My depressed friend. Help!?

Question

I have a really really good friend that has become seriously depressed in the past year. At first I really tried to be supportive and there for him. I suggessted counseling over and over again and he never went. He sends me depressing texts all the time about wanting to move home and having bad days and having no control over his emotions. I love the guy to death but it is seriously bringing me down! I've tried the harsh approach, quit feeling sorry for yourself bit and nothing seems to help. It depresses me for days when he sends me this sad stuff. When I actually talk to him in person he never talks about it. I'm to the point of saying get help or lose my number. I CAN NOT deal with this anylonger. What can I do??

I should metion this has been going on for a full year. The talk to him and be understanding bit has been done over and over again. When I see his number on my phone I start to cringe now.

Answer 1

I think it is important to remember and communicate the following things to him:

1) as you have suggested, he needs to seek professional help. You recognize that he needs the help and you are not a trained professional. By coming to you for help, it is like going to a lifeguard for problems with his car ..

2) More than likely over the last year, you have covered the same ground with him over and over and over again. I am sure you feel that you have made progress on some days - only to find out that you are back to square one with him. It is important to let him know that you two are not making progress on resolving his depression - and again, he needs to recognize the need to get professional help.

3) If you allow him too- he will bring you down into massive depression. Some people in this world give to others (as you are doing with your friend), while others take.. He can literally suck the life out of you - if you stay on this course. For your own mental health and well being - you should seriously try to convince him that he needs help.. There are all kinds of programs which provide counselling for people with depression.. Perhaps arranging the appointment and going with him the first time- might be the road to him making a recovery.

4) Lastly, you have mentioned taking the harsh approach. Simply put, you can lead a horse to water, but you certainly can't make them drink.. If all else fails, you need to walk away from it- otherwise, it could have serious consequences for your mental well being as well.

I suggest these things as I know EXACTLY what you are going through- as they say- been there, done that. I pray for your strength in dealing with this.. Remember, NONE of this is your fault or your responsibility. We all have our limits- he is putting you in a position outside your limits.. and that simply isn't fair.

Answer 2

Depression is not a psychological feeling; it is a mental disease that can be cured with the appropriate medication. This is very important, because many people with depression end up with suicidal feelings. Depression that is going on for 1 year is quite serious.

First I would tell him to see a psychiatrist and to explain his symptoms in detail. The psychiatrist will make a diagnosis and prescribe a suitable form of medication. It is important to define whether he is suffering from depressive disorder or bipolar disorder.

Next, I would talk to him and try to figure out what exactly is the cause of his depression. Maybe he needs some change in his life or maybe he has a lack of friends. Moving from one environment to another can be very beneficial. Try to take him out with your friends.

I also advice him to see a psychologist once a week. There he will discuss his improvements and his current feelings.

I understand it must be difficult for you. If this all fails, there is not much you can do.

Answer 3

Your friend might actually need medical attention. Depression is not usually something that comes out of nowhere, there has to be a reason for it. Tell him that he might not need a shrink, but he should definately visit his doctor and talk to him. Try to figure out what caused this.
A death, loss of job, is he attracted to someone who doesn't reciprocate, is it you? Is he gay and doesn't know hhow to come out. Is he in financial trouble? So many reasons it could be, if he won't help himself thought, don't let him drag you down. All else fells email him the question you posted maybe he has an answer. If not at least he knows you care, and also that you have had enough.

Answer 4

Sounds like you have done everything that I would have recommended you to do. At this point maybe the only thing you can do is just be there for her and try to convince her that even though things are tough right now, they will not always be. It may feel like things are never going to get better as she is going through this, but they will. Many people have gone through tough times and even tragedy, and they have come out of it to go on to live fulfilled lives. Life is not easy sometimes, but it does go on. She must allow herself time to cry or grieve, but she must not stay in that state of mind forever. Suicide is not the answer. As I have said before, suicide is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. She needs to realize that she does have much to live for, namely having a good friend like you who cares. Life is full of high points and low points, and if she kills herself during a low point, she will not be around to enjoy the high point that is coming. Just be there for her and help her through this as best you can, but don't feel like you have to have all of the answers because you can't.

Answer 5

does he know how you feel about his behaviors? I know it's really hard to deal with this as a friend or as a girlfriend.I believe that you tried to do your best but it didn't help.maybe it's because the way you do things aren't the best way for him.what made him feel depressive you said it's been a year...what caused this?did something bad happen his life,did he do something really bad or did he faced some facts that he didn't want to face...if you can find the reason why than you can find a way to cure it...it's OK the things you've done so far...but it seems not enough or not the best way.first try helping him to find out what caused his depression he may reject this because it may be hard and may give pain to him but be encouraging if he can find out why than it will be easier to find a way to get over it.if this does not help than try to explain what you feel without breaking his heart...sometimes when people see that their depression hurts others they may stop being sorry for themselves and start to understand that they really need help...it's a big problem I believe that you have to deal with ...good luck...

Answer 6

Your friend needs urgent medical help now. he should see a doctor & go for counselling urgently. You should try talking to him & tell him that you cant help him if he wont help himself.You seem like a really good friend,so offer to go to the doctor with him. If he wont listen to you tell him that he is making you feel depressed & that you cant handle this situation anymore. Dont feel bad about this as many people would have given up on your friend long ago. good luck to you both.

Answer 7

I recently was dealing with a friend that was acting the exact same way. I tried everything I could, (I also live with depression) and nothing was working. I finally left the person alone entirely, cuz it was also bringing me down.

This person finally tried to kill themselves and didnt succeed, so now they are finally getting the help they needed. This friend is doing well now.

I think its out of your hands. They have to figure it out on their own. Dont play his game, he'll only take you down with him.

Ive lived with depression for 30 yrs, and its controlled now, so I know what they are going thru, and you have to just leave them alone. You cant fix it for him.

I wish your friend well, and hope he gets help soon.

Answer 8

You are not his keeper you are his enabler.You need to seek help for yourself. I am not being mean to you, I mean this with regards to him bringing you down too. He feels safe when he is depressed , it is his comfort zone, you do not. You can't pull him up but he can pull you down. If he won't get help, you pass on the info to his parents, then you take care of you. You are not being his friend by letting him go on like this, tough love is best sometimes.You have the power to help yourself, tell his parents that you care about him but this is beyond your abilities to fix. If they get angry with you or your friend does it is okay, the worse thing that can happen is they do nothing.Good luck

Answer 9

The question is what is making him depressed, is it a lost love, a job loss, his roomates, maybe he misses his family,...
whatever it is, that is the root of the problem and the depressing feelings. Only then can you start with solutions after identifying the problem.

Answer 10

well first off start by talking to his parents tell them whats going on. and maybe they can help.. try to keep ur friend occupied by doing fun things and just talk to him and make him a deal if he goes to a conceler u will do something.. maybe try some medication. maybe he has A.D.D??
tell me how things go.