Question for catholics?

Question

This is specifically for catholics, since the person in question is catholic and obeys those laws.

I once knew someone who got married. Not long after - it may have been a matter of months - she went back to her maiden name. As I got to know her a little better, and met others who knew her, it became clear that her marriage was in name only. I'm quite sure that not only were they not having sex, but that she was only staying in the marriage because catholics do not allow divorce.

My question is - what could be so awful that you would cut yourself off from your husband emotionally (and in name), but not so bad that it wouldn't be grounds for an annulment?

I cannot believe that she wouldn't go for an annulment if she could.

I can't ask her because a) it's too personal for a casual acquaintance and b) we're no longer in touch. I'm just idly curious.

Answer 1

Although I cannot speak about your friend, I do know a bit about declarations of nullity.

The Catholic Church believes that God does not recognize civil divorces.

"Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate." (Mark 10:9)

However there may be hope of a declarations of nullity.

The term "annulment" is a misnomer because the Church does not undo or erase a marriage bond.

Rather the Church issues a declaration of nullity when it discovers that the parties were not truly joined by God and hence a full spiritual sacramental marriage as understood by the Church was not present.

Then the parties are free to marry for the first time.

Grounds for nullity include:
+ Either one or both of the spouses were not baptized persons during the time of marriage
+ An unauthorized marriage by a Catholic before someone other than a designated priest or deacon
+ A marriage where one of the spouses had an impediment such as a previous marriage and civil divorce
+ A marriage where there was a deficiency in consent or the ability of one or both the spouses

Nullity is not widely known by Catholics so your friend may not know all of her options.

With love in Christ.

Answer 2

That situation is not a Catholic thing exclusively. Both Church and State have their procedures for marriage. The state has put in place the reasons and procedures for a divorce. The Catholic Church has no power to allow or grant divorcesv, they grant an annulment only if it meets the conditions and the only thing it does is to allow the victim to marry again according to the Rites of the Church. One thing to understand is that Church and State are separate entities.

Bad marriages happen in every society. Women nowadays refuse to remain caught in a situation like this because there are choices, like divorce, which is a legal way to end a marriage.

The Catholic church refuses to recognize divorces because they believe that the religious marriage has more clout than the legal one, unfortunately we do not live in the Kingdom of Heaven, we live in a world of human beings and get along with rules created by human beings.

The Catholic church cannot stop a legal divorce which is handled by the judicial branch of government, by the state. The Church will certainly not annull a religous marriage unless there is a powerful reason, such as if any of the partners refuses to have sex (for procreation purposes only, obviously). If the woman remains virgin during the marriage, or if the man is gay and refuses to procreate children with his wife, or a number of other reasons.

Any other reason will not bring on an annulment because you pledged yourself to each other in a public ceremony and before God. The parties can marry again, legally but will not be allowed a Church wedding. Supposedly divorced members must abstain from participating in highly significant ceremonies of the catholic mass, like partaking of the holy host, but few people respect that. The Catholic Church has guidelines that many of their members find restrictive, and out of synch with the times, achieving a balance between both is not an easy task for many.

Getting an anulment is not easy, it takes time, it needs to be documented, and this is discussed in a committee of experts in Canonical law. This is not a run-of-the-mill procedure, it is a strictly regulated process and the end result more often than not is the refusal of the anulment.

Answer 3

Well, one point is that the annulment processes is long and sometimes hard. If I recall, you have to have proof of something worthy of annulment. If their marriage was never consummated, that is grounds of an annulment.

Also, there is a chance she views this marriage as her cross to bear.

Answer 4

How terrible... that's no way to live.

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