My abusive alcholic father wants......?

Question

I have an abusive alcholic father. He wants me to spend more time with him and talk to him more often. THe thing is, that every time I know that I am about to see him, I have panic attacks. ANd usually after I see him, I am really depressed for days. I just cant find it in me to forgive him. I try so hard. Still, sometimes when I see him he is mean to me. SO I really dread talking to him because he always is mean to me on the phone. He says that he loves me. I think he does. But the alchol is distorting it. SHould I give him another chance?

Oh yeah, I am 12 almost 13.

THis would not be his 2nd chance though by a long shot!!!

I am in therapy and counseling now but he refuses to get any.

Answer 1

hell yeah...everyone deserves a 2nd chance

Answer 2

Hello

I have a little experience with this situation. I am a recovering alcohol/drug addict. I have 7 years clean.
My first question is where is your Mother?

Everything you stated about your Dad wanting to see you more; wanting to talk to you more; it's the alcohol talking. NOT your Dad.
Most folks don't understand why people drink or drug. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Alcohol is a depressant which makes the situation worse. I would suggest you go to Al-Anon. This is a support group for the families of alcoholics. They learn how to cope; they share their guilt; and they work together to make their lives better.They have an Al-Anon for Teens also.

This talk about a second chance; well I think YOU need to get thru the 1st chance. You gotta be okay with you, first. This support group will help you work thru the unforgiveness in your heart. This is a serious situation. This is your daddy we are talking about. Don't ever stop loving him. I have no doubt at all that he loves you very much. Right now, thou, his mind is in a fog.

Please honey, find a meeting and GO. You are not alone! Their are other kids out there who are in the same situation.
You may e-mail me if you wish to talk further.
I know how you feel, I've been there.
Try to keep Smilin'. Bye

Answer 3

Hi, First of all I want to say that just because he is your father, that does not mean that you have to keep giving him chances. I see a few ppl on here saying that he deserves as many chances as he needs...and that you should just put up with it...but that is NOT true! No parent should abuse their child for any reason...it is inexcusable. Please be careful of the advice you take on here, these ppl do not know your situation and apparently they have issues of their own if they think parents should be allowed to abuse their children in anyway.

Second, if his behavior is inappropriate and is upsetting you, you should stay away from him, at least until he is able to get help and recover from alcoholism and his abusive behavior. If the abuse you are talking about is physical or sexual in anyway, I would recommended going to a counselor or some other professional, maybe at your school. If for some reason you do not feel comfortable with that, maybe you can talk to one of your friend’s mothers or someone else you feel safe with. Even if the abuse is mental ( being mean, yelling, etc.) you should find someone that you trust and can talk to about it, esp if you cant talk to your mom for whatever reason.

Please, please, please DO NOT put yourself in harms way. If you feel uncomfortable with him you probably have a good reason to feel that way. Trust your instincts. Parents make mistakes just like everyone else, but that does not give them the right to mistreat their children over and over again. If he truly loves you, and he probably does, tell him how you feel and he should understand why you do not want to see him until he gets the help he needs. I am a parent of two children and if I ever mistreated them I would not expect them to automatically forgive me just because I am their mother. I would try my hardest to change and do whatever it takes to earn their trust and love back, and he should too. I hope this helps you a lil bit and good luck.

Answer 4

If you forgive him, you are just being selfish...Yes you heard me right. Forgiving someone is selfish in a way because you are in return relieving yourself of the bitterness, burden that has accumulated. My father died when I was 15 due to a drug overdose (I found him in his room) and my Mom is a recovering alcoholic. I thank God for the many miracles that has kept her alive (five of which were surviving the five cars she totalled) and the others that has her clean today for about 6 and 1/2 years now. You may have confronted your father before but to no avail, just remind him that you love him and you forgive him and do it as many times as you need to. (Just do not enable him to keep drinking by saying `it`s okay, or here is some money` If you really want to see a change in him pray for him and it is a MUST that you read Josh McDowells testamony/book called Evidence that Demands a Verdict....WONDERFUL book of a man set out to refute Christianity he wrote about four books as to why faith in Christ is not intelectualy feasible and when he realized that the resurection is simply an event in history that could not be explained away he exepted Christ. After that he was able to forgive his alcoholic father who was known as the town drunk and used to beat and tie up his own wife, Josh`s mother in the barn. Check it out please. EVIDENCE THAT DEMANDS A VERDICT. When he told his Father...`I love you and forgive you` His father knew, and asked if Jesus could change his life too. At that moment he accepted Christ into his life...his father touched alcohol only once since then and it didn`t pass his lips...PRAISE GOD. God is good no matter what is happining in our lives we can Rejoice in knowing that God is the same yesterday today and forever. Never changing and always loving and ready to forgive. God Bless you today and know He `...has come so that we may have life and have it more abundantly` John 10:10 . Take care. and if you would like you may e-mail me at [e-mail]

Answer 5

This is what I think...I think your dad prob does love you very much!! I think though, that he has an addiction, that obviously is bad. I think that you should give him all the chances he needs but stay firm. I think you need to constantly encourage his getting better. You need to be strong, or it will never work!! You meed to tell him in the moments that he is not being mean to you how much you love him and that because you love him, you want him better. Tell him that he is hurting you inside and you know he dosen't mean it but that it still hurts. You also have to remember that he is your father maybe not the best one, but your father nonetheless and you will never have another one. Make sure that you have no regrets ever. I keep telling my husband, and I'll tell you too...If something serious or fatal happened to your dad and you were never around, how would that make you feel? Would you regret anything? Make sure you don't. Good luck to you, You are in my thoughts :)

Answer 6

Yes, give him as many chances as you can possibly stand or tolerate. Have you ever told your father exactly how he has affected your life in such a negative way? I lost my father when I was 6, and he was a complete ahole. I will never get that chance to tell him what I thought of him. Find the strenght to face him and get everything off your chest . And are you in therapy at all for the abuse you suffered? Good luck dear.

Answer 7

I wish that I could just give you the right answer and have things go good for you! all I can say is that alcohol is an addiction and my husband is a recovering alcoholic. They have to find it in themselves to stop the drinking! as much as you would like to just have the power to stop it for them! Honey you need to tell him that he makes you uncomfortable when he is drinking and that until he stops you do not want to have anything to do with him, for your safety. Being mean can stem from the alcohol also. My husband was mean when he was drinking also. I thank the lord everyday that he has stopped and our relationship has improved 100% and I think that would happen in your case also if he quit. I wish you luck! Stay strong and remember that NOTHING you have done has made him this way its just the way he is!

Answer 8

If you haven't told him how you feel, I think you should. Let him know you want him to go with you to your therapy and not judge you, as you would be there for him if he asked. If he can't do this for his daughter.......I'm sorry to say sometimes the only thing to do is let them get worse and hit rock bottom before they'll realize they need to change. Just remember everyone is human and mistakes are made on a daily basis. Good Luck

Answer 9

If you are uncomfortable seeing him then you should tell him that right now its too much for you to deal with. Keep in touch by phone but stop the one on one visits until you feel comfortable doing so.. I would hope that your dad would understand but I don't know that he will--the alcohol clouds there rational thinking and he may lash out and try to make you feel guilty. I have been here before sweetie and its no fun.

Answer 10

He is your father. One day he will not be here. So I believe you should always keep trying to work it out with him .My father is an alcholic also. He rarely tells us he loves us, but we know he does. He stays to hisself inless he is drunk, then he wants to talk your ear off repeating the same things. I do not like it, but I have learned to accept him for who he is. I think there is more going on with my father then he lets on so he uses the beer to cover it up. I love my father and will always be there for him no matter what. Once you learn to accept him for who he is then it will not be so bad. I am not saying that you have to like it and support it , just try to cope with it the best way you can. I used to get so mad at my dad, now I just say whatever. I feel more for my mom then anything, she still lives with him.Good Luck.Ask God to help you cope with this .

Answer 11

Do what is right for you, if you are feeling uncomfortable take a break from him. Yes he is your father but he has issues that he needs to work out on his own, you can't let him bring you down for days at a time. If things are meant to work out with him they will, whether it's this month or next year. I have been there, done that. And no it didn't work out, HIS LOSS!! Put yourself in the number one spot!