Resntment of my parents??????????????

Question

I am 18 and with little or no social life or even contact. My parents never let me do anything in high school like going to the mall exc. or movies with friends. I am not kidding i only ever saw my friends at school and a bf was out of the question. I made a few attempts but at 17 they were still asking to meet my friends parents and giving my friends the 5th degree so most did not even want to visit me. My dads motto was school is not for socializing. Senior year i barley was allowed to go to homecoming but i did meet a bf there and well messed things up badly with a pregnancy scare drama which led to complete isolation. I was never a bad kid and always kept good grades and never snuck out or did anything. I am now in my first year of college doing well so far but feel out of place socially. I only really have three friends two are still in highschool and i feel lost and angry with my parents.

I was invited to a gay club and my mom panikicked and turned blue and i was grounded for even asking. I am a community college student there as a transfer student. So i have to wait till next year to dorm. Make matters worse i am also very shy!

I now my parents care about me but i feel like i am suffocating i still go to bed at 9:00 at night and never allowed to go out without there permission not even my 13 yrs old cousin is treated this way.

I feel socially cripled but they pay for my college tuition.

All the guys i attract are possesive and controling like my ex. bf.

Answer 1

You can't blame this problem on your parents forever. Soon you'll have to admit you were part of the reason. I highly doubt they wouldn't let you do these things if you really were a great student. As for college--meet new people, join a club, go to parties, and have fun. If you keep the blame on them--you won't ever learn to make friends. Going around resenting you parents is not going to make anything better! It's all about you now, so grow up, live, love, and learn. In four years or less you'll realize it's not worth holding grudges!

I just read your updates--get a job. It's a great way to make friends, money, and to get out of the house. You can still join a club even if you aren't in a state or big college. As for your parents not letting you do things, again, don't blame them. You are capable now, at eighteen, to move out. While you are there you play by their rules. So if you hate it "ever so much"--move.

Am I supposed to say--"Oh you poor child, you are eighteen and old enough to make your own decisions, but it's so sad you are so oppressed by your parents, that aren‘t letting you move out!"

I’ve been in this situation before and I moved--and I’m all the better for it now!

My god--there are starving children in Africa, there are kids who are victims of child abuse daily, there are people in other countries getting shot, and there are people too poor to even afford a computer--this should be the least of your worries!

Answer 2

Wow, sound very much like my own personal story. I never went out, never went to my Jr or Sr. prom and I got good grades. When I went to college, I turned myself around to be the person I wanted to be in high school. Result- I never made it past my sophomore year and I am still 6 credits from my AA degree. At 36, I can say that there has to be a fair balance between responsibility and social life. After all, if you are going to be a doctor with no people skills, you won't succeed well. Many parents main desire is that you end up better than they did. Pregnancy scare may have scared them (perhaps relived a memory of theirs and how their life turned out) but it is all PAST. Look forward, be the smart social woman (cause you are not a little girl anymore) and make attempts to speak up. You HAVE to find YOUR voice and that is something you need to develop on your own. No one can teach you that.

Answer 3

you are going thru the gawky teenage years. Hormones are kicking in. Tempers flares. All teenagers hate their parents, cos they are just so strict and you cannot talk to them.

Guess what, times may have changed in society in all aspects, but the protection of a child from a parent has not, okay.

Your mum and dad want what is best for you, to be happy, to have nice friends, to have a good education and to be able to then see you leave the nest, knowing they have given you good grounding, respect, morals and ethics.They do not want to see you being sexually active or having a long term relationship at school. They want to see you thrive, become independant, get a great job, travel, and when that is out of the way, meet a man, have children and live happily ever after. That is all parents want for their kids and I am sorry, but I do not agree that your mum or dad are hard on you. It is called tuff love.

No your are not a bad kid, no such thing as a bad kid, just bad choices.

Good luck with your education and career, sweetheart.

Answer 4

First of all, I think ALL of us have some form of resentment toward our parents, no matter how much we love them. Being a parent is so very hard, it's absolutely impossible to be perfect at it.

I know that the things that they have done have hurt you, but I can guarantee you, for every thing they've done to you, you've probably done five to them without even knowing it.

They really are trying to do what they think is best for you.

There is a fine line between being a responsible parent and being overprotective and, in some ways, I think that they did go a bit overboard. "School is not for socializing" while a noble statement, is not exactly realistic. What that translates to in daddy language is that your grades are going to be what gets you into college and help you for the future, not your friends. He just doesn't want to see you get so wrapped up in socializing and boyfriends that your education takes a back seat.

Unfortunately, what he has done is create a desire in you to rebel - which is why you had the pregnancy scare issue. As soon as you had your first taste of freedom, you did something really irresponsible. And unfortunately, those types of things are what makes your parents stick their rules even harder to the grindstone.

It's kind of a big catch 22 in a way.

Things are a bit different now. You are in college. The key word for you here is balance.

I hope this doesnt get too long but I just want to try to offer you some perspective...

I totally applaud you for respecting that your parents are paying for your college education. College is an opportunity that not everyone gets and should not be taken lightly. I went back to college recently at 31 years old and paid for it myself and it was a struggle to pay for it. I got in there with all of these kids who were skipping classes, half doing their homework, making fun of the professors and it just made me feel annoyed. Thousands and thousands of dollars go into it, years of saving.
I do feel like kids should be grateful by doing the very best they can in college. Not only because of the opportunity their parents are giving them but for themselves. The job market is tough today and having a college degree means much more than it did even 10 years ago. Not only that but you learn things that will open your mind to so many new areas of thought. It's a wonderful time in a person's life.

However, you can't just bog yourself down 24 hours a day with studies. You DO have to have a balance. You have to be able to go to dinner or movies with your friends etc.

There's a great book that I read recently called "feel the fear and do it anyway". That's kind of what you have to do with your shyness. 100% of people are not going to like you 100% of the time but if you never try 0% will like you. When you're in class, try to strike up a conversation with someone, maybe even another shy person. Even if they only become a classroom acqaintance, it may make you feel much less lonely when you're at school.

When you are in the dorm next year, things will change. You will have a bit more freedom than you do at the moment. I dont advise you to go overboard and turn into a party girl. You still have to take your college education very seriously, but you can get away with going out with some friends without having to call and ask for permission.

It soudns like you're a good girl. Just follow your heart. You know right from wrong. If something feels wrong, trust your gut and don't do it. Prove to your parents that you can get good grades, then next year, start doing some of the social activities you want to do and still maintain your good grades. It will go a long way in proving that you are a responsible adult who can manage having both a social and scholastic life and it will make them proud.

In the mean time, try not to let that resentment fester.
They really do love you and I know you love them or you wouldn't even be worrying about what they think. You're going to be just fine.

Answer 5

Do not let you parents control your life any longer, you are a grown woman. If need be get a job and move. There is a point when parents over controlling ways become abuse just as with a spouse. Not having normal social skills or street smarts I believe is how many young women end up in abusive controlling relationships. Assert your independence put your foot down, even if it means taking time from school to work get reestablished on your own then go back. Time to take charge of your own life and grow up.

Answer 6

I was where you are when I was growing up. I graduated high school without ever having a date. There was no prom, no homecoming no anything. I graduated and three days later joined the Army. I made friends and started making up for lost time.
Join a sorority, make friends, go to functions where both guys and gals are. If you work on your confidence soon you'll be dating. Do get yourself on reliable birth control.

Answer 7

Hey, your not alone. I'm a senior in high school now, looking at colleges. I haven't decided my major, and I've got restrictions! My parents have told me i have to commute to school. My sisters, who i have been taught to respect, tell me its my responsibility as middle child to stay home. I supposedly have to look after my younger brother! It just not fair. I cant even get a gf without my family messing everthing up. It sucks! I dont even have a cell phone now, cause my gf was calling on it. She left some personal text mes. on it, and my sister found out! Yup, there goes that relationship. My sister held a family meeting, supposedly i was too "loose". I have been told to stop buying designer clothes, and keep my hair short! I cant even put gel on! Anyway, now I'm sure i can get into my dream college, but i doubt my family would allow me. Its too far to commute, even though i desire to dorm.
HELP ME! I need a legitimate argument.

Answer 8

Try to join a sorority...when i went through rush i met alot of new friends...when i was in high school i didnt have any friends...your 18 now... your considered a adult, if your parents dont like that you have friends then too bad...try talking to them about it that they are making you very anti social and it will harm you socially later in life

Answer 9

The same thing happened to me so i just left home and never came back and now i regret my decision every day i see now that they only try to let you know that they love you but in a different knid of way so once youre grown enough and can make it o your own do soo but try to bear with them and tyr to takl to them too.

Answer 10

I completly understand how you feel.. heres my story.
My dad pulled me out of public school when I was 14 years old I was in the 7th grade. He feared that education would turn me against him and he was very controlling. I gave my parents no reason to distrust me. I had a few problems in school as my father was abusive and I had bruises and marks to explain away to teachers as school. So in an effort to coneal the abuse my father isolated me. Away from school, any friends and even family. No Christmas, Thanksgiving no anything, as the isolation of that nature began when I was nine years old.

When I became an adult I attracted men just like that in fact I agree to marry a man that my father had chosen for me to date and marry. My 2nd husband was of my own choosing however he agreed completly with my fathers tactis as keeping a woman in line and her her place. I was fortunate to remarry a man who is nothing like my father nor like my two prevous husbands.

I had always felt that my parents disabled me for life. I was unprepared to handle the outside world, and unlike you the mere mention of going to college was OUT OF THE QUESTION!!!

My suggestion to you is to get a job, and save up your money. Start a bank account and keep your money in there so you can have a deposit on an apartment, as well as having your own money for rent, bills, and the things you need and groceries. YOu need to start out in a place that doesnt charge much rent and deposit, you wont be able to afford very much starting out.
Tell your parents that you want them to give you a chance to prove to them that you can be a responsible adult. Ask them for two years. Tell them that you will find a place close to town and close to them. You will even give your parents a key to your apartment so they can check in on you from time to time.

What are you majoring in? Is your major approved and chosen by your father, since you parents are paying for your college? Or is your major of your own choosing?
Its easy to resent when you have parents like mine and yours.
My father more so than my mother as she was only agreeing with my father to stay on his good side.
I would think that you feel as if you are younger than everyone else you go to college with. You feel younger than them in age and in experience. At some point you are going to have to get on your own, sometimes you have to stop speaking to mom and dad for a while, your actions will show them that you are a mature responsible adult. IF you dont want to move out, let them know that you are an adult and as long as you are not bringin anything into their home that is against their rules you have the right to certain things.
My suggestion to you is to move out. I know it may be hard, but with a father like that you are likely to never leave home, and any education you get at HIS expense will likely not be what you want or can even use. Your father is very controlling and as long as he controls you you have no problems with him. IF you do for yourself and on your own you are no longer in his control and he cant stand that.