Get EVEN in a good way.....got funny jokes to share.....?

Question

My favorite quote ..just want to share..:)

*If you can't handle the heat in the kitchen...then cooking is not for you.*.

got some jokes posted previously....THANKS for sharing the jokes...cheers to all..:)

Answer 1

Three guys were fishing when one of them hooked a mermaid . She promised 2 grant each of them a wish if they'd let her go . " It's a deal , " the first fisherman said . " I'd like u 2 double my intelligence." Immediately , he began 2 recite Shakespeare 's Macbeth. "Wow ! " the second guy exclaimed . " Could u triple my intelligence ? " He'd no sooner made the request than he started spouting Einstein's equations on the theory of relativity . " That's amazing ! " the third fisherman yelled . " Quintuple my intelligence . " " R u sure ? " the mermaid asked . " U might not like the outcome . " "I'm sure . Just do it , " the guy said . He closed his eyes 2 wait 4 the wish 2 be granted n - poof ! - he became a woman

Answer 2

Judge: 1.Is your appearance this morning before me because of a deposition notice I sent to your attorney?
--No. This is how I dressed always when I go to my job.

2.What is Your I.Q.?
--My eyes are normal.

Answer 3

an oldie:-

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. "Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?"
"Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your a*s."
"Okay," says the guy. He turns to his dog. "Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of your doghouse?"
"Roof!" The man turns and smiles at the bartender.
"THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!"
"Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?"
"Ruff!"
"What the hell are you tryin' to pull, mister?"
"Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me
-- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?"
"Ruth."
The bartender beats the hell out of the guy and throws onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.
"Geez. D'ya think I shoulda said DiMaggio?"