We got together when I was 19. I had no real serious relationships before her and as time goes on I wonder if I am 'wasting my youth' Im not ready to settle down with anyone and Im constantly wondering what it would be like to be with someone else (not just for sexual reasons) I find our relationship stale and boring and im really confused as to wether we are compatable enough. I fear two things.... 1. I'll get to 40yo and realise i wasted my youth with the wrong person
2. get to 40yo and regret giving up the best thing that ever happened to me, being alone on unhappy with someone worse. I can say she is my best friend and I love her but im not so sure if im in love.
BTW i have been confused by this for a long time now.
2006-09-20 19:51:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Six years and you're still wondering if you love her????? boy, you got a problem and if you think you're wasting your time, you should also think you're making this girl waste her time as well. And you know what? It'll only lead the both of you to be hurt and sorry and sad that you wasted your time ans weren't brave enough to deal with this situation. Why don't you take a break from this relationship and see how you feel. If after some time you still want her by your side, and she wants you with her as well, then you should give it another chance, but if one or both of you don't feel like coming back, then it's pretty much over, and both will be free to walk into the rest of your life, meet new people, and find someone you can truly love.
2006-09-21 07:37:49 · answer #1 · answered by Mossespa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER stay in a relationship that makes you un-happy or makes you question whether or not you want to be with that person. I hate to say this but if you keep pretending and talking your self into being in love with her then you are not only wasteing your youth but her's at the same time and i'm pretty sure when you're 40 you don't want that guilt on your mind.
just take a break from her and see how that goes. you can do it. don't be afraid. :)
2006-09-21 03:01:05 · answer #2 · answered by ~Angel with scabbed wings~ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same predicament a few years back... I would evaluate the relationship, see if there are any improvements to be made. Communication is key. I chose to just leave and have never found anyone that is as compatible and loving and trustworthy as he was. Think a lil more and talk with her.
2006-09-21 02:56:05 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well stop thing of yourself for a minute! Think about about her are you wasting her time! I was in shoes 3yrs agos, i wasn't sure about what to do? But i knew she wanted kids, i wasn't ready 4 that so i wasn't going keep her from finding happiness! So either love here with everything you got or get out of the way!
2006-09-21 03:02:45 · answer #4 · answered by hardactinman 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are questioning your love its not right. Im the same age as you and have just come out of a 6 year relationship and it has been hard but the best thing i have done.
Once you start doubting that you love the person you know its not right..............good luck with whatever you decide to choose
2006-09-21 11:46:15 · answer #5 · answered by dizzymooo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you doubt you love her-then you dont love her People stay in a relationship because they love them Right or Wrong My son was in the same boat 4 mos ago of 5 yrs w/woman He let her go-Found his SOULMATE next weekend! Loves her Head over heels in love Shes not as pretty as ex or witty as ex but HE KNOWS he loves her!He was afraid to let go of famialarity to find an unknown feeling but found it promptly! So glad he did too Dont be AFRAID to let go either..You can only learn from this yourself Spread your wings and fly..If its meant to be w/old ex and you ve explored new women & found out you loved old ex -then she will take you back IF she loved you all along Love has no bounderies! Go for it A.S.A.P.
2006-09-21 22:17:24 · answer #6 · answered by jrf9602 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're still really young. It's totally okay to be just not ready to settle down. I don't believe it's fair to her for you to stay in the relationship when you've had this feeling you might be making a mistake for so long. She deserves to be loved too.
2006-09-21 03:04:53 · answer #7 · answered by mj_indigo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds an awful lot to me you are curious to explore other relations with other women. (not just for sexual reasons) SURE! I do hear you loud and clear, but you got to wake up, do the equation and see that then, maybe the only reason you are sticking with your current is just for the sex, because you are dreaming of something more right?
Well, youre right to be afraid for 2 reasons maybe 3.
one is YOU and your happiness, stated, you dont want to hit 40. Good know its what you want with her.
two is HER. Is she happy or just scared like you? Maybe she has all kinds of personality going on but you guys just dont click (except in bed?) this is about respecting her life also. Dont leave her at 40 empty handed. (bedded in this case)
three (maybe) both of you want out but scared to look like buffoons to the rest of the world and then running home to one another when the big bad world bites you in the ass or hurts you.
major jealousy issues lie down the road if you try to just 'experiment' if you both avidly engage in seeking other partners and one tries to get back with teh other....and the other is happier with someone new or just being away.
my advise would sensibly be to try and open up the relation a little bit, but if you are living in the same space or codependant somehow for any reason-which I am sure you are after 6 years- you better just have a really nice clean break on a very low key and understanding mood. Go get ALL of your stuff out of her apartment and hers out of yours etc. whatever your living situation. DO NOT leave ANYTHING behind other than clearly defined gifts to the other. This is an excuse (as much for yourself when you are feelilng weak or looking to get laid) to barge back in. This is what I mean by 'CLEAN' nothing AT ALL behind between you guys except phone numbers. No coats in the closet, no weight bench in the backyard etc. nothing. no excuse for things.
you better talk to her about it and get her exacting feelings on it to keep it mature. focus on 'mature' and 'clean' in breaking up if you want to have a good future reference. Break up to lease her to her whims and yourself as well. Be ready to safeguard yourself against some extreme jealousy issues that might develope from either of you. 6 years is more than just a walk in the park for sure.
get married, or get out. 6 years is enough.
2006-09-21 03:06:24 · answer #8 · answered by jorluke 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For heaven's sake, go and give her a chance to find someone who will appreciate her! If you don't after 6 years together, you never will, and she is wasting her time.
2006-09-21 03:00:24 · answer #9 · answered by Liz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have patience. Its not a good thing to be confused. But you have to know that yourself - no one can decide for you. you'll soon know either way in your heart. Listen to that inner voice and go by it. Dont spoil your own life or anybody else's.
2006-09-21 02:59:36 · answer #10 · answered by pakir poyum 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋