First week I started care for child he did not cry at all, last three weeks cries each day, runs and flings himself at me as I leave preschool. What can I do? Tried a couple of things, he always promises not to cry, but always does. I am getting frustrated.
2006-09-21 07:33:29 · 13 answers · asked by Causerie 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Preschool
working in a daycare I can tell you that I have seen MANY children cry and throw a fit when their parents leave but it is a VERY rare case that the crying lasts more than 5 minutes after mom has left and usually a lot shorter than that.
You cannot try to rationalize with your child- they will learn by habit and practice and it only makes it worse for the child and the nursery worker for you to linger around to wait for them to calm down. A hug and kiss and I will be back- then walk out without lingering, looking back or trying to calm him down will work just fine. The preschool workers are genreally used to this and will have it under control. It may take some time but within a couple of weeks, often less, he will begin to come into the school and run off to play forgetting to even say goodbye.
Also, I would not make a big deal of it at home- don't try to get him to promise not to cry- at that time he feels strong enough to do it but at the time he is confronted with your leaving, his emotions take over- it is natural and normal and you want him to learn from it and grow towards trusting you will return and being comfortable where he is, not feel bad about himself because he keeps crying after he promises not to.
2006-09-21 07:54:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is getting the attention he wants. Just the fact that you have him promise not to cry shows who is in control. What about the daycare workers for you? Are you certain that he is not being emotionally/mentally or phisicaly abused or worse by them? You should ask him why he doesn't want to stay at daycare. 4 year old should be able to verbalize for you. Do you have to work and leave him. They are only little once and then the school systems have them more than we do. I would ask youself that question first. Then if you do have to make the choice to leave him at daycare, definetly let him know that when it is time for you to go, then you must go. Get the support of daycare worker or staff to keep him from chasing afeter you for a few times and when you leave, no matter how much noise and fuss don't look back except if your in your car driving away and then wave big and smile no matter how sad and upset he looks. Eventually, he will get back into the routine you had previously. He has to know that you are in control, you are the adult and if you are confident he is fine at daycare he will feel more secure about being left there too. I know it's hard but hang in there, it is a battle of wills. If you begin to lose battles to him now you are in for a very rough future.
2006-09-21 07:58:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would observe the preschool. Next try giving him a "buddy" to have at school with him. Hopefully a small enough toy that won't get in the way and yet still bring comfort to him. Try a reward system. Using the Refrig and make up your own design. Place start for each day he doesn't cry. Then provide a reward that will help to keep up the good work! Good luck mom. I know it a hard time know hopefully soon he will settle in.
2006-09-24 10:19:59 · answer #3 · answered by LAUSDDISTRICT8MOMOFTHREE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i operated 3 daycares 4 5 yrs u need to bring him in tell him what u expect to do when u pick him up if he acts like a big boy wake him up in plenty of time mom so hes not half asleep then kiss him by go down the road to nearest phone or use ur cell call around 7 min after u leave c if hes stopped bet u he has and if he keeps up the flinging himself at u u need to put him in time out at the daycare no matter what thats wrong and i was kicked many times and hurt by children acting like that so allow time and u willl c when u call hes cool hes just trying u mom goodlluck
2006-09-23 13:39:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a three-year-old (soon to be four-year-old) daughter. You have to be comforting but firm. He's basically testing you to see whether he can "talk you into" (or "cry you into") giving in and taking him with you.
Try go get into a clear routine every morning when you drop him off. Put away his things and do whatever else you have to do. (We always have to wash my daughter's hands.) Then give him a big hug, say goodbye, turn around and leave. He'll cry and it'll be really hard -- but after you do this for several days (maybe longer), he should accept it.
Good luck.
2006-09-21 07:44:09 · answer #5 · answered by David M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm disappointed in the replies to the Q. I searched for the answer myself and came upon this to find you guys insulting this lady for placing her child in daycare and her profession. She's searching out answers from experienced moms, as I am. Obviously she's looking for help, not insults. No one wants to place their child in someone else's care. What works for one child doesn't work for another. If you can't take the care of children serious, don't take up space here or anywhere else.
2006-09-25 05:59:02 · answer #6 · answered by Mom2 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
CONSISTENCY !Always reassure when you are going that we will give hugs and kisses and you want to hear AALLLL about his day at school when you pick him up!!
Usually too, the teacher will work with you , try to distract him at drop off time with something in the classroom. My youngest one did this for the first 3 weeks, each time it got a bit better, then tues. a bit of regression, but they will be fine. Good luck ! I think it is always harder for us than it is for them!
Chin up!
2006-09-21 13:53:41 · answer #7 · answered by Michele S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you'll see him @ a certain time. Might help him know that your coming back. Toddlers go through this, and it will get better. You just to be firm and don't give in. His teacher should try and distract him to help.
2006-09-21 09:43:43 · answer #8 · answered by SHELLBELL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am puzzled by your making him promise not to cry. you are asking him to deny his feelings and suppress his expression of his feelings. how can he grow into a healthy person when you are asking that of him? Please think about what I am asking.
This child is far too young for this separation. No child should be subjected to separation from mom - it's very bad for them, despite the profession you serve in.
2006-09-24 14:20:08 · answer #9 · answered by cassandra 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you have to say goodbye firmly. give him a hug and kiss. choke back your tears cuz if he sees that he will think something is wrong. say cheerfully i will see you after work. smile leave then cry
2006-09-21 07:39:42 · answer #10 · answered by ruthie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋