His father disappeared some 12 years ago...we have been divorced some 13 years...he is a horrid person who uses women...married numberous times...with many kids besides mine...and can find me through my parents easily...but I think it is obvious he doesn't want to have anything to do with his two sons....I told my son, 14, that he is not ready emotionally to deal with what he may find in reaction and that his father can find us at any time but obviously chooses not to..I also agreed that when my son turns 18...and his father has not tried to find him...that I would help him find him...and he can say whatever he wishes to him and I would go with him....it this wrong?
2006-09-21 09:58:57 · 8 answers · asked by DoveMom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It is never wrong to want to protect your child and as long as you are not telling him that you won't help him find his father eventually I don't see anything wrong with it. If his father is half as bad as he sounds your son won't be ready emotionally to deal with the rejection he might face. And even though it is a nice thought that he has changed his ways and will want a relationship with your son I doubt this is true. If he wanted to have a relationship he would have tried to contact you...
A leopard doesn't change its spots... protect your son until he is old enough and more mature to handle the situation.
2006-09-21 10:08:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Instead of not emotionally ready why not say you're not sure he understands the full potentials of this situation... and how it may affect him... buttelling himyou should wit untl he is 18 sounds very sensible.... It lets him know you are not against it, and willing to help when the time comes. Does he have any other father figure? Maybe he's looking for an adult male figure to confide in and do "manly" things? Either way, waiting sounds like a good idea. No reason letting him find some horror shell of a person who wants nothing to do with him. Maybe you could secretly contact his father some how and let him know he's looking for him.. it may be he doesn't want to be found...then you could maybe break it to him without the dad having the chance to reject him to his face.. then again, why should you be the baad guy.... it wouldn't be a bad idea to figure out what is in store though.
And your son doesn'thave to know until he's 18 if the dad isn't up for being found.
2006-09-21 17:26:51 · answer #2 · answered by WifeandMom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not wrong. You are trying to protect your son from his father. He may be hurt at 18 if he finds his father is not interested in any type of relationship, but he will be much better able to handle it then, than at his age now.
And your ex may realize his mistakes and be happy to see his son. He will never be able to make up for the past but they may be able to have some type of relationship.
2006-09-21 17:02:37 · answer #3 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesn't matter what problems you had with him or what type of a person he is,your son wants to see him and those feelings wont go away.the best thing is to be supportive and helpful.if your es is a butt head your son will hopefully see that and decide if he wants to see him again.You havent seen him in 12 years ,he might have changed his ways and become a good person.My question is this,if he was such a terrible man why were you with him?
2006-09-21 20:37:16 · answer #4 · answered by hekler1873 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know you have been through alot but just remember you have to support you kids help them in life through the good times and the bad it doesnt make you a bad person but help your son to find his dad and in later life he will know you did the best for him all round, let him find out for himself if you dont he will do it anyway kids do this sort of thing to hurt us parents good luck
2006-09-21 17:11:11 · answer #5 · answered by dawn l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mybe he changed it has been many years. You should go with your son and meet him and see how he is. Your son has the right to know his father and make up his mind himself.
2006-09-21 17:01:16 · answer #6 · answered by Questions&Answers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think kids have a right to know thier moms of dads. My mom treid to withhold me from knowing my dad,... when she finally let me,.... I realized that everything she said,.... was true about him.Let your son find out on his own and if your going to go with him,.... let them be alone for a little bit
2006-09-21 17:14:51 · answer #7 · answered by Photographer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would do the same thing I say protect him for as long as you can he'll find out soon enough good luck.
2006-09-21 17:07:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋