I have 2 boys ages 10 and 11. For now at least their mother has custody, and my job has crazy hours so i can only get them once or twice a month so i have very little influence on them. Although i'm thankful their not into rap, their getting into heavy metal which is just as bad. Not so much the music but the lifestyle and the crowd it attracts is what worries me.How can I make sure they don't use drugs?
2006-09-21 02:49:32 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Amendment! They live 80 miles away ok? I'm only gonna get 2 weekends a month anyway and I know its not the music, geez! iTs the crowd at school u know your labeled at school jock,nerd,dopers etc
2006-09-21 03:04:58 · update #1
You can't they are going to make their desicion regardless off what you think but I would talk to them, sit them down and lay it ALL out on the table. Keep them active, idle hands are nothing but trouble, sports, art programs, if they are into music, get them drum lessons, let them vent.
2006-09-21 02:52:42 · answer #1 · answered by wildame12 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can never really be sure what your children are doing. You need to sit down and tell them about sex, drugs and rock and roll. Be honest. Also, don't only tell them the negative side of getting involved with these things. Tell them exactly why most children do drugs and drink. The music is not the problem. The crowd and the lifestyle can be positive to a child if they know the ins and outs. I grew up a rocker. I wouldn't change it for a minute. I was educated about these things. Yes, I made some bad choices, but I did learn from all of them. Give your children guidance and let them know that you are there if they need to talk. You are their best teacher.
2006-09-21 09:59:06 · answer #2 · answered by lnlyheart123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really can't make sure that they don't get into drugs. And every generation asks the same thing, your best bet is to make sure they are completely aware of all info/dangers/consequences, etc. kinda along the lines of d.a.r.e. you know? If you have used drugs, be honest with them about negative affects it had (maybe wait till 13/14 for that though, you don't want the "well, you did it" excuse) The worst mistake parents make is trying to shield their children thinking they wont try drugs if they dont mention them or talk abotu them or permit them. Tell your kids if they are curious they can come to you. The distant dad twice a month thing may actually work in your favor, since they will see you as like a vacation from mom's rules and may open up to you more since they are boys in puberty. As for the music, as long as they are intelligent enough to realize music is music and songs about killing or rape do not make it ok, its just a song, then just let them be kids. Good luck
2006-09-21 09:57:57 · answer #3 · answered by Slutlana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter what kind of music they listen to its how much time you spend as a family knowing your kids knowing their friends and if you cant their mother needs to
Music doesn't make kids do drugs or kill that is just an easy way to pass the buck we have to be involved know where they are going who they are with eat dinner together spend a nite together watching a movie invite their friends over ..... but do give them space your their mom and dad not there best friend......there are many signs to look for if kids are heading for trouble look for them but in a loving way not as a dictator
2006-09-21 20:44:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a heavy metal chick and not everyone has to fit into the persona. If you saw me you would have no idea that I listened to that type of music. I feel that if you talk to your kids about drugs and how drugs affect them and pull up articles and keep it drilled in their heads. They will be OK. You have to remember to tell them that they do have their own mind and that they don't have to do something that everyone else is doing. Don't become a nag about it but keep the information flowing. Communication and you as a role model is the key.
2006-09-21 09:59:51 · answer #5 · answered by Moon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't like their mother's life style and and are concerned about what it will do to your sons, I would do what I had to do to file for and gain custody. It is not uncommon today for the father to have custody. Talk to your employer about your hours, they they can't work with you, seek other employement. At least get yourself in a position where you can have them with you more than once or twice a week. I believe boys need their dad.
2006-09-21 09:58:01 · answer #6 · answered by Classy Granny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it sounds lame, but I really feel for you. You wouldn't be here asking about this situation if you weren't genuinely concerned about your kids.
I know it's really going to sound lame, but I hope you're a man of prayer. Pray alot for them. It matters.
But above all, just love them. Belive it or not, people (even kid-people) know when someone really loves them. Be consistent. If you don't have a 'creed' or religious or philosophical perspective to pass down ( I mean one you really believe in), then at least be consistent in your search. You don't have to reveal everything ( be discrete:you are a father, not a friend) but if you teach them to search, instead of just follow the pack, they may be less likely to do drugs. And of course, talk to them frankly about drugs.
I know how difficult divorce is, and how it tears fathers from their children, but be encouraged. Even if there are problems in the short run, you are obviously a man who loves his sons, and who is in it for the long haul. That is what your sons need. Just be there for them, no matter what happens; just be there.
Hoping the best for you...
2006-09-21 23:47:06 · answer #7 · answered by Debra N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is hope that they have a good head on their shoulders and can make decisions for themselves other then that kids will do what they choose no matter how hard we as parents try to change them. I as a mother try to be open minded and a few steps ahead of them not easy.
2006-09-22 15:15:01 · answer #8 · answered by doodiemoonwalker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you cant be a dad if you see them only once or twice a month... I understand you have crazy hours, but i mean YOUR life comes first (that is a life with your children) You kids are gettign to an age now where they need more guidence... and sure their mom is there but if you want to have ANY influence on them, you gotta be there more... to them your proabably just a stranger, thats the bottom line.
2006-09-21 09:56:52 · answer #9 · answered by Tina 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Talk openly with them, get involved with what they are doing and learn as much as you can about their music, etc, and set a good example by the way you live your life and what you'll allow in your home.... Ask them lots of questions ... be nosey! It's your job as a good dad.
2006-09-21 10:19:28 · answer #10 · answered by Lady J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋