i am renewing my vows in october and have made all the decorations and bought the outfits,planned food, etc and i cant get my husband to help or my maid of honor. i just feel that is the reason for having a maid of honor is to help the bride with things so she is not stressed out the whole time... am i wrong for this thinking and what should i do?
2006-09-21 12:05:25 · 21 answers · asked by atthean 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
whether it is a big first time wedding or a renewal of vows if your friend agreed to be your mh during your renewals she should be their for you. It is a mh responibilty to assist the bride in decorations, party planning, invitations and whatever else you need help with. You should ask her if she can get more involved because you really need the help, if she is to busy or whatever ask your next closest friend to help you out.
2006-09-21 16:21:59 · answer #1 · answered by curiosity 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Calm down and take a deep breath. Then step back and look at the situation. The wedding is only a couple of weeks away, and you've gotten most of it done by yourself. You are overreacting a bit, but there is just cause to be mildly upset. You just shouldn't be so angry that you are ready to ditch the whole idea.
Think about all the money you spent, think about the time you've invested, think about your guests who have already made arrangements to be there (like hotels, gifts, attire, travel, time off work, etc...), and think about the reasons why you wanted to renew your vows. Write them down if you have to, but don't loose site of what this is about. You don't want to cancel this because you are upset at the lack of help and support.
It doesn't matter the "why" of the event, what matters is that you AND your husband are the hosts of a party when you plan any kind of wedding. He should have some opinions and ideas if nothing else. If you want him to do more, you will have to give him specific tasks. Find a couple of small things for him to do to help, preferably something that has to do with the groomsmen, the grooms cake, his attire, or just anything that revolves around the "male" parts of the event. He'll have a better idea about how to do those things than helping you with flowers and decorations.
Men aren't the greatest about figuring out what, how, when, to do all the planning for big events. He'll be more likely to join in if he knows exactly what and how you want him to do things. I'm sure that you have had other times when he didn't pitch in because he didn't want to get in your way, or he didn't think he'd do it to your standards.
As for the maid, she agreed to the position. All that means is that she agreed to stand up with you at the ceremony. It's proper, polite, good manners, and tradition for the maid of honor to be helpful and supportative to the bride, but by no means is it a set rule. All the duties of a maid are just suggestions, not requirements. While I feel that any woman who agress to be a maid is agreeing to help, there are many women who don't step up for the bride during the planning phase.
Remember that when all is said and done, this is your event. No one else is under any obligation to help you in any way other than what they wanted to do. If your MOH wants to be uninvolved, then that is her choice. Your husband should still be helping though, it's for him too. In the end, this was a party that you decided to throw for a celebration of your marriage. You chose to have it, so that means you chose to pay for it, plan it, and do any and all work involved.
It's harsh, but true. Talk to both your husband and your MOH about how you feel. If they still don't want to help, sigh and get on with your planning. Have the best day you can, and don't sweat the small stuff.
2006-09-21 18:51:31 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course that is what the maid of honor should do, help where ever the bride needs her. If she isn't willing to do that, then I would find a new maid of honor. Don't let her ruin your special day. As far as your husband, talk to him about why he's not willing to help with the vow renewal. And if he is really against it, then I might consider calling it off. But, don't let a "maid of nothing" ruin your day if this is what both you and your husband want.
2006-09-21 12:48:52 · answer #3 · answered by iceprincess_12_04 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
OK, first off, I've never heard of having a maid of honour when you renew vows, but it's your party so do what you want. Second, since this isn't actually a wedding (although maybe you got married in a small ceremony so you want this to be just like a wedding?), she probably doesn't see the need to do everything that she might do for you as a bride.
It's ridiculous to think of calling it off just because your friend won't help you though - step back, breath deep, and get a little perspective. Why are you having this celebration? To share you love with people who weren't at you wedding? To celebrate the many years of happy marriage you and your husband may have had? To impress everyone with a big party? To get your friends to help you do stuff? Figure that out first, then you'll know what to do.
Good luck.
2006-09-21 12:51:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
This is a renewal of vows, not a wedding.
A maid of honor's only real duty is to witness the vows. She didn't ask you to plan a big blow-out affair and maybe she has very little legitimate time to spare to help you out. Have you asked for her assistance in a NICE way or have you been just telling her what to do or have you just been expecting her to want to jump right in and take on a whole load of work that will, in the end, be essentially unappreciated because it was "expected"?
2006-09-21 12:18:07 · answer #5 · answered by Road Warrior 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
OK, I don't know how long you've been married, but you need to seriously think about what exactly the vow renewal ceremony is about, and it's not about "I didn't get to have a big wedding when we got married, so this is my chance." If you think it is about the decorations, and having a big party, and the food, wine, band, etc., then you would be wrong. Vow renewals are about renewing the vows you made when you originally got married, hence the name. The ceremony is usually quite simple, there are fewer guests, usually family and very close friends. Since you're already legally married, technically you don't even need attendants (and most friends I know who have had vow renewals don't have them). You are NOT a bride, sweetheart, you've already been one. You don't get a 2nd chance to be Cinderella for a day, unless you're getting married a 2nd time, and you certainly haven't earned the right to run roughshod all over everyone in the process. Please think about what this ceremony is meaning to you, and your family. And to answer your question, yes, you are wrong in your thinking...big time. You need to re-examine your priorities here sweetheart, or you won't even have to worry about renewing your vows.
2006-09-21 17:19:54 · answer #6 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are not wrong, a maid's of honor duty as you said is to help you with anything or everything you need, so if you feel she isn't helping in any way what you should do first of all is TALK...talk to her and tell her how you are feeling, she is your maid of honor for a reason right? some strong bond that you two have made you choose her, so before taking inmediate action talk to her and tell her that you really need her help, and that if she can't help you you understand perfectly, in which case you hope she doesn't mind your naming another friend as maid of honor.
This kind of conflicts have a solution, and the best way to solve them is by talking things out.
Remember, you are under a lot of stress, so try to talk to her when you are calmer and thinking about how much you love her, that way no one gets hurt.
Good luck!
2006-09-21 12:18:18 · answer #7 · answered by White 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Ok I think you forgot that she WAS your maid of honor and that you ALREADY GOT MARRIED. Time to stop with acting like you are still a bride and grow up. Plan your own renewal and keep it small, try to remember what it is for, its not a wedding all over. It is for the two of you to remember the commitment that you made with each other and God.
Sounds like you got registered again or something. Gesh!
2006-09-21 12:18:22 · answer #8 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Why do you need to re-new your vows? You don't feel married enough now?
In the original wedding this is the purpose of the maid of honor but since it is a re-newal of vows, perhaps she and your husband think it is just a ritual?
2006-09-21 12:15:53 · answer #9 · answered by helpme1 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Oh my word. Bridezilla lives again. Is this really about a big party? Hire a party planner. Your maid of honor is to witness the vows. Done.
Get over yourself.
2006-09-21 12:08:04 · answer #10 · answered by just browsin 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋