This guy has always been honest with me and has always said that he's not ready for a serious relationship... I respected that and we carried on this intimate relationship where he showed compassion and friendship like i have never known before. I didn't mean to fall for him but we went through a period where we couldn't speak to one another and i found that i missed him so very much.. like i died inside without him.. I ended up telling him. He still speaks to me and says it's ok to feel what i feel but that he can't return those feelings at this time. he is not ready. we have since let go of our intimacy with each other...and it's killing me. I don't know how to go back... I just keep remembering the little things he would do with me...like make me close my eyes and hug me from behind and say thank you... I'd ask for what and he'd say for being special. During this time he was exclusive with me.
Help please if you can...
2006-09-21 06:19:28 · 14 answers · asked by chance_ghost 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have never met this man in person but yet so personally have i met him... It started out as a crazy game of Truth or Dare on chance choosing in a list of screen names...then became this amazing encounter that drew us together daily... poetry, books, music, dancing, joking, laughing, and talking about ..which star is the brightest kind of thing.
2006-09-21 08:12:39 · update #1
Find another guy. This guy is not ever going to committ to you.
2006-09-21 06:20:37 · answer #1 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometime we find what we want before we find what we need. There is a difference you know. You need to get it together and figure out that this guy may be nice and turn you on but he is not willing to take this relationship any further. Do you long to be hurt or do you really want happiness?
Let me peer into my crystal ball and tell you the future. You go after this guy in spite his protest. You get pregnant or force the issue until you get him. Years later your marriage is failing and you don't know why. Well the seed of failure was planted early on but you ignored it. Now you are dealing with a rotten relationship. You are basically to blame because you did not face the truth and move on when you should have.
You should only want those things that are for you and leave all else alone!
2006-09-21 06:46:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my girl....this sound a little bit of brain washing and mind games. Sweetie there's guys out there that will do those things and say those things and not really mean them just to F with you....they want you to fall in love them and then reject you because it makes there penis size seem so much bigger.
Forget about this guy and move on. don't talk to him and try to find someone who really does care and isn't playing mind games with you. Trust me on this....I am single and have been for a very long time because I like variety and the casual relationships. The reason why I like casual relationships is because it's NOT intimate.....it's not suppose to be intimate that's the whole point of a casual relationship. There's no sweet nothings whispered in your ear because you're not there for that....it's just sex, good conversation and someone to hang out with and go to dinner and drinks with.....hence the phrase "friends with benefits"....it sounds like a relationship, but one very important factor is missing....it's not exclusive and you don't have the relationship BS to go along with it. In the morning he goes home or you go home and that's the end of it.
2006-09-21 06:28:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has obviously touched a part of your soul that you didn't realize that you had within you. You have to be strong and accept that perhaps he used you because he felt he could get to that sensitive part of you. He tried to warn you but of course, you couldn't help yourself because you never realized that your heart could be loved that way even if at a casual level.
I suggest you gently let go of your feelings. He is doing the right thing by not continuing to be intimate with you. You have to be strong for yourself and realize that if a man like him truly loved you, the passion would be even stronger than the passion you felt when he casually loved you. I say casually because although your intimate relationship was intense, it wasn't meant to lead to anything other than a casual relationship in the end.
I'm guessing that he may have been married. Married men carry a lot of passion in them because of the stresses of marriage.
But single men are like that too. You have to be open-minded in this time of heart break and let go of the spell he has put you in. When one is ideally in love, they should feel the intensity you felt without being trapped in a spell such as the one this man has placed you in.
Getting out of that spell will be the only way you will ever discover True Love.
My best wishes to you!
Tones
2006-09-21 06:26:19 · answer #4 · answered by Tones 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this would be a novice answering for u.....but still i wud love to give it a try for ur sake....i think he was aware of ur feelings long b4 u stated it to him verbally and now he is getting a bit perturbed by it (like suddenly u wanting a commitment ...) also may be he is enjoying the fact that u are serious about him (though at the start of the relation u took it as a casual stuff) after knowing him...probably he is alos feeling the same for u (well he might be hiding his pain of missing u from u) try out by being too casual towards him take ur relatioship back to the initial stage pror to the initmacy time and pretend that u got over him...just be too cool then there is a chance that he will reciprocate wid greater warmth!!...all the best
2006-09-21 06:42:47 · answer #5 · answered by simplynuts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might be gay. I'm serious. You sound awesome and I have empathy for you but I think in a way he used you.
I really can't suggest any action except to say you will meet someone new who will be everything he was and more.
Unrequieted love is the greatest pain of all.
Please don't get stuck in a time warp hoping, praying and trying to gain this man's love.
The woman who asked me to marry her, told me I was the only man she ever truly loved etc etc changed, as this guy has.
It hurts worse than anything but not moving on will just prolong the pain.
I'm a very positive, hopeful person but I'm telling you it will only hurt you by pursuing him.
Love doesn't make sense and that's just how it is.
2006-09-21 06:34:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your screwed babe.......you fell in love because he treated you well.....which in our minds mean they care.....not necessarily for the guy though. You may want to watch "Shopgirl" it was the same scenario, Steve Martin wrote it and stars in it, though it is not a comedy. There isn't anything you can do, by the time he is ready and realizes what he closed himself off to you might be in love with someone else....I tend to get that from guys....they don't have the time to date you but they periodically send you messages asking if you still love them.........omg! It will be his loss if that happens. If he figures it out and you're still single then all will be great...unless at that point you no longer trust him.
Do you remember the song "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad"? Go listen to it babe, have a good cry and make sure you don't do what this guy did to you to anyone else.
2006-09-21 06:27:09 · answer #7 · answered by WitchTwo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww. thats a sweet story. And I know it probably really hurts. But if he is so insistant that he is not ready for a relationship, I do not think you should keep holding on, holding your breath waiting for him to be ready. Its not fair to you.
Did you ever find out why he does not want anything serious? Are you sure he is truthful when he says that he was not seeing anybody else?
You need to let go for now. Make yourself happy. There are many sweet caring guys out there that are ready for commitment. And if you do let go, you never know, maybe he will come back to you one day. If you are still available you can give it another shot, and if not, its his loss.
2006-09-21 06:24:38 · answer #8 · answered by jam_psb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing.. I was casually dating a guy... When I told him, he told me the same thing.. So I backed off, told him we couldn't continue w/ this... About 3 months later, I met the guy that i'm with now, and I'm madly in love with him... Sometimes, you gotta let go of something good, so something better can come a long... I suggest you get over it, because he will not give you what you want, and it's going to break your heart..
2006-09-21 06:25:08 · answer #9 · answered by qbanita0113 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go and start looking for new guys..when a guy says he can't be in a monogomous relationship with you and is telling you he isn't ready it means he wants to *** around with other girls and he';s immature..he'll break you're heart if you let him..my advice to you is to get out there and look for somebody new..his idea of a nonserious relationship means dating around..your idea of a nonserious relationship means he just doesn't have time for one and is too busy working,etc..it's all bs..if he wanted to be with you he would have done it by now..move on
2006-09-21 06:23:44 · answer #10 · answered by LONG ISLAND GIRL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not serious about you then just keep dating him casually.
Guys do not like it when females changes the game without telling them.
If you get serious with him, he will properly move on to another person to casually date.
2006-09-21 06:21:48 · answer #11 · answered by Unique 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋