my fiance and i decided to get married in mexico and because my parents are planning to be there they are paying for a weeks stay at the same resort. The question is this. They dont feel they shoud put any money towards my wedding because I planned a "destination" wedding and not a "stay-at-home" traditional wedding. I am not asking them for any money EXCEPT for the reception. I am mad they feel they dont have to help because of the vacation expense, but the reception is only about 4 thousand dollars. Do i have any reason to be as upset as i am or should my parents still pitch in for my wedding? i am 34 and already have a baby and a house with my fiance but i am STILL their first born daughter? am i being a brat?
2006-09-21 04:08:53 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
yeah, you're being a brat. I dont know about other people, buy my parents didnt have money to fork over for a wedding for me. So my husband and I paid for it ourselves.
Dont be mad at them.. if you have a destination wedding, it will cost TONS more for a reception if you invite all kinds of people (ahem, 4k worth of people) If you want to make it a destination wedding, pay for it yourself. Lessen the burden of your parents. You are old enough to pay your own way through life, especially if you do it the non-traditional way.
2006-09-21 04:13:21 · answer #1 · answered by psychstudent 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most rules of ettiquette are based on basic logical tenants. The logic behind who pays for wedding costs is based on the basic assumption that a married couple is just starting their life together and has not lived independently previous to the marriage, therefore, they would not have the resources to pay for the event. More and more frequently in today's society, this is not the case. So, using this line of logic, your parents really have no responsibility to help with the costs, since you have already established a life independent of them.
With that being said, there is something rude about parents withholding the money simply because it is a "destination wedding." If they would have put money toward expenses either way, then I feel that they should put the same amount toward the destination wedding that they would have planned to put toward a more traditional wedding.
As for being upset - It's a special day, don't waste time being upset at family. This should be a joyous occassion!
2006-09-21 05:31:12 · answer #2 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't say you're being a brat because I feel I would be upset to. But step away from your situation for a minute and try and look at the situation objectively.
While it's traditional for your parents to fork up some bucks for your wedding, we don't always get what we want. Is it possible that they can't afford to put out $4,000 in addition to their air fare and hotel stay? You should be mindful of their financial situation as well as your desire to have this wedding.
When my mother married my grandparents gave her only $1,000 for her wedding as she was older and already had a home with the man. They felt she was well established enough to pay for her own wedding. My mother plans to only give me $5,000 for my wedding for the same reason I'm an adult with a child and a home with my boyfriend (and my parents make VERY good money and could afford a $50,000 wedding if they wanted to).
Feel free to tell your parents that you are disappointed with their decision, but it's more important to have them there than anything else, and maybe try to find a way to compromise with them but cutting some of the cost for the wedding so they can help.
2006-09-21 05:07:31 · answer #3 · answered by Heather S 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, that's a dilemma isn't it?Is the world still revolving around the sun? How many people did you invite to the wedding? Are they all going to show up? Seeing that you were so thoughtful in planning a wedding out of your hometown, I think you should pay for it. They raised you, took care of you, love you, give them a break! You are not a kid anymore, you left home a long time ago. Don't spoil what you have with your parents, they spent a lot more on you since you were born, have a heart and yes, stop being a spoiled brat!
2006-09-21 04:30:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to say. I've had to travel to many weddings, because our family also lives all over the place. I always paid the hotel bill myself. I always thought that was just a part of accepting an invitation to an out-of-town wedding. On the other hand, we're having a destination wedding, THIS SAtURDAY (WOW), in St Thomas, and we're paying the airfare and hotel rooms for our immediate families (12 people). I think this is something you have to plan based on your individual family, really. If you know someone may not attend just because of the cost, I'd offer to pay the bill. We are also very aware that our guests are going to great lengths to attend, and we're giving them a little extra becaus of that. We'll be hosting a welcome dinner on Friday night for everyone that will kind of kick off the whole weekend, then, of course, providing lunch with full open bar after the wedding itself.
2016-03-27 00:50:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are a brat. Being 34 and already having a baby and a house shows that you are well beyond being dependent on your parents.
They have a point there too that you chose a destination wedding when you could have chosen a cheaper stay-at-home one. If it is "just" 4 thousand dollars, then just pay for it yourself. Don't burden them with it , after all they are paying for their own room for a week. Parents are usually retirees and they do not have an income. Do be more understanding and less sponging and demanding where money is concerned. They have brought you up to adulthood,......... be thankful and grateful for that. Be a better example for your child for when he/she grows up too.
2006-09-22 20:45:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you were my daughter I would not feel obligated to pay for a wedding or reception due to your age and life choices. However, if I was in a financial position to comfortably contribute I would do so because no matter how old my daughter is I will always want to help achieve her dreams.
I would not offer to pay for the entire reception but perhaps give you $2,000 (or whatever I could afford) towards it. Beyond that I think it's your responsibility. I would consider it a gift, not my responsibility.
I don't think you should be mad at your parents for whatever amount they do or do not contribute. You should gracefully accept the decision and proceed with your wedding plans. Be glad you still have parents that will be with you on your wedding day. My daughter won't be so lucky.
2006-09-21 05:16:51 · answer #7 · answered by sunnyca 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are just being immature, so calm down. You are all grown up - by your age anyways, and you should realize that in your circumstances your fiance and you should be paying for everything for your wedding - after all, you've been living with the dude, have a baby, and a house - so what's the problem? You've been playing as though you are all mature and all that, so be mature and handle the responsibility of paying for everything at your wedding. Do not be upset at your parents because of this. You made your own bed by your choices in your life and where you chose to have your wedding.
2006-09-22 03:33:19 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are expecting a little much from your parents. I mean, they're paying to stay in Mexico with you. Some parents wouldn't even do that. This destination wedding is your idea, so honestly, you should pay for it.
Why don't you compromise and have a reception at home and just a small reception in Mexico? Your parents may be willing to pay for that. My cousin did that and had a Hawaiian themed reception that was casual and fun.
2006-09-21 04:24:08 · answer #9 · answered by Melissa L 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hmm. Definitely they are not OBLIGATED to contribute anything at all, especially since you are a full-fledged financially independent adult. If they wish to attend, they are obligated to pay for their own travel and hotel costs.
But I see what you're saying, it does seem unfair that they would be willing to contribute to a local wedding but not a destination wedding. It's like they are withholding the money just because they don't care for the style you chose.
Ask them just to contribute whatever they might have contributed to your wedding if it had been local. It is reasonable that if you chose to have it further away (and therefore more expensive), you and your fiance should be responsible for making up the difference.
My best friend did something similar with her parents - they gave her a flat amount of money and told her she could use it to have a small fancy wedding or a large simple wedding.
2006-09-21 06:32:04 · answer #10 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋