Is he worth keeping?

Question

me and my guy hav been going out for mo than 1 year now. and he is so desperate to have sex with me.I told him im not ready.im a very conservative gal,but for his sake,i gave into his expectation....not 100%.I didnt go far as having sex. but u know...i loosened up a bit...he's a very loving person...and he cares for me emmensly.but still, i feel like he forced me somehow to change and i feel guilty i gave in. i asked him y he did whtever he did and his answer was that, he needs to be intimate with me cuz that's the main way that he can express his love for me.i dont need to get physical with him to love him. but is there any truth in wht he says?

Actually...i already hav set up limitations.the frequency of him asking for whtever has lessen from once a week to once a month.i have told him clearly about wht i think and everything.but he loves me...in spite of all the stupid things i do...he still is with me.I am kinda a difficlt gal to exsist with...and throughout the year, he has done it quite marvellously.

Answer 1

Is he worth keeping? Only you can answer that one.

Is there any truth to his claim that he best expresses his love with physical passion? Probably. Many men aren't as comfortable with expressing their feelings the way women are. They don't go for the romantic gestures. They aren't skilled in writing love letters and poetry. They don't know how to talk about their feelings in depth. They don't do mushy love songs. Sappy cards are only bought when it's a birthday or anniversary, not for "just because."
There are plenty of men that are comfortable with these things, but your guy doesn't sound like one of them. He sounds like he's a more physical person rather than emotional, like my husband :-) There is nothing wrong with that, or him. He is the way he is, and you either accept him or leave him. There is no changing him. Trying to "put him in touch with his feminine side" only works in movies.

You need to find a middle ground to make it work. He wants sex, you want to abstain. So try to find ways to be physical, like whatever you have already done, without actually having sex. You shouldn't feel guilty that you gave in. It sounds like you did it out of love, not hormones. There really isn't anything wrong with a little foreplay as long as you set boundries about what he can and cannot do. Honestly, the more you do things, the easier it gets, and the more comfortable you will be with sexual contact. You can still save the sex for later, but there are ways to please one another without penetration or even oral.
Then talk to him about what he can do to show his feelings for you, ways that you are both comfortable with. Don't expect him to turn into Mr. Romance, but you can make suggestions about what you would like him to do. Then it's up to him to take it from there. After a year, you two should know how to communicate with each other, and start to know what the other one likes. There shouldn't be a problem finding ways to make you both happy without one sacrificing or doing something they don't want. All it takes is time and talking to the other to figure out what you can do without one always getting his/her way.

Answer 2

You chose to give into him. If you were not ready for that step you should not have gone to any length with him and you did. I think the reason was because you were afraid of loosing him. Boyfriends can show their love in less ways than that. Apparently he is making excuses to get his way and you are giving into that which is wrong on both your parts. Perhaps he is not the guy for you and the only way to find that out is to set limitations, where you will feel comfortable in the relationship. If he wants more than that from you than you need to move on. You have the upper hand...all you have to do is say NO!

Answer 3

First of all, you have to give a little responsibility towards yourself. The man wanted to make love to you and you knew from the very beginning he wanted that along with a loving relationship. I can't blame him at all, BUT did you have to give in? Of course not. That was your chance to be mature and say;

"Hey. This is not working out. I've mentioned before that I wanted to save my virginity because I believe it's sacred and will not have sex till then. If you feel the need to have sex in a relationship, there are women out there who feel to have that component just as you. I will step down for you to have the space to find the one who you love and make love to"

The both of you would've went your seperate ways in a sensible and peacefull manner. The way it sounds, you had no obligation to give in. But now that you broke that, that was YOUR DOING, not his. The man wanted you and it's natural for him. You should've stood your ground and now you have to own up to your mistake.

Look, I'm not trying to be a hard-*ss toward you. The point I'm making is that you and your man have a responsibility to yourselves what you want and make a clear choice. Hard as it sounds, it's the right choice so no one get's confused or hurt.

Go to him and tell him you made a mistake and that you and him should go your seperate ways. He needs to respect how you feel and so should you for him.

Answer 4

THERE IS SOME TRUTH IN WHAT HE IS SAYING LOVING
SOMEONE AND SHOWING HOW YOU FEEL IS A WONDEFUL FEELING. BUT YOU SHOULD NOT LET
HIM OR ANYONE ELSE MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR
HOW YOU FEEL. IF YOU NOT READY THEN YOU NOT
READY AND IF REALLY LOVE YOU AS HE SAY HE DOES
THEN HE WILL WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO SHOW
HIM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM ALSO. BUT I HAVE NOT
HEARD THE WORD LOVE IN THIS. SO SIT DOWN AND
TALK TO HIM AND BE HONEST WITH HOW YOU REALLY
FEEL. IF HE CANT ACCEPT THAT THEN YOU NEED TO
MOVE ON.

Answer 5

Ladies, you are the manager of the relationship. Without women, what would men do? Think about it, nothing. Simply state that you aren't ready to take your relationship to the next level and if he isn't mature enough to accept and respect your decison, he might have to fine someone else to fulfill his sexual expectations.

Answer 6

No. He is a selfish SOB who is only interested in his own satisfaction. He is disregarding your morals and your feelings. True love is patient. It waits until marriage, if necessary. He only wants to get into your pants.

Answer 7

I say if the guy has been with you for 1 year and has stayed with you with no sex he is definately in love with you, I say he is worth keeping.

Answer 8

IF YOU ALREADY HAD RELATIONS. IT'S NO SENSE IN KICKING, HIM TO THE CURVE, BUT WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. IF YOUR NOT READY, THEN DO, .NOT.BE PUSHED INTO SOMETHING , YOU'LL REGRET , DOWN THE LINE. IN YOUR FUTURE,. SEE GUY'S .TELL US SOMETIMES .THINGS THEY KNOW., WE LIKE TO HEAR, AND SOMETIMES. MAKE US FEEL GUILTY. BUT IF YOUR GUT INSTINCT, IS SAYING NO. NOT RIGHT NOW. LISTEN TO YOUR FRI ST CHOICE. YOU DON'T, WANT IT TO COME BACK. AND HUNT YOU. OF SAYING , I KNOW I SHOULDN'T. BUT SHOOTER, WOO DER, C ODDER , IT'LL BE TO LATE. AND LORD KNOWS,IF YOU POP UP. WITH A BUN ,IN THE OVEN. AND HE .DON'T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE.,, THEN YOUR FUTURE, DOWN THE DRAIN. AND ALSO IF YOU, ARE GOING TO BE SEXUALLY ACTIVE. I HOPE YOU PRACTICE, SAFE SEX. DON'T BE FORCE, INTO SOMETHING .YOU DON'T WANT.( LISTEN TO LY FE CD SEX . )HE TELL, AND SAY ANYTHING ,TO GET IN YOUR PAN T'S ." THINK BEFORE YOU LET IT GO.''

Answer 9

yes and its awful . my friend divorced and after it was said and done her ex said i wanted to get back together and she did remember him wanting to have sex with her. that was his way of showing he loved her. i think these men have problems and don't be bullied by it. keep what you believe in

Answer 10

he doesn't worth your time.