This is my favorite religious joke/ what's yours?

Question

A Priest went on a mission trip to a remote area of South Africa. His sermon was about brotherhood. During the sermon when the Priests said " we are all brothers " the tribesmen shouted back "Mooluhgumbi" then the Priest said "and as brothers we were are created equal" the tribesmen shouted back "Mooluhgumbi" then the Priest finished his sermon with "as brothers who are created equal we need to live together in peace and harmony!" at this the tribesmen joined together jumped to their feet and shouted out "MOOLUHGUMBI" MOOLUHGUMBI". Later as the Priest was talking to the Chief he ask the Chief how he liked the Sermon? The chief replied "those were interesting words and they really stirred my people and becareful as you walk back to your tent as you pass by my cattle that you don't step in the Mooluhgumbi.

Answer 1

A lovely couple were happily in love and engaged. Two days before the wedding they were in a deadly car accident. Together they rode the golden escalator to the heavens. On their way up, they were discussing the fact that they wished that they been married before they had died and wondered if they would still be able to spend eternity together. They decided that when they got to the heavenly gates that they would ask to be married in heaven.
When they asked St. Peter if they could still be married in heaven, St. Peter said, "I'll be right back."
Relative to eternity "right back" was taking along time. The couple continued discussing their eternal life together. And after what seemed like 100 years they started to feel the weight of eternity and wondered if they would later be able to divorce if things didn't work out.
Finally St. Peter returned, and the couple, while still wanting to marry, asked St. Peter if later down the road, they changed their minds, would a divorce be allowed.
St. Peter slammed his clip board on his desk and looked at the couple in exasperation.
"It took me this long to find a priest in heaven...and now you want a lawyer too?"

Answer 2

A Monk joins a new chapter and on his first day he is told to go down in the basement a copy out all the texts on to fresh paper the monk goes down and start.
one hour later the monk come back up and says that he has found a lot of mistakes in the texts and say that if these are wrong what is the were wrong when they were first copied from the original copy.
the head Monk goes to the vault and is gone for sometime the other monks start to worried about him.
They go down to the basement and find him crying on the floor they ask what is wrong the old monk replies that the Word the Celebrate

OK

Here's the Second

A priest and a Rabi are Talking about how they get funds for there place or worship and for them self's.

The Priest ells the Rabbi about his collection plate he says that the plate goes round every Sunday and the worshippers put money in to the plate it is divided up in to three different parts part for the church and part for me and part for charity.

To this the Rabbi laughs and say we have the same sort of thing but when the plate comes back to the front i Throw up the plate and whatever stays up there is is and what comes back to earth is mine

Answer 3

...There is a point to all of this; however, you must read it in its entirety for a fuller understanding: It's a quick read.
...As I understand it, Ratzinger was not the Cardinals
first choice. That was, interestingly, Cardinal Hans
Grapje.
...Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague
and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but
was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two
years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.
...After the war, he became a priest, serving as a
missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent. In 1997, Father Grapje was serving in Zimbabwe when an explosion in a silver mine caused a cave-in. Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer last rights to those too severely injured to move. Another shaft collapsed, and he was buried for three days, suffering multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye. The high silver content in the mine's air gave him purpura, a
life-long condition characterized by purplish skin
blotches.
...Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the
service of God as a scholar, mentor, and holy man,
church leaders felt that he should never ascend to the Papacy. They felt that the Church would never accept a
"one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple Papal leader."

Answer 4

The New Pastor
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door. The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was a notation "Genesis 3:10." Upon opening his Bible to the passage he let out a roar of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 reads: (Pastors note) "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come into him, and will dine with him, and he with me."

Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked."

Answer 5

A minister, a rabbi, and a priest meet on holiday, and start up up up conversing approximately their church residences. it sort of feels all 3 of their residences are infested with mice. they adjust to fulfill back the subsequent 3 hundred and sixty 5 days and communicate their answer. the subsequent 3 hundred and sixty 5 days they meet as planed, an the minister says "good, we took up a definite sequence to hire an exterminator. He did a sturdy pastime, yet six months later the mice have been shrink back. The rabbi says "We observed some cats from the interior attain shield and set them up contained interior the synagogue. worked like a charm! yet as at as quickly as simply by fact the mice have been long previous, the cats ran away, and then the mice come shrink back!" The priest extremely sat there smiling until ultimately different 2 demanded to hearken to his answer. "common, extremely. We baptized the mice, and now we extremely see them at Christmas and Easter."

Answer 6

Mooluhgumbi is bullshit? okay. as for a religion joke. ah! here's one:

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice!
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "So then, why are you telling me?" "Because I'm ****** telling everybody!"
♣

Answer 7

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister walk into a bar and the Bartender says "what is this, some kinda joke!"

Answer 8

how yahoo REALLY got started...



And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)".

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.

And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But his success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would only work if you bought Brother Gates' drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others". And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, "eBay", he said, "We need a name of a service that reflects what we are".

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators".

"Whoopee!", said Abraham.

"No, YAHOO!", said Dot Com.


and my favorite short one: and god said let there be light. and god separated the light from the dark, and did two loads of laundry.

Answer 9

Jesus walks into a motel six hands the clerk 3 nails and asks???
can you put me up for the night

Answer 10

a budist, a muslim, a nun and a jew were sitting in a hot air balloon. It suddenly popped and though they prayed as it dropped it proves that God hates us all.