this poem is by me!
Introduction
Let me draw, ink for I have things to say
And sound I shall from cut and thrust
Of that my pen is sure.
For I shall scroll my words to chisel, a pleading pleasing note
That bends your most learned and lending ear to my delivery.
I delighting in twisting and twirling, a word in full flight
To cause your heart to, flutter.
But to engage you, in fancy-full delight I would gild
Each petal and leaf to a budding conclusion that draws
You closer to my-side.
Or; when the deepest howl of night descends
In, a twinkle of an eye pour a spell from a careless page
To cause, the written hand to speak
And that will parallel you straight to my:
SOUL.
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2006-09-20 22:40:51 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Performing Arts
sorry it doesn't work
2006-09-20 22:43:30 · answer #1 · answered by peter gunn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all that well. I do get the feeling that there is a compelling idea there, but am quite frankly put off by the language. Could be that I am not literate enough for this. The metaphors etc. seem a little too far-fetched and confusing and i find myself wishing that you'd made it just a little more straight-forward. For example, "And sound I shall from cut and thrust / Of that my pen is sure" doesn't make sense to me. Sound what?
But I like the way you use rhymes and sound patterning. It doesn't seem too forced at all. But some of the words and phrasings do, I'm afraid.
2006-09-21 05:57:44 · answer #2 · answered by Topi M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"And sound i shall" line is vague--cut and thrust are good words, but from what? how does that relate to the first image of ink and drawing your words?
I delight would be better than I delighting.
in fancy full delight i would guild? glide? which word do you mean? try to avoid using delight twice.
use a more direct and active word than parallel since it is the conclusion of the poem.
i really like this poem. i like your images and choice of words.
2006-09-21 12:17:11 · answer #3 · answered by serasotto 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no i didnt get it i taught you were talking to a biro first then speaking to the flower and in the end a rollacoaster im sorry if it rhymed a little more and some of the words matched i think it would sound better sorry again but keep it up
2006-09-21 05:52:16 · answer #4 · answered by ââ¢Â¥ ââ¢Â¥abc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some nice word choices, but the alliteration is distracting. And what's a soul?
2006-09-21 05:53:45 · answer #5 · answered by Rollin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No,not emotive-what`s it actually trying to acheive?The writing bit is too long winded.Cut to the chase.It`s meant for them,well they shouldn`t have to think about it first !!
2006-09-22 14:04:18 · answer #6 · answered by JULIA E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to be a pleb, but I fücking hate poetry!
2006-09-21 06:14:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Makes no sense at all, sorry.
2006-09-21 05:48:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
is English not your first language?
This makes no sense!
2006-09-21 05:50:38 · answer #9 · answered by Michael E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no.
to poncy!!
i prefer a good limerick!
x
2006-09-21 05:50:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋