What would be more troubling to you?

Question

This actually occurred a number of years ago (>20 years);

An Evangelical Church had a good sized worship team (musicians that lead the singing). It was discovered that one man on the team was living with his girlfriend. They were not married nor were they planning on getting married.

About a week later it was discovered that another man on the worship team was battering his wife. The most resent assault was quite severe leaving her with multiple bruises and contusions. He denied that there was a problem and would not seek help. The wife was not willing to press charges or leave the relationship.

What do you think about this? Would you be troubled with having either of these men on the worship team? What would you do if you were pastor?

I'll fill in the blanks when I resolve the question.

Both the fellow and the women he was living with were thrown out of the church, since the Bible talks about this being a sin.

It was decided that the spouse abuse was not something the church should get involved in, since the Bible is not clear on this sort of matter. He actually ended up the leader of the worship team some 18 months later.

The interim pastor resigned after the church leadership made these decisions.

Answer 1

Living with your girlfriend is fine, but we all know 'girlfriends' don't want to stay girlfriends forever, so though he didn't know it, he was destined for marriage.

Any man who batters his wife is NOT a Man. This act is far more punishable in every sense, than so-called 'living in sin.' Leaving bruises and cuts, and using tools and belts to beat another human is an act of sadist torture, and could lead to that humans death, especially when it is a man beating a woman.

I would have to help the wife in getting safely away from the 'husband' and cast him away from my presence.

.

Answer 2

These situations sound like my own experiences with Christians when I was attending church. Sounds par for the course. I was troubled by these sorts of incidents and I left the Christian 'church'. I would never be pastor even if I still belonged to that group, that would be against my basic character. I am a loner.

To my mind---Living together without being married? So? Wife beating? Nothing anyone can do about it if the wife won't.

The unmarried couple were kicked out of the church. The wife beater was tolerated.

Answer 3

In the first instance, the church needs to mind it's own business. Whether or not this couple ever decides to get a state marriage license is not the church's business (at least, that's my opinion).
The second case is a much deeper issue, and the church has a responsibility to turn their information over to the police, whether or not the woman involved agrees. I'm fairly sure that it would be illegal for them to aid and abet in the crime of assault.
If I were the pastor, I would keep an eye on the first couple...it would be embarrassing for my church, if they make an issue out of their living arrangement, but as long as they are discreet, I would mind my own business. I would definitely intervene in the second instance. I would try to have the man tossed into a jail cell, and find a good Christian counselor for the woman.

Answer 4

I would not want either of them on the worship team, but I would especially have a problem with the man battering his wife. The Bible says a husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church.

I really think that those who are not visibly walking in the light do not need to be leading the flock. If I was the pastor, I would have a discussion with each of them about their situation. I would explain to them why I felt they should no longer be on the worship team and I would try to counsel them about their specific problems. In the case of the battered wife, I would also speak to her seperately to try to get her out of that situation, since the husband was in denial and would not seek help.

Answer 5

I would certainly intercede about the battering situation. A battered wife will often not seek help or press charges because she fears for her life and/or the lives of those she loves who could be threatened. Usually for a good reason. I can't imagine that a jerk who beats his wife and others in that church know, would show his face on a worship team. As far as the couple who is not married, that is hurting no one and is no one's business.

Answer 6

I don't know what i will do, because it is not me that's beating my wife. The other guy (not married bla bla) i have no problem with. Wife beating is pretty sad, but it is the wife's responsibility to get out of the relationship. If i was the Pastor i would try and speak to them and help them through their separation. I wouldn't kick him out of the group, he is obviously a person that needs a spiritual guide more than any other.

Answer 7

I'd have a problem with the wife beater, and I would encourage both of them to seek help. I would also encourage her to leave him, but understanding that this doesn't always happen, I would encourage her to at least press charges.

I have a feeling that in real life, the first person mentioned was cut from the team, while nothing happened to the wife beater. Am I correct?

Answer 8

I was always picked last for teams, so I don't foresee myself on a worship team anytime soon. But I have to say I would find some way that was not too obvious to crack the second guy in the nuts...

Answer 9

The first one would be fine by me.
The second one would not be fine by me.

Mind you, I'd be troubled to find myself on any kind of 'worship team'. Or being a pastor.

Answer 10

My guess is the first guy got kicked off the team. Some woman just lost her job here because she was living with her boyfriend.

I'd be troubled with having the 2nd on the team