advice needed please?

Question

my long distance nearly brokeup with me saying i am too negative, saying that i always think of the worst and worry and i should enjoy life, i managed to bring her around, she said even over yahoo chat i can be negative, she is a joyous girl and i cant loose her how can i improve myself to keep her and stay positive, i am under a lot of stress with my job which can affect me but she says i should leave that at the door and enjoy, i just think i am being realistic, please help

Answer 1

Long distance relationship is not always easy. You are really like my husband that used to be that way when we're apart. I'm exactly like your girl who complains and end up with arguements. If you really love her, you have to change your behaviour. You have to plan for future and not to worry about present. I always told him that if you want to be with me, you have to learn to relax and give time to yourself and me especially. And he did it. So I think you are able to do that too. Sometimes worries will comes automatically but if you learn to mix with a group of friends for coffee or tea, you'll be more socialize and free.
Only by this way, you can maintain your girl. If not, don't you regret if she were to leave you one day because of this tiny issue.
Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

I'm in a long-distance relationship myself and I know the ups and downs from personal experience. I'm 19 and my gf is already thinking of the future (she's 17). I'd rather enjoy life; there's still a lot more to come at this age. Yet, at the same time, I love her and I can't lose her, either.

It's good to be realistic. But personally, I think you two should recognize the effort and time that goes into a relationship. Don't be negative or pessimistic about the future, but always think it will go somewhere. Once you start thinking about that, you've got to make it a reality. So, make sure that you WANT this to work out. If it starts becoming like a chore, then it might not work out too well in the end. Let her know about your stress and she should comfort you rather than criticize you for being 'too negative.'

Hope this helps a little.

Answer 3

perhaps you are a little negative but its nothing you cant change, if work is stressful try to work out what part of work makes you the most stressed eg too many hours, then try and cut down a little or too isolated at work, then organise a night at the pub to get to know your work mates better join a gym and go during lunch (i did it destressed me and i toned up too) your girlfriend is right about leaving work at the door if this is too difficult or you need to work at home too then organise "self" time or invite your mates over this is good to distract you from work and its good fun as for your girlfriend organise a weekend away somewhere where you cant be called from work somewhere with lots of things to do like a theme park or even an adventure holiday or even just a romantic quiet weekend where you may nopt even leave your room but for you to keep her you need to show an effort to change at least by a little
last idea if all else fails have a thought jar, this is the equivalent to a swear jar but you put money in every time you have a negative thought about yourself or if someone tells you you are being negative at the end of the week/month crack it open and use it for something fun
good luck hope this is helpful

Answer 4

Instead of founding the negative in things think of the opposite. its hard but over time you do stop thinking negative thoughts. If your job is that bad try and find another one or look at it this way its a job, you are a number nothing more, so as long as you get paid at the end of the week/month why worry. be the sheep at work and enjoy your self when you are not there. Life is for living so get out there and do it.

Answer 5

Well she is being unfair and unrealistic if she thinks that when you leave work you can just switch iff and forever keep up a happy chirpy persona. No one can do that ALL the time. I'm quite a cheerful person but even i can feel the strain of life when everything just gets too much. You are only human.

What you can do though, is as soon as you leave work, think of something that makes you really happy or think of something funny that made you laugh today. This will put you in a slightly better mood. Don't sigh (people around you automatically think you're stressed if you start sighing and tend to keep their distance).

And most of all, whenever you feel like you're about to moan, think about what it is you're about to moan about...Is it trivial?...is it worth mentioning?....will it just put you in a bad mood talking about it?...is your girlfriend interested in what you were about to say?
And if you really do need to let it all out in order to let off steam, don't b*tch, just explain why you are worried about it and then thank her and say you are sorry but you just needed to tell someone and you wanted it to be her. And then change the subject...preferably something to do with her...ask her about her day or how is so-and-so or ask her about something that has been bothering her or something she has mentioned lately. This will show that you listen to her too and aren't wrapped up in your little world.

Hope this helps

Answer 6

Going through my own fair share of stress and taking into account that I am, by nature a serious/realistic person, I have definatly learnt to let go of little bothers in life. Because you cannot always do everything for everyone. That is what made me too serious. Do what YOU need to do and yes give your best but dont try to sort out other peoples problems. Trust me, they can sort them out and they need to. That way you learn to be less stressed, less serious and laugh more at yourself and just fully enjoy life. Remember, you cant change your personality but you can change your attitude.

Answer 7

You can change any habit in an instant. All you need to do is want to change it badly enough and associate massive pain with the old behavior. Try complimenting people randomly. When someone asks you how you are, even if you aren't feeling well, make it into a positive. Remember that misery loves company, but who wants to be around miserable people? Good luck.

Answer 8

maybe she's right, maybe she is just looking for excuses and that's the best she can do. True you should enjoy life , money isn't everything but, then it's a real world we live in and it takes money sometimes. Improve yourself? Do it for yourself not for her. If she isn't meant to be then enjoy it.....a better chick will come around. There's chicks out there who would give anything to have two things in a man... a man who's got a job and is faithful.

Answer 9

It is hard to look for the positive when youare used to being negative. For starters, every time you talk to her, start by saying something good abouy your day so far. If you make it a habit it will get easier and easier. Even if it is something small. Every day make a list of things that are good about your day, or that you are thankful for. Focus on the pleasant things and you will notice them more and more, and notice the unpleasant things less.

Answer 10

I guess, your girl's right. Leave your worries and stress at work place! try to have a new life after your work. It could be devastating if you let it affect your personal life. Let her feel that you are glad to chat with her.