Two of my family members that have both passed away, said they wanted to be creamated and said , "If I can't get flowers while I'm alive, what good are they gonna do me on a grave when I'm dead? I can't see them or smell them and they're a waste of money." Anyone agree? So would it be against etiquette to NOT put flowers on a grave marker if it was against their wishes, even if it's a sign of respect?
2006-09-21 07:07:07 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You might consider giving the money you would have spent on flowers to that person's favourite charity in their name. That would be a good thing and would still show respect. Blessings.
2006-09-21 07:53:30 · answer #1 · answered by Mama Otter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel the same, I wouldn't want flowers on my grave when I'm dead, especially so from ones who never gave them when I was living. However, to mark the final resting place with items showing that the dead person was loved is more a need for the living and I believe a compromise would be to decorate with perhaps a plant or two and to tend these, or to provide a statue... something more permanent than flowers
2006-09-21 07:15:59 · answer #2 · answered by hollymichal 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your two family members stated that they don't want flowers, then NO, I wouldn't put flowers on their graves. It was their final wish and I would respect it.
I see where you are coming from you love them and want to pay respects by putting flowers as a memorial or kind gesture, but my tradition about the dead is always respect their wishes.
Now, if a friend puts flowers on your f.ms. graves, that is different and there is nothing you can do or say.
Usually people say in the obituary that the deceased doesn't want flowers or a big funeral. Their choice.
My dad who died didn't like to see anybody wearing any kind of black article clothing while he was alive and he stated it often. He himself didn't wear any article of clothing that was black. So, let me tell you a few weeks out of respect I wore black after his funeral. I really felt funny, and tossed the black clothes aside and put colored clothing. I feel my dad wanted his wishes granted, and I respected it.
2006-09-21 11:07:53 · answer #3 · answered by Born Valentine's Day 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are really two different questions here. In response to the first, would I put flowers on someone's grave if I never gave them to the person in life, yes, I might. If it was someone I cared for greatly in life and I gave them other presents they appreciated more than flowers in their lifetime, then I might leave flowers at their grave as a sign to others that those people were still loved and missed.
As to whether I would leave flowers for someone who had indicated that they did not want them, no, I wouldn't. Instead, I would think of a charity the person might have appreciated and donate money in their name.
2006-09-21 08:54:46 · answer #4 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are loved ones then you should put flowers on the grave whether it was against their wishes or not. If they look down and see that they have flowers they will be greatly appreciative of them. Most flowers die so it is a waste of money but, that is why you buy fake flowers.
2006-09-21 07:32:43 · answer #5 · answered by Cutie Pie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally if I had the means I would place flowers on every grave if for no other reason but beauty. I believe that the final resting place of anyone should reflect beauty. I was born and raised in a town where the cemetery is the most beautiful cite of the city. Well kept and humbling to walk through final resting places have history.
2006-09-21 07:14:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Respect their wishes. To many people worry to much what other people are going to think. Just make sure it was what your family member wanted. More people need to give flowers while people are a live and not just the good smelling ones. Doing nice things for people while their living is like giving flowers.
2006-09-21 23:16:21 · answer #7 · answered by purrfectsandcastle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I would not, especially if they did not want them. It would not be against etiquette. You are never required to place flowers on a grave marker. Some just enjoy doing it, in honor of the deceased.
2006-09-21 07:15:58 · answer #8 · answered by makeitright 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They sound like they were practical and frugal people. At this point, it's a personal decision in how you want to honor them.
Since my dad served in the military my parents are buried in a veteran's cemetery. When I visit their grave I place 2 small American flags on the headstone. If I have some flowers blooming in the yard I bring a bouquet also. I wouldn't' feel right if I didn't bring anything.
Sorry for your loss.
2006-09-21 07:47:55 · answer #9 · answered by sunnyca 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, that depends.... the person selecting the grave marker - were they close to the person who died? had they ever given them flowers (or gifts for no reason)? if so, then it's highly appropriate. usually when that's said it's because it's true - they don't want people wasting their money. my grandmother said it too - some brought red or pink roses - her favorite - however it was only those that had always brought them - the others made a donation to our church or one of her other charities.
2006-09-21 10:18:06 · answer #10 · answered by Marysia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋