently and maybe have an effect. Until you find a day camp or play group or something for them to do for a couple of hours a day, consider this:

Find music they hate and when they are running around screaming, play it LOUD.

Bake cookies, and every time they start screaming, eat one without giving them any. Tell them that for evey HOUR they go without being noisy, they can each have one cookie.

Drag them outside to the park or somewhere that they can be noisy without it being a problem. You may be spending too much time in the house.

Wait until they are napping and then scream and wake them up. It isn't that productive, but it's fun and technically not abusive...

Answer 5

We all need to vent sometimes. I suggest you give them a place to scream (outside, garage,their room, a pillow). When one starts to scream, lead her to this place and say "If you need to scream, then you can do it here. When you're ready to use an inside voice (normal voice, soft voice) then you can come back with us." After a few tries, they should catch on.

Notice when they are not screaming. Thank them for using quiet voices.

Set a limit about running in the house. "You can run outside and walk inside." Let them know it's not safe to run inside. This should help limit the screaming because they are not getting all riled up.

If they are feeding off of each other, separate them. Say to them "When you are ready to be together without screaming, then I'll let you play."

Before you go to a public place, set a limit. "If you start to scream we will leave." You can start by taking them someplace they really enjoy. As soon as they scream, leave. They will then learn that mommy means business.

Do not scream back. This will only reinforce the behavior. Speak softly to them when they scream. They will be forced to quiet down so they can hear you.

Do some role playing with them. Show them what it is like to have someone scream. Ask them "Would you rather be with someone who screams or uses a soft voice." With practice, they will soon get the message.

Answer 6

They need to know who's boss. Tell them your going to do something they enjoy like the park.. Get them excited to go. When they act up right away say. Nope no park. Don't give in. Then say maybe tomorrow. Try again.
Don't get in the habit of saying ok we won't go, and then do it anyway.
Also if they have a father, or someone that you can leave one with. Take the other one alone so they can get away from eachother, and you can spend quality time with one of them at a time. Your 3 year old should be old enough so you can talk to her. They understand a lot. You probably know that.
You should let them know you mean business. Don't give in.

Answer 7

Well, just tell them that you do not respond to screaming. You only respond to kids that talk in a normal voice. Then, do that. If they want something and are screaming, ignore them. It will be hard the first couple of times. However, realize the will power you show in the beginning will lead to the rewards you get when they understand.

Answer 8

When you speak to them speak quietly so they can barely hear you, it gets their attention better then yelling (trust me it works, I used to scream at my child and he got to be able to ignore it)

I use favorite toys and/or activities, if they do listen and dont scream for a brief period of time, give them a sticker on a reward board, if they get a certain number of them you pick, they get a small reward, ie a dollar store item, or you read them a story (something they really like)... it worked well for my son and he has ADHD....

On your older child you can remove things like video games, or movies she likes to watch, tv time etc...

The yelling thing drove me nuts too, if they are constantly running, block their way if you can with gates lol, my son hated that...

If you get too frustrated send them to their room..

If they are doing it in public, drop what you are doing and leave, I did that twice, and he never had another fit in a store, it shocks them that you did something like that and they will start to learn it is not acceptable (albeit its a pain in the rear for you, but it works)

Good luck, I am so glad my son is beyond that point...

Answer 9

Ok.. When they get roudy and out of control.. is there anywhere you can put them where they are both safe and can be put to settle down? Are they in a crib still? Do you have baby gaits?

When they are going crazy... Try to seperate them.. And if the older one is probably going to protest the loudest... put that daughter a lil farther away so you can still hear her but its not that super high pitch that makes your skin crawl..

I can't stress enough that you have to make sure they are in a safe place where nothing can be swallowed or fall on them.. Ok?

Good luck! I can't imagine having 2 young ones like that but I do have 2 kids, one of them just turned one and they are a handfull!!!!

Answer 10

This might sound so crazy but scream with them the next time and see what there reaction is. They might realize how loud they are being and how annoying it is. I do daycare and I know how it can affect your mood and your whole day. If this doesn't work maybe put them in their rooms alone and shut off all the lights. The dark can be calming.