So my ex still comes over telling me that i hurt him making me feel guilty because i moved on. I had lost my kid through due stress because he left me anf fu*k*d another girl while i was at the hospital and then he told me that its not a big deal. I want to walk away. It hurts alot and i dont want to feel trapped. People dont understand its not so easy, its like being in a physical abusive relationship. I feel trapped but dont know how to fight it.
2006-09-21 02:52:46 · 15 answers · asked by lisa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The guilty party in a failed relationship would normally also want for people to feel sympathy for him/her. But you yourself know best what that relationship has made of you. If you were never any better as a person with him, ignore him and move on. The way he has ended it, he doesn't deserve a second chance.
You have a life to live. You are still young, you can find that guy who can love you as much.
You seem to be a very strong woman and I admire you for it. You will definitely be happier without him. I hope more women will also use their mind over their hearts.
2006-09-21 02:57:27 · answer #1 · answered by kamahalan_12 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are going through alot of stresses at this point in your life. losing a child is very hard in its self to cope with. and him saying it is no big deal , makes him one uncaring creep.. but he was with another woman so that proves that he don't care about you...
why are you still letting him in .. you don't need the guy.. boot him tell him he wanted the other girl so bad to keep her.. You are probably confused right now about losing the child and caring for him.. keep on walking girl you don't want him keeping you down and depressed any longer ..it will take time but day by day it will come easier.
and yes it hurts. but you don't want a relationship with someone that will hurt you by cheating on you. you will never be able to trust him again..
Stay away from the guy. and everything will eventually get easier..
you must try to pick up the pieces to your life now and move on.. go out with your friends and start out slowly..
stop all contact with him.
as for feeling trapped. it is you that is trapping you tell himi it is over. and to stay away..
good luck
2006-09-21 10:04:54 · answer #2 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello Lisa !
I'm sorry about your miscarriage. I'm also sorry that you have such a f***ed up ex !
Let me get this straight; you had a miscarriage due to stress, because HE LEFT YOU and F***ED ANOTHER GIRL ?!?
Then HE TELLS YOU: IT"S NOT A BIG DEAL ?!?
*Sorry, I was screaming, ahem. *
Leave him alone; stop letting him back into your life, from what you've written; he's the type of guy who will kick you ( repeatedly ) when you're at your lowest.
Tell him you know longer want to see him; it doesn't have to be a long conversation, tell him over the phone, and make it brief.
If he still calls, and comes around, he's stalking you; contact the police, AND get a restraining order.
He should have been there apologizing, consoling, and comforting you,, but instead shrugs his shoulders, and goes on about his business !
I do understand. It is an abusive relationship; it's called emotional abuse.
He will not change; you do know that you deserve better, don't you ?
This is the exciting part; here are the weapons to fight this punk!
Your support group; your friends, sisters, and mom, or aunties !
You need these people to get all the bad feelings off your chest, and out of your heart; talking to friends and family will help a great deal. They will also talk you out of getting back together with him, and make you come to your senses if, and when you're feeling especially weak.
He is the enemy !
And try your best to keep busy ! Distract yourself, if one of your friends wants to treat you to a movie, go ! Stay out of the house, and while you're at it, have your telephone number changed too.
He's a self centered creep who needs a woman to walk on, in order to make himself feel good. I don't like him, and I'm quite sure your family, and friends HATE him, and know that you deserve better.
It's time for him to get another doormat, and to leave you the hell alone.
Stop letting him back into your life; that's the first step, you'll only hate yourself more and more, because he's taking advantage, and disrespecting you, and you know it.
Don't bother with trying to get an apology from him, it wouldn't be sincere anyway; he'll just say whatever needs to be said in order to get back into your life.
At this moment in time, you need a stress- free life; you need to heal, and he's not allowing you to do that in peace.
He doesn't want the best for you; only for himself.
* UGH, loser. *
Your friends, and family will help you stay strong during these troubling times; rely on them, and if you have a relationship with God, ask him for strength, and wisdom to make wise decisions.
Love, light, and peace,
tishy
2006-09-21 10:34:31 · answer #3 · answered by bubletish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right, this is emotional and mental abuse, not physical. However no one can MAKE you feel a certain way. People can influence how you feel, but you are in control of your emotions and actions. He wants what he can't have. It's his loss. Yes you may still care for him, but listen to your head, your heart will thank you later. Tell him not to come around anymore. If he shows up unannounced, this is harassment and if he comes over often it could also be considered stalking. You don't need this.
You are an adult and have the right to live in your life where you are comfortable and happy. Figure out what you need in order to be comfortable and happy and make steps on how to reach those goals. You are smart individual to figure this situation out on your own. I don't think you are looking for advice, I feel you may actually be looking for confirmation on your feelings and validation for your actions. You are on the right track and keep it up! You are not doing anything wrong by asking him to leave you alone. He screwed up, not you. You deserve better and to be treated with respect!
2006-09-21 10:08:45 · answer #4 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not good for you and you know this. Try to keep conversations to a minumum since you have to get on with your life. Next time he just pops in ask him kindly to just give you a call before he comes since you have to run out now and _______ (do the groceries, go check on your mother, go to a job interview, see the doctor...). Then put on your shoes, grab your purse and head out. He still has a dependence on you that he hasn't detached from. Go about your everyday life and make sure your down time is occupied for now. Try to spend as much time as you can in the company of friends, their place or yours. They are great support, and he will be inturrupting when he just shows up.
2006-09-21 11:26:46 · answer #5 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey you are the driver of your life and you are in total controll of it ,so stop him from coming over if he has done this to you move on ,stop communication totally ,and start dating and find someone who really cares ,he is a waste of your time ,remember you are in total controll of what happens in your life ,never let a man controll your feelings ,a saying I have learned due to being hurt so much is NEVER LOVE SO MUCH YOU CANT LEAVE !!!! good luck to you
2006-09-21 09:59:18 · answer #6 · answered by Holly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie face reality you were hooked up with a loser,so lose him Now! you have nothing to feel quilty about,just walk away,don,t allow him to come over ,you don,t NEED the pressure....Any relationship hurts when its over but it don,t hurt for long........distance yourself ffom this loser...JUST SAY NO! Why would you need him? sounds like he needs you!
2006-09-21 10:03:14 · answer #7 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be strong. It will hurt but at the end you will be on top. Don't let him in your life anymore. He doesn't care for you. He is selfish.
2006-09-21 09:55:42 · answer #8 · answered by Homeboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just remember sweetie that he is doing it on purpose to make u feel bad,so try find fun acctivities to take ur mind off, eat lots of chocs and pray! always helps to which eva god u pray 2!
2006-09-21 09:56:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u don't owe him anything, just move on. period. if u still keep thinking u are guilty towards him, u are destroying your own happiness.
2006-09-21 10:01:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋