I am 18 yrs old very shy as a person nice to everone , always trying to be friendly, and quiet unless i now you. I dont think at 110 pounds and 5 ft 5 or 5ft 6 that i am short or fat. My face is clear i dont get pimples that much anymore. I wear very little makeup and make sure my hair is always neat and dresses neatly too. So i dont think i am ugly but i always attract guys that treat me like property and are possesive/controling/manipulat... Is it me? My parent are also very controling so i dont need a guy like this. And i try to give everyone a chance.
2006-09-21 07:45:09 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I only have 5 friends who do not go to same college as me and i feel lonley.My mom to ld me my standards for guys are too high.
2006-09-21 07:46:23 · update #1
These are the types of guys that will generally ask me out i dont understand what i am doing to attract these people. Not a **** either i only had sex with one guy after a year then he hit me and i got a restraining order.
How can i imrove my self esteem?
2006-09-21 07:48:23 · update #2
Hi!
I don't think that anything is wrong with you, or that ou neccesaril attract the wrong guys. Maybe your shyness makes nicer guys think you don't like them, and the controlling guys don't care so they persue you anyway. Try joining a club at your college where you are sure to find nice guys (a christian club or SGA is a good one!)
Good Luck!
2006-09-21 07:50:00 · answer #1 · answered by mminuyasha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I think your mom is completely wrong. Wanting a relationship based on mutual respect with a guy who doesn't try to control or manipulate you is NOT too much to ask.
I agree with the first answerer that men who treat women this way are insecure. Perhaps because you're shy they perceive you as an easy mark. That's not to say that there's anything wrong with you. There's a book you might want to read called "The Gift of Shyness" (I can't remember the author.) It's about embracing your shyness and making it work for you in relating to other people. You might find some insight in there regarding your level of self-esteem.
You did the right thing, though, taking a stand against the guy that hit you. You're clearly not the weak woman that some of these losers might perceive you to be. Remember that and be proud about it. Maybe you just need to work on recognizing the type earlier on so you don't waste time on the rotten eggs. There really ARE good guys out there; if you believe you deserve one, you'll find him.
2006-09-21 14:55:32 · answer #2 · answered by mockingbird 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you are doing the right things maybe you should not give everyone a chance ask to be friends first or maybe ask around how this guy treated his other gf before you date him. But i do not know what your standards are but You do deserve someone that treats you like person and not property. Maybe try going out of the box maybe go date someone that you might not think of has your type. I did that and i been together with him for 12 years now. I had the same problems getting with the wrong ppl and always nice to everyone and giving everyone a chance. But i met him and my friends had to convince me to go out with him he really was not my type of person to date thought as a friend but not as bf or nething but since my friends knew him better then i did i belived that he was a good guy so i gave him a chance and we dated for six years and i told him straight out no sex and he was fine with that and we been together ever since we married and i have two kids now. I married him at 19. so all i am saying look outside your type. Maybe you will find someone that will treat you they way you should be treated ITs not you at all though so just bc you keep yourself clean and all that does not give men the right to treat you badly.
well good luck.
ps maybe take a break from boys that may help also when your not looking the right one just may pop up and you can become friends first and see how they really are.
2006-09-21 15:16:25 · answer #3 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, I'm a parent of two one is 18 and the other one is 21years old.
First of all where are you meeting these people?
They sound like jerks!!!!
I'm sorry to hear that cause the one most important thing I taught my 18 year old son is to be honest upfront and respectful to young ladies. I feel he does this very well. One very important thing you need to do is to get to know this person before you go out with them. Maybe meet with other friends around and talk to each other and get to know each other better and let them know about your feelings on being controlling and obnoxious. Then maybe go out together but don't get intimate for awhile. Because that's when men think they can control you. With the experience that I had with guys not so long ago even though I have been married to the same man 25 years. I never let him control me. I have a mind of my own and if I want to do something I don't need his permission. Yes out of respect I do tell him where I am going and when I will be back but that's the extent of it. good luck!!!
2006-09-21 14:55:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because your parents are like that is probably why you attract guys that are that way. If your parents think your expectations are high then GOOD! You should expect alot out of a guy. To many losers out there now. But.. remember you are only 18. Take it one date or guy at a time. Don't be in such a hurry to get into things seriously with anyone. Your young. get your education and then worry about relationships. If you don't have friends where you are at school check out a local church and being by yourself is not so bad when you have times to cram for test. Take it as a blessing your not distracted.
2006-09-21 14:55:08 · answer #5 · answered by bugjuice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, life isn't as easy as me telling you what to do and it happens...but most of the time life just happens (depsite what some may say). I believe everything happens for a reason, but don't always look at the negative. Sometimes, it may help, but look at the positive. You know what some guys are like, and hopefully not all are like that. What you need to do is take it easy, if you keep finding out that you are dating possessive guys, then stop trying to date. Take time off, make friends, and when the time is right, you'll find what you're looking for. Granted it's possible to have your standards too high, but never settle for acceptance. Settle for happiness.
2006-09-21 14:51:08 · answer #6 · answered by ch_jakal_lv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Standards can never be too high. Don't lower your standards to find an acceptable guy. You sound like a very good looking woman and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders so don't give up. Maybe try joining a club in college that interests you because they you will likely meet people with other similar interests. Don't give up and don't settle for someone who is possessive and/or controlling.
2006-09-21 14:50:00 · answer #7 · answered by betterlife_travel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off ----- you are only 18 and have a great sense of self, keep on track, so many things change in life, but you are the only one that knows what you want, and how to get it.
Sometimes you might feel overwhelmed with what you call loneliness, but it is just a sense of what you want to achieve and how to get it, and then you start to doubt yourself.
Keep focused, and you will reward yourself with the right partner in life, you don't want to move back in with mom and dad that is why you are becoming a new person by educating yourself to be your own self, if you feel that you are getting the wrong guy's then try different places that interest you and maybe you will find a friend there to start your journey.
by the way I am male, just in case you wondered? and I have quite a few years on me.
but just one thing to remember is never look back on what you wanted to do and just look ahead on how you want to be, your answer is there in your quest to be you.
UBU girl ! and just remember you make memories, and you live life as best you can, then you have what you want, and give what you have.
good luck and hope what you are is true to yourself..... ")
2006-09-21 15:02:39 · answer #8 · answered by visiongrafixs 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a Christian mom and 31 & remember what it was to be very shy and 18. I too always seemed to attract not very nice guys.
You meantioned having a low self esteem. I too still have a low self esteem but as a Christian I try hard to remember that God loves me for who I am. I know God loves me no matter what I do, but He does want me to to be and do the best I can. Try to remember that. What you think of yourself really shows to a lot of people. So try hard to love who you are and who you are meant to be. If you hate and don't like yourself others will get a feel for it.
I don't know what you religon is but strongly suggest Joyce Meyer. She airs on tv and you can watch online too. She is a Christian woman who is a lot of like Dr. Phil. Watching her tv shows and listening to her tapes really helped my self esteem rise.
Most important you need to love yourself before you are ready to let someone else love.
I got married at 18 to a wonderful man 8yrs older than me. But it took me years to really let him love the real me.
I hope this helps.
2006-09-21 15:48:33 · answer #9 · answered by Faith 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not you!!! Those guys hit on everyone...I'm 24 and have been married for 4 years...UNTIL i met my husband all the guys I dated were exactly the same as the ones you described. You have to keep your standards high because if you don't every creep will try to run over you. I applaud you for keeping your standards high and keeping your pants on!! Hopefully you will find a real man in church. The ones who put God first always have their priorities in order!! Good luck!
2006-09-21 14:56:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋