Name: Ryan / Age: 20 / Location: TX
I have only had one serious relationship in my life; and it was a very deep and passionate one. It goes without saying that I was miserable when she broke up with me after all we had been through. It took almost a year to fully escape the pain and regret.
Now, it is a year later, and I find that I'm on the verge of falling in love again. However, as you might guess: I'm a little afraid of being cast aside like last time as well as of the pain that it comes with.
The question:
Is there something that I could do or keep in mind when in a serious relationship, to lessen or prevent the severity of a broken heart- in the case that I be dumped again? Surely there has to be some sort of trick to be able to love yet not become too dependent or upset when it’s over. I don’t mean to be a wimp, as the fear of emotional pain won’t stop me from pursing love; but, any tips from more experienced people would be great.
Thanks.
2006-09-20 19:33:32 · 15 answers · asked by Ryan B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sorry you've had a rough time, Ryan. Love is something that shouldn't come lightly. Too many today are claiming love, after only a couple of dates, which is totally impossible. I'm talking from almost 29 years of marriage. I know more about love now than when I first married my husband, but still less than I want to know. It's a growing thing, one that's constantly being fed through conversation, acceptance, respect, thoughtfulness, laughter, friendship, loyalty, truthfulness, stability, responsibility, and so much more. I've learned that it's all about compromise and promises, and a vow that both keep forever, no matter what. Take your time with your relationship. Become best friends first. Allow the friendship to grow. Be yourself. If you enter a relationship with the expectations of more than just friendship, you're opening yourself up for a let down. When you get in a rush, getting things out of their proper order, you'll end up either rushing to get out of it, or hurt by the other leaving. Also, know this...you'll never really know everything about them. As your friendship grows, you'll both change. You'll both find that you no longer feel the same way about things you were passionate about not long ago. It's our nature to change. Many relationships don't survive the changes because the couples don't learn how to compromise and accept these changes as a natural part of growing up. I'm not talking about affairs or anything bad that often tears relationships apart. I'm talking about things like job changes, buying a home, having children, and other things that naturally happen in a marriage. And even before marriage, these small changes in growth can affect your relationship, unless you desire to make it work, despite your feelings. I don't know what caused your friend to reject your friendship, but you can never control another person's feelings, and you wouldn't want to. It's best that you found out how she felt before marriage, which would cause you even more pain. I'm a great believer in thinking that the one person you're meant to be with is out there, waiting for you to meet. They've also been burned a time or two, so go slow, for both of your sakes. What's the hurry anyway? Love is best when savored. <*)))><
2006-09-20 19:59:55 · answer #1 · answered by Sandylynn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, I am sorry to tell you that you cannot separate pain from love. Whae you love someone, you open yourself to the possibility that they can hurt you. When that love ends, the pain comes naturally. Maybe if you start the relationship knowing that the possibility for pain exists, you may be able to deal with the pain better, but there will *always* be pain.
It's just a part of being human.
2006-09-21 02:39:40 · answer #2 · answered by Space Case 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will always remember that pain..and how it felt and its ok to fear it because its no fun getting past it but if you have someone new in your life maybe you should talk about your feelings and ask what the girl feels about it, and get to know her better so you can feel more secure in your relationship, because if your only gonna worry about the past it doesnt allow you to fully give yourself over, and even tho you are taking a chance you took that chance when you got back into a relationship..we all hurt, we all learn from stuff and get back up and start over..its just part of life
2006-09-21 02:38:02 · answer #3 · answered by away right now 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Slow the process of dating down. Maybe try sincere friendship out first and REALLY get to know this person from every angle. At this point you will be able to see if this person has the ability to be there for you and not hurt you. After this maybe you can see alittle more into the future with this person. Also try staying away from strong physical contact, as this is the hardest to get over. I.E. Sex
2006-09-21 02:36:59 · answer #4 · answered by staticgear 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
before 4 u fall in love make sure that love is true- 1988 the fatboy. Its too soon 4 you to jump back into something serious! Tell ur parter you want to take it slow!Ryan ur heart is the valuable thing u will ever own so treat it as such! you must guard it until u know the difference between lust and love. RYAN RYAN UR ONLY 20YR OLD you should be jumpin the bones on anything thats moves!
2006-09-21 02:52:43 · answer #5 · answered by hardactinman 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Braking up is always painfull!!! Go for a holiday and relax a bit. Don't be too afraid to get into another serious relationship-sure it is hard, I know. BUt how will you know if you don't try. YOu will always wonder wether it would have worked or not. If you realy like her then go for it. It is worth all he heart ache. " It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all." I hope this helps you!!!
2006-09-21 02:39:55 · answer #6 · answered by amanda b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen your are human and in life you feel pain if you like it or not! It will be hard to trust some one again and you should take your time and not rush it let it happen anturally! but dont hold it back and hide it just make sure the person feels the same way you do!
2006-09-21 02:36:55 · answer #7 · answered by CRAZY IN LOVE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your not being a wimp just acknowledging your feelings. we all end up being thrown a learning curb sometime in our lives. i think everyone goes through this feeling of such utter heartbreak. you will get over this one day and move on. read tips on relationships that will help you better on this site
2006-09-21 02:54:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No easy answer here! The only way to never feel pain from love is to never be in love. For me, that's way to high a price!
2006-09-21 02:37:34 · answer #9 · answered by John L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ive been to a situation just like yours man....there are no tricks or tips...love is a gamble. no guarantees....right now im in a relationship with the sweetest most loving girl.
goodluck.
2006-09-21 02:38:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋