How should I approach this?

Question

...It just turns out that I've fallen for my friend.We were good friends and all, pmessing around and stuff, but I want to go out with her now. The thing is though, I've invited her to see the Grudge 2, but I mixed up asking her out with 'you can bring some friends'. She knew that I was trying to ask her out, but it's been two days since either of us actually talked at all...

How can I talk to her/get to know how she feels about me without comming on too strong or soft? This is nerve-wracking!! How do I approach this?

Answer 1

Ah this happens so often, but good news for you. Relationships that start out as friendship and move to something bigger are an average, more sucessful the relationships without a prior friendship.

The thing is if your good friends, admitting your feelings shouldn't break up the friendship, as long as she isn't in another relationship.

Now as you said you don't want to come on to strong, so don't try saying "I've fallen for you and want to go out with you!" or "I love you" or definetely don't try "I NEED you"

And don't try being to subtle. If you are subtle, girl's will usually pick up on it (we're sensitive to **** like that) but they will often second guess our intuition saying 'maybe he just thinks I'm attractive' or 'maybe he sees me as a sister'.

What you need to do is be straight forward in a non-destracting enviroment. For example a park, library, or even a living room would be good. Invite her over for a movie night or ask her to go on a walk with you, if you want, bring flowers (nothing to extravagant- a dozen of red roses would be intimidating, try maybe 3 pink roses, or a dozen of carnations, or even some lillies) and give them to her in a slightly offhanded manner. (ex:" I knew such and such were your favorite flowers, and thought you need to be shown how much you are appreciated")

Now after movie, walk, whatever, when things are quiet sit her down. Do not seem nervous or over excited. Keep facial contact (staring doesn't work and you can glance off every now and again) and say to her something like "Have you ever thought of the possibility of us being MORE then friends?" or "You know I really care about you right? We've been friends for quite a while, but I think I'm starting to care about you more then 'just a friend' " or "This might sound weird, but I might've developed some feelings for you beyond the bound of friendship." Something to that effect (be sure to say it in your own words though). You see its not to strong and not weak but its not demanding action or reciprication of feelings and will be less likely to make her feel trapped or cornered.

There is a chance she feels the same for you, so these are good openings to use. However if she doesn't feel the same for you, do not loose face. It may hurt or make you feel rejected or vulnerable, but don't let it get to you. If she doesn't return your feelings simply say, "Well I just thought you should know how I felt. But don't worry, I value our friendship too much to let this get in the way of that. But just know, if you ever change your mind, I am here for you." again in your own words, but something like this will let her now you aren't angry and that things should go back to normal.

In the chance that she does return your feelings, remember these few things:
1. Do not pressure her into intimate situations, or even initiate them. When she's ready, she'll initiate. I know this can be hard, but if you don't pressure or initiate, it'll reassure her that you didn't just want her for appearance or sex (yes I know you've messed around, but playing around and approaching sex with emotions backing you up are too different things)
2. Be as cheesy as you want. Flowers and boxes of chocolates, stuffed animals and cute cards are always appreciated. Don't worry if she doesn't give a Hallmark moment reaction. Its really hard for girls to know how to react to cutesy things, and are often times left speechless. But don't over due the gifts, as it might give the impression your trying to buy her off.
3. Act like a gentleman, open doors for her, put your jacket over deep puddles (and it doesn't matter if its your favorite jacket, it just makes the gesture even nicer) walk on the outside side of the sidewalk (to protect her from cars splashing and such) offer arm to her (you can do this in a cheesy joking manner as well, works great with a goofy smile) and the like.
4. Do not brag to your friends about dating her in manners like "Guess who I'm going out with" if you need to brag do so in a manner that if she overheard, she'd feel complimented. "I can't believe how lucky I am, I am going out with the most beautiful and graceful girl around. She's got a gorgeous smile..."
5. Remain faithful, and yes looking is unfaithful. Sure you can glance at a chick, but looking up her skirt, or looking at her chest or staring at her lustfully will make your friend/girlfriend feel un wanted.
6. Its okay to be jealous but not controlling. If she talks about a certain guy flirting with you, its okay to scowl, frown, give her a hug protectively, or anything like that. But don't be like "I'll kick his ***" or "I don't want you going around him ever again." because it makes it seem like you don't trust her.

If you follow these guidelines it is likely that if you break up, you'll be able to stay friends. I really hope these things help, and good luck!

Answer 2

In the same situation right now. For real, the same movie and everything. I just told the girl exactly what i was trying to do and we still are going to the movie just not as a date. I suggest you get whatever you have to say to her off your chest. Whether it be to her or someone else. If you do tell her make sure your in a neutral state of mind to prepare yourself for any kind of response. If you really wanna push the envelope just tell her straight up that you want more than a movie afterwards relationship wise.

Answer 3

just tell her your feelings and ask her how she feels. you guys were friends before you realized your deeper feelings for her. but she could be thinking a million different things right now. the way to approach "the talk" is to let her know that you know that she could feel freaked out, but that youre not telling her this to upset her. i think maybe she will realize this is not the end of the world and talk to you reasonably. if she doesnt seem to be willing to take your friendship to the next level, there is nothing you can do to make her want it. you have to move on. but dont go all stupid and stop being friends with her. i think she will need a little space if she doesnt want to up your relationship. shes gonna need to deal with your confession. hopefully she wont flip out and think you two have to stop being friends. and who knows, maybe something great will happen between the two of you and your sparks for her will be joined by hers and you guys will have fireworks!

Answer 4

If you want to know how she feels, ask her. Ask her in a matter-of-fact way, as if you were asking a friend. Her answer will tell you everything you need to know.

Yeah, asking can be scary, but it's a lot better to ask than to just sit around going crazy.

Answer 5

You could always just ask if she fancies going for a drink alone after the film. Or a walk if you are too young to drink hehe.
I wouldn't worry about coming on too strong - if you are mates, she will understand. Good luck.

Answer 6

When I used to be single, I was once far too shy to do the impending more often than not, unless the fellow appeared but was much more shy than I was... However I ain't single and haven't been because I was once 20 years historical.

Answer 7

Don't "approach" her and you are not supposed to date your friends, hasn't anyone ever told you that. If she wanted to go to the movies with you and was interested, considering the fact that she knew you were asking her out she would have went with you alone.

Answer 8

Ask her out again and make sure that she understands it is justt her that you expect to go out with.

Answer 9

dont do it
you will ruin a good friendship if things go wrong

Answer 10

HONEY U JUST NEED TO BE HONEST AND LET HER KNOW HOW U FEEL.....I WILL PAY OFF