Happy vs. cranky baby,, any firm beliefs?

Question

I am a 25 yr old mother of one 15 month old son. Married to his father for 3 yrs with him for 9 yrs. Work 3 days per week. Own a home 2 cars 4 wheeler, baby has TONS of toys etc... no drinking or drugs, I do not go out but maybe once every 6 months, nothing unusual happens in our home. We are the commercial for boring stable american working family. We know a few "unstable" families divorced, bar hoppers, dating frequently, drink smoke, late nights, fighting, broke, drop kids everywhere they can to get out to the bar 5-6 nights per week etc.. everything you can think of as unstable. Our child is soooo cranky and their children are so laid back. Go with the flow, barely ever cry, fall asleep on their own, eat anything. My kid is like the kid you dont want to watch because he gets rocked to sleep, picky eater, cries when he even fall on his butt, If I do it all by the book and others just neglect their kid day after day why is my kid always upset and theirs seems so happy with life?

Answer 1

Their kids are probably beat into submission. Sounds awful but it's probably the truth. People who don't want to be around their kids, drop them off with anyone that will take them, usually have short fuses and the kids know it. They get conditioned to just go with the flow for their own sake. They usually eat just about anything because they are just happy to get food.

What you probably do is provide for your son's every whim. Not that it's bad, it just makes for a fussy kid. My first is going to be 9 and she's like that. I did everything for her and she got everything she wanted. She still crys at the drop of a hat and expects the world to revolve around her. When the second one came around I didn't do that stuff for her and she is a very happy go lucky kid. She is very giving while the eldest is selfish to the core.

To help him go to sleep on his own, set a firm bedtime and set a routine. Do not deviate and in time he will go to bed without a fuss. Ours are in bed by 8pm and we have our evenings to ourselves. And stop buying everything under the sun for him. Even if you can afford it. Set goals for when you will buy something and what it will be. Learn to say No at the checkout line and hold firm to it. Life is full of disappointments and if they can deal with being told No at the candy aisle, they will be able to deal with most anything. ;) Good luck...kids are tough!

Answer 2

its thaty beer the other kid gets for breakfast. Cranky is sometimes caused by a physical discomfort like allergies. I had a very cranky brother and he turned out the most stable and happy of 6 kids, so this may not last. Here is the the key for figuring out when it is psychological. If you feel annoyed then the child needs more attention. Some kids need more attention than 2 people can give so help might relieve the problem. If you are getting angry then you have a strong willed child who is already trying to get control.

OH YEAH HOW ARE THOSE TEETH DOIN ANYWAY

Answer 3

i think genetics can have a lot to do with it... research has shown that babies have definite temperaments at birth (needy/independent, cranky/happy, etc.)
i am sure that nutrition in the womb and family environment do make a lot of difference, but i wouldn't assume that just because you have a difficult baby, you're doing something wrong.
i had a perfect pregnancy, vitamins, no drugs... everything you're supposed to do... and from the moment my son was born he was a MONSTER. very needy and angry if he didn't get his way even from a few days after birth. he has continued to have an anger problem and hyperactivity his whole life (he's almost 2 now). i have tried lots of things and have come to the conclusion that "he's just like that"... he just has a strong personality with a tendency towards anger. and it's my tough job as his mommy to help him channel that into positive activities and attitudes as he gets older. believe me, i feel for you, and i know it's not an easy job! in fact, it sucks really bad most of the time. but if you continue blaming yourself for your troubles, you'll go crazy. just accept your son like he is, and work with it as best you can.

the only other thing i can say is this: from what you've written, it sounds like your son has had it pretty easy... mommy around all the time, rocked when he wants to be, etc. those other "neglected" kids learned at a young age that they weren't necessarily going to get what they wanted when they wanted it, so they learned to go with the flow and not be so picky. i do agree with some of the above posts... at some point you MUST draw the line. and it will be MUCH easier now than when he's older. set a bedtime routine and stick with it. let him "cry it out" at bedtime if need be. try a little of that "neglecting him" bit like the busier moms do... keep him safe, but don't be available to him every second. he will have to make these hard transitions at some point in his life, whether it's when the next kid is born, or when he starts school, or when he gets his first job (God forbid).... it will be easier on both of you, and healthier for him in the long run, if he learns some of these hard life lessons earlier rather than later.

good luck to you!

Answer 4

Sounds just like us and our daughter. I've found the best way to deal with this is to try to stick to a routine as much as possible. When our daughter knows what's coming she seems to relax a lot more and life is easier. As soon as things are at all unpredictable or different, we have trouble. She also needs a lot of stimulation. She likes to be part of things and she's happy if she's doing things with me. Hang in there, and don't feel guilty. Just keep trying to learn who he is. Every child is an individual and some kids are more complicated than others.

Answer 5

Each baby is different so please don't guide your child rearing by comparing to others. It sounds like you are doing a great job raising your son and the values that you are instilling in him now will carry over when he is grown and out on his own.
Some advice....kids start to play on your emotions at a very early age so he is capable of going to sleep by himself...it is hard for a week or so but well worth the effort.
Good Reading would be "Supernanny: How to get the best from your children".
More advice...Love every minute you are with your children, time flies by!!!

Answer 6

Your post reminded me so much of the questions I used to ask myself a few years ago, so I really felt the need to offer my thoughts here.

I am a mom to two kids, a daughter who is 5 and a son who is 3. My husband and I have been married for 12 years, have a very loving relationship and provide what we feel to be a loving, stable and nurturing home for our family.

My daughter has a very easy-going and lighthearted nature. She laughs easily and often and enjoys new situations. She has always been this way. I was frequently complimented when she was an infant on how happy and bright she is, and the implication was always that I was obviously doing something very well that she is such a "good" and "easy" child. As a first time mom, I knew that she was an amazing child, but I also had the very strong feeling that she was innately that way. My sense was that even though I knew I was being the best mom I could be, that she was her own person, regardless. Nonetheless, the compliments felt great and soon after her first birthday, I was pregnant with my son.

My son is a delight and joy, just like his sister, but his personality--his disposition--is entirely different. The first year of his life was extrememly difficult. He was fussy, although not in a colicky way. I could not put him down--ever--and he cried easily and often. I often sensed he was just "disgruntled". Sleeping was very erratic for him, and I literally nearly collapsed from lack of sleep. Eating was a chore, as he was (is) very picky and I worry about him getting enough variety in his diet. His reactions to falling were and are similar to your son's. He is an intense personality, and is very sensitive. He's very clingy in social situations, but once he warms up his beautiful sweetness shines through. He was a "high needs" baby, and is now a "high needs" preschooler.

People never complimented me on what a great job I was doing when he was a baby/toddler, and frequently don't even now--although they will go on and on about how amazing my daughter is. When, in utter exhaustion and tears I would share my frustrations about the difficulties I was having, the responses I received ranged from disbelief that things were really that bad to people actually telling me that it was my fault--that my son was feeling my anxieities and was acting out in the only way he knew how. I felt utterly alone, demoralized, and angry.

I hope you have stayed with this response--I'm sorry it is so long, but I really wanted to convey to you that you are not alone.

My point is this--kids are born with their own personalities and disposition. These innate qualities are indeed affected by environment (home life, life experiences, etc.), but a child's basic "blueprint" is there at birth. Please, I hope that everyone who reads this understands what I am saying here. What we DO to and with our children makes a difference, but that difference will always be regulated by their own temperment, as well. Enough said.

You have a blessing in your life in your little boy, which you already know. He may be more sensitive and need more reassurance from you to feel safe in this world. It is definitely harder and more exhausting to parent a child who had this type of temperment, but I can assure you, the rewards are greater, as well. If you haven't already, I would encourage you to share your thoughts with his pediatrician. My son's ped. has been so understanding, from the beginning, and was actually the one to introduced me to the phrase "high needs baby".

In closing, I would encourage you to check out the literature out there about high needs kids. I have found it very helpful. The most helpful thing, though, is talking to moms and dads who understand what you are saying. There are some great online chat boards on ivillage for parents of high needs kids.

You're doing a great job. Don't get yourself down comparing your child or your parenting to anyone else's. And definitely don't let anyone who doesn't have personal experience with this look down their nose at you. Hold your head high, allow your child to have the extra security from you that you know he needs, no matter what anyone else says. It will pay off exponentially.

Take care!

Answer 7

I don't know. We have a very stable family and our son isn't cranky. Maybe you need to look more at what you are doing instead of other people. You shouldn't him to sleep because as you know--it causes problems. There are ways to avoid the problems with your cranky child. He can have all the toys in the world--it doesn't make a difference.

Answer 8

All of that has nothing to do with the kids being cranky. How did YOU train your child to sleep? If you train him to fall asleep by being rocked, that is what he will prefer and object if you try anything else. You have to break him of that. How do YOU react when your child falls down? If you run to him and act upset, he will learn to act upset. You should make light of the fall, encourage him to get up (obviously, unless he is seriously injured). But you do not have to run over to him everytime he has a tumble. You can't do much about picky eating. They just have their preference just like we do. You have to encourage good eating habits and feed him the healthy things he likes. You are probably just babying him too much and catering to his every whim instead of trying to teach him to fall asleep by himself, try new foods, and just get up if you fall. Your characteristics of unstable do not make bad parents. Also, kids tend to act like their parents. If the other parents are laid back the kids are likely to be. If you are stressed and obsessed and strict, that is no fun and your baby will be too. Lighten up.

Answer 9

Kids are funny like that...I don't think your child is necessarily unhappy though. It could be a number of things. Kids are just like people, only smaller. Some are chipper, some are cranky, some emotional...and the list goes on. Try not to be too hard on yourself, it doesn't sound like the problem is you or what you are doing. And, he will more then likely grow out of if.

Answer 10

I agree with Janci.

Adults have different personalities and so do kids. Some are just relaxed and accept the parents' structure, other kids have a deeper need to be in control. It's just the way they are.

My friend and I each have kids, who were born a week apart. Mine is an easy-going, obediant, out-going girl. Hers is a stubborn, shy boy. She and I are very similar with temperment, parenting style and pregnancy philosophies, but our kids still turned out very different.