Strange Story--Custody?

Question

I have been caring for my cousin for the past year and a half. It's a long and very confusing story. I've had to potty train him, feed him, get him to school, teach him manners, and pretty much be his parent. I live several states away and would like to know can I get full custody of him? His mother hasn't visited since he came here, nor anyone else. I'm nineteen and he is five. While this is a not a big age difference, will this count against me in court? I don't want to fight to adopt, if it risks loosing him. I already have a clean, loving, and supportive home but what other legal ramifications are there?

This may help--she's addicted to cocaine, doesn't have a phone, and her own parents don't really know where she is. I don't even know how to contact her. She gave me a power of attorney when he came to live with my husband and me.

Answer 1

I say don't stir the pot.. If things are okay right now.. then leave them that way.. he is safe and with you.. filing for custody will only get social services involved.. which you really don't want. If things are fine the way they are right now.. then leave them that way. Cross the bridges you have to cross...a s you get to them.. If she cleaned up her act and proved herself a fit mother, would you let her have him back? There are a lot of things to consider. Filing for custody may upset her.. and may provoke her to take him from you.. which she can technically still do.. Just wait and see what happens... It most states not making any effort to contact your child for a certain period of time (usually a year) is considered abandonment and will lessen her chances of getting him... And if anything else... talk to a lawyer.. they deal with these kinds of issues frequently and can lead you in the right direction..
Good luck.

Answer 2

I would talk to children services . Don't give your name or anything just call and ask them some questions . They would probably know the best way to go about getting custody . And if the mother has not seen him in a year and a half that is abandonment you could probably adopt him . My cousin lives in NC she gave her daughter to her cousin and signed a few paper and that was it the child was legally the cousins child . There was no waiting a long period of time . She just gave the baby to them ( they could not have children ) . But there may be a way to get custody without even getting the mother involved ( seeings how she can not be reached and is on drugs and has not had any contact in 1 1/2 years ) My biggest concern would be if she did come back and wanted him I would not want to give him to her what if she was still on drugs . Without any court papers you would have to give him to her then sit and worry if he was all right . Any way I would find a way to have legal rights or something saying you had all rights to not give him back unless she has had some kind of rehab . Sorry just some ideas don't know if it will help. But GOOD LUCK !!!!

Answer 3

I am currently adopting my step-children. This is what I have found out: If the parent goes more than one year with no contact, that is abandonment, and the guardian can start adoption proceedings. Same for child support. They will make you try every means to contact her, and that can be a long process. She can come and try to fight it, but here it is pretty much hopeless, if the conditions are met, the child is adopted.

For me, it is not about "keeping her away", if she goes through drug rehab, etc., we will let her see the kids, but we want to KNOW that if something happens to my husband our kids will be safe. (after the adoption is final YOU will have all the say, you can let her visit, or not)

There are also "open adoptions" or closed. In Open adoptions, she has the right to visit(very limited), and you have to send up-dates and pictures. That may be an option for you.

You have to talk to an attorney. Laws are different in other states, so you have to know! I know from your other post that you are a military wife. You maybe able to get help through them, but you also need to be sure you will be in the same place long enough for the whole thing to go through. (at least 6 months) It is also not as expensive as you may think, we are paying about $800. Good luck, I know what it is like to have a child that you love, and not be sure what tomorrow will bring!

Answer 4

I would speak to an attorney. We are going through adoption plans of our own. We have been told that if a parent doesn't pay child support for at least 6 months and/or has not seen the child in 2 years that their parental rights can be taken away. This is in Louisiana.
I don't know the law in different states, but I think that you would have a shot at it. That is why I say check with an attorney. I would have a journal as to what you have done in regards to taking care of your cousin to show your efforts. Before you go in with "an unfit mother" type of suit, show more of the positive things that you have done for the little boy.
Don't forget about the father either, as he could try to gain custody if the mother loses her rights.


Good Luck, and keep me posted.

Answer 5

I would get a good custody lawyer, and talk to the mother outright. See if she will actually sign off all her parenting rights directly to you.

We've delt with this before, only with teenagers.

Most of the time if you can prove you have cared completely for the child for that entire year they you already are considered to have costody in the eyes of the state.

But like I said, now is a good time to make friends with a lawyer, and ask about what to do. Explain your fears and hopes. He'll be able to best direct you.

Answer 6

You should consult with a lawyer, you may have to wait longer to file for custody due to abandonment. Don't do anything without a lawyer, so that it can't hurt you down the road... don't even announce your intention until you have consulted a lawyer... You may have to settle with power of attorney for now... most lawyers give free consultations, and they are honest about if they can help you or not... It will cost a lot of money either way though. Keep documentation of what you spend, things you do for him, any attempts to find her, resources you have, how you have tried and so on... You may have to prove her unfit... it is doubtful she will fight you though, but still possible.

Answer 7

Well, I know that in MA (it could vary from state to state) you need to be 20 years older than the child to foster or adopt from the foster care system. Actually, much of what I'm saying could vary fron state to state. MA does place a priority on kinship and may, when appropriate, overlook that lack of age difference. One thing you could try to do is get your aunt to sign her parental rights specifically to you. This will need some legal council but you would have a better chance than doing nothing. As it is right now, she could legally show up at your door and take her son without notice and without having to prove tht she is fit to be his mother.

Answer 8

My father has emergency custody of my neice...and although my sister lives in CA and him in CT...he has some custody rights...I'd go to probate court and see what has to be done. I think the fact that YOU'VE provided a safe, loving and secure environment...it should be a POINT in your favor..they'd rather have the child with a relative than have to fork over money for foster care...but talk to some one at family court and find out what you need to do to get what you need! GOOD LUCK!

Answer 9

If she doesn't want her child, why can't you just get the mother to sign away custody to you. If she's unfit, then seek the advice of an attorney. If she is "working" on herself through some type of rehab, or if she is just temporarily unable to care for her child, then she SHOULD, and deserves to have her child back. No court will take a child away from their mother without a SERIOUSLY legitimate GOOD reason. While I commend you for caring enough to take in this child as your own, you need to think long and hard if this is what's best for the child, or what's best for you... if this decission is soley for the child, then my advise is to contact an attorney.

Answer 10

I have temporary guardianship for my grandchildren, given by my daughter, not the court. I have had them for about two and a half years now. I do not see any reason to actually take full custody. You can get all the help you need without it, financial and medical.
I prefer to leave that door open, hoping that she will again, become the good parent she was once. Unfortunately these things happen in families , it is good that he has you to help him right now.