I have a 7 year old who recently came to live with me after being sexually abused by her stepdad. She refuses to wipe herself after going to the bathroom. What is the best way to teach her and make sure she is taking care of herself properly?
2006-09-21 06:34:06 · 18 answers · asked by wyogirl 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Wow, my heart goes out to you. I'm dad of 5 girls and I understand the importance of teaching these sensitive things to our children. We thought we had done our job, but even a little thing can be learned wrong. Our 5 yr-old was recently in the hospital for almost a week for a urinary e-coli infection. In the end, we found that, while she was wiping every time, it was back to front. We assumed she was doing as taught - front to back - but we were wrong. She was on an IV and it was not a pleasant experience. Use her story as you explain in straight-forwrd terms to your daughter why it is important. I've always found that the best way to talk about anything is open and honest. In her case, you may want to consult a therapist to assist you in understanding the issues of abuse. It might be she doesn't want anything including herself to touch her "there". Scars from abuse can last forever and she needs as much intensive help as she can get (as much as she will participate). Its likely she will be at least in her teens before she can effectively deal with all of the issues. Besides this issue of wiping, I recommend tthat you get in touch with "survivors" groups to help yourself to understand how to best parent her and help her heal. Good luck, sweetie. I'll pray for you and your child.
2006-09-21 06:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by DeeDub 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It probably directly relates to the sexual abuse. Talk to her case worker and try to get her into therapy. She has alot of issues to work through. Don't punish her, just encourage her to take care of her personal hygiene. Tell her that she needs to clean herself after using the bathroom. Tell her that if she doesn't, she may get a bladder infection, and those are really uncomfortable! Provide her with some moist wipes, those are more gentle and she may be more comfortable with those.
I wish you the best of luck. Don't give up on her, she's been through enough already and she doesn't need to be abandoned again.
I just wanted to edit to add, I like the idea of encouraging her to do her own laundry. It's never too early to teach a child how to do their laundry. Have her bring down her clothes every couple of days, ask her to put them into the washer. Show her how to put in the correct amount of laundry detergent and which setting to put the washer on. After they're done washing, do the same thing for the drier. If she's shorter, get a stepping stool so she can put her clothes in and take them out easier if you have a top-load washer.
2006-09-21 13:37:05 · answer #2 · answered by sovereign_carrie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You might want to address this with her pediatrician.....it is probably emtional, maybe he didn't touch her when she was dirty. Thats why I say her pediatrician or a therapist should address it.
You can try talking to her and getting the new Cottonelle tissue and wipes with the puppy on the package and tissue....I don't think wiping is an issue though, I think its a self protection thing which is going to take a lot more trust building to break through. Mean time perhaps having a bunch of clean soft wash cloths and doing a lot of laundry will help......you have a serious problem babe and I feel for you. Therapy is the only thing I think will work.
2006-09-21 13:40:46 · answer #3 · answered by WitchTwo 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have a step-son with a similar problem, who's almost 8. Similar background, too. This isn't so much an answer (I really want some suggestions, too!!!!) as my sympathy vote. We have a tub of wet wipes to assist after he goes for a visit. When he goes, it really leaves an icky mess on his rear, too. We make him do a courtesy wipe before we help him.
Wet wipes should be helpful. I figure if he can reach his bum for a scratch when it gets itchy, there's no reason he shouldn't give us a courtesy wipe before we're obliged to assist. I wish I knew a way for him to accept responsibility for himself, though.
2006-09-21 13:42:19 · answer #4 · answered by warped_factor_ten 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She needs a therapist because her problems are mental problems, but you can start helping her by explaining that wiping herself is not a bad touch, its to clean herself and thats a good thing. Tell her there is nothing to be ashamed of that its ok to wipe and wash herself, its her private parts and she has control.
2006-09-21 13:41:59 · answer #5 · answered by Charmed 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Maybe take her to go pick out her own underwear, something cute & fancy, and remind her we dont want to stain it with poo streaks?
My 5 year old wasnt wiping, it was disgusting. By the time she got home from school everyday she reeked of urine from not wiping herself all day, not to mention the skidmarked underwear! Those Kandoo wipes helped too.
2006-09-21 13:38:14 · answer #6 · answered by lindsay74 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Explain to her that she will smell if she doesn't clean herself and that it isn't healthy. That all girls wipe. Get her some wet wipes to try. They make some just for kids! Don't stay in there with her. Make sure she doesn't have any sores there or inflamation. Get her counceling. Best of luck
2006-09-21 13:39:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I was adopted by my former foster parents and have gone through a very large number of foster brothers. My father has adopted six of them so far. I am 27 now and of course, have my own place but frequently go home to visit.
The last child my father adopted had this exact same problem, word-for-word. I was the one to come up with the solution that finally solved the problem.
My solution was simple- make the kid do his own laundary. And yes, he was the same age. They are more perceptive than you think, and it wasn't long before the sight and smell of his own filthy underwear became enough of a motivation to change his hygiene habits.
2006-09-21 13:42:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am having the same problem with my 4 year old I think you just have to explain the reason that you have to wipe, like you will get an infection and have to go to the dr., or you will smell like pee and then other kids will smell you too, just that everyone has to do it and she will have to also.
2006-09-21 13:38:26 · answer #9 · answered by amandawilkerson2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
FIRST THING SHE NEEDS TO KNOW IS THAT IT IS NOT HER FAULT.
I have dealt with this problem. Explain that she will get sick if she does not wipe. Let her know that it is okay for her to touch herself there in order to wipe. Front to back. And GET her to a GOOD councilor (preferably one who has been there) The therapy will be worth it.
2006-09-21 13:47:29 · answer #10 · answered by anita_reel 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋