Biting at daycare... ?

Question

My 2 year old is at daycare from 6:30am to 4:30pm and hes been biting there. How do I diciplne him 4 or 5 hours after the fact? (besides talking to hm about it - because he understands what he's doing and will tell me he did it)

Answer 1

He's just doing it to get attention.He wants more of your time,besides he's a kid later in life he'll be thankful that you provided him with a secure future

Answer 2

This is hard, because you definitely want to reinforce the idea that biting is unacceptable, but, as you said- it is a long time after the fact when the message gets to you. I'll tell you what I tell my children's parents when this happens... just keep repeating your mantra at home- no punishment is necessary if the teacher has already dealt with the issue in the classroom. Just reminders should do from you... "We bite food, not people" and "biting hurts our friends" are good reminders. Talk about these kinds of things when you are playing and just in casual conversation. When you are playing with action figures, for example, show your son how they can touch each other nicely, and comment on it. If you catch your son touching someone in a nice way, comment on it... the idea is to catch him being good, and praise him for it to get the spotlight off the biting. The most often reasons for biting are lack of words to say feelings (which it doesn't sound as if your son is lacking), needing something to bite on (teething or oral sensory issues), and attention. It may just be that he is receiving attention from the biting, and has found that it is effective. This can definitely be true when there are very few teachers with lots of kids. Talk to the teacher about the specific circumstances surrounding the biting incidents, and find out when and how many teachers are present. It could just be a lack of supervision and he has an instigator that starts things with him. But, as for the discipline, if it has been taken care of by the teacher, that's all that needs to be done. Punishing him so far after the fact will not be helpful to the situation.

Answer 3

Having been an ower of a commercial childcare and preschool for years, I've had lots of experience with this issue. It sounds like your son's biting is most likely caused by frustration, although other emotions can also trigger it. Sometimes, children even bite out of love or curiosity. Big, squishy chunks of baby flesh is tempting to bite. :-) So, first you need to find out what benefit your son is getting out of biting. It could be a release of emotion, a way to intimidate to get what he wants, a ploy for attention: investigate all the possibilities. The consequence needs to be immediate. You need to make a plan with the teacher as to what her action will be. The teachers, by now, should be able to identify what provokes the biting. They should be able to predict and prevent, by now. They should be able to tell you what is leading up to it and how they are redirecting him before he hurts someone. If they cannot answer these basic questions, find a dew daycare; they are overwhelmed.

Hours after a bite, the only way you can address it with your son is to start general conversations about what our feelings are called and how we express them, e.g.: "I am angry. This is my angry face. How do you look when you're angry? What do we do when we're angry? Do we yell? Do we stomp our feet? Do we take a timeout? Do we bite? No, we never ever bite." Hours later is way too late to apply a consequence to a two-year old. Daycare and home punishments should not carry-over to one another.

The daycare needs to have a strict biting policy. The danger you face is getting kicked out, possibly for three or more incidents. If other parents complain, you could have even bigger problems. Though considered to be a fairly normal right-of-passge, biting should be taken pretty seriously. It should not be blown off, like some of the previous answers suggest. If you want to be more proactive in the solution, you either need to get down to the daycare center immediately after a biting incident, or have his teacher call you at work so you can talk to him on the phone.

I hope this helps.

~~HD just posted above. I like her answer! Great suggestions. Exactly the way it's done.

Answer 4

My child is also 2 and in daycare. I have seen some of the other answers you have received and wanted to add my thoughts. Biting is distressing but it is very common and will pass. Usually it is a demonstration of frustration - which all toddlers feel at this stage in their life. Being in daycare will not undermine his security if he gets lots of love and attention from you at home and knows he is loved and wanted, which I am sure he does. If there is no disruption at home, there may be an issue at daycare - is another child bullying him or influencing him? Talk to his keyworker. The nursery should have a strict biting policy that is published, if they are competent. Ask what it is. The incident needs to be dealt with when it happens and then again by you at home. Under no circumstances bite your child back - parents should teach by example and if you bite then why shouldn't he? Be clear on the fact that it is wrong "We don't bite people. Biting is not acceptable.". He won't know why he is biting but if he tells you I guess he already knows it is wrong and he is wanting to check your reaction - as all toddlers do as they try to establish boudaries. I am sure it will pass. Good luck. :)

Answer 5

I would not recommend biting him back, that would be child abuse, and we are more civilized than an eye for eye. You want to teach and model behavior for your child, do you really want to model biting?
You should really talk with the teachers about it. They may be able to come up with things for him to do to stop the biting, and they should be working to catch it before it happens, especially if he is a chronic biter.
He could be biting for attention, yes even negative attention. For a 2 year old any attention is acceptable. Try to find out if the biting can be traced to certain toys, times, children, etc. If he has established a pattern it will be easier to break.
If the teachers at the center are true professionals they should know how to approach this and what they need to do to maintain safety in their classroom. If the teachers are not willing to do all they can or work with you and your child to overcome the problem with positive reinforcement and redirection than it may not be the best place for your child.
You should talk with your child about the biting, but do not give it too much attention. Try to use the word hurt instead of bite, by doing this you take the focus off. When you use the word bite with him you are reinforcing the action in him.

Answer 6

Discipline has to take place at the time of the bite. Punishing him later won't work- you are so right.

Role playing at home can help him build skills to replace the biting. Have him take a toy from you and then say out loud. "That made me mad" Then show him all the choices he has- telling the teacher, choosing a new toy, saying, "that's OK, I'll play with that toy later," etc. Then cheer for yourself. Now switch. You have to replace the biting with a new behavior.
As for monitoring the behavior-How about making a little badge for him with a happy face on it? He keeps it on at daycare as long as he doesn't bite. That way, when you pick him up, you don't have to talk about whether or not he bit that day (which can be unintentionaly rewarding or give him a distorted self-image). You can have stickers in the car ready for him, or a treat on the way home. Include the badge when you role play and talk about how important it is to always keep the badge on.
Also, try not to talk about this problem with other adults in his presence. I have seen lots of parents give my little students the idea that they are "mean kids" from the conversations they have with me. If you have to talk in front of him, use phrases like "Joey is working hard on having kind hands and a kind mouth. Did he do a great job today, or do we need to work harder?" If the teacher says "work harder", reply with a positive comment. "We are hard workers, and we are so smart. I know we can do this." Kids really listen to what others say about them.
Good luck with this. I have seen it a million times. As your son's vocabulary expands, this will fade. For now, give him the words and actions that will take the place of biting.

Answer 7

biting can happen when they aren't able to communicate their frustration.

Punishment after the fact will not do any good, his teacher needs to either distract him or isolate him till he calms down.

Teach your son "anger words" to use when he gets upset and praise him when he uses his words vs. biting.

If it's one kid that he keeps biting, the teacher might want to try to separate them until he gets past this phase.

This is a normal phase that kids go thru, it has nothing to do with the child being in daycare as someone else mentioned.
They got grown it once their speech develops and they learn to communicate their emotions.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Theres no disciplining after the fact... you just need to have a rule. You bite, no snack before bed or no tv or no toys. Simple as that.

Answer 9

You just need to talk to him. Let him know that it hurts people and makes them sad. Then ask him if he likes to be bitten. The providers at the daycare can handle this though. Happens all the time.

Answer 10

it's hard to dicipline a child hours after the fact that he/she did something wrong...but you also want to make sure they don't do it again...and if you talk to them and they understand they did something wrong and will tell you they did it then they are just doing it for the attention...the day care should do something when it happens...but you should also take action after they get home or they will continue to do it...

Answer 11

I KNOW THIS IS CRUEL BUT YOU CAN ONLY DICIPLINE HIM IF YOU SEE HIM DOING IT. I USE TO BITE MY SON BACK AND HE HAS NEVER DONE IT AGAIN. THEN ASK IF THAT FELT GOOD FOR HIM AND THATS WHY YOU SHOULDNT BITE. BECAUSE OF THE DISEASES OUT THER I WOULD BE VERY CAREFUL ABOUT THE BITING ISSUE AT DAY CARE AS WHAT HE COULD ACTUALLY CONTRACT IF THE BODY FLUID IS CONTRACTED BY BOTH CHILDREN. THIS IS WHY I BITE MY SON SO THAT HE KNEW THAT IT WAS PAINFUL & PREVENT POSSIBLE VIRUSES FROM ENTERING HIS BODY. WHO KNOWS WHAT OTHER CHILDREN HAVE THAT THEIR PARENTS ARENT AWARE OF.