I have a problem in my sex life that I cant find the reason of and dont even know if its normal. When i have sex or even oral sex, I can never have an orgasm. I have never been able to have a orgasm by anybody who I have been with and it bothers me. The only way I can ever have an orgasm is to just do it myself or use my toys but thats it. Why do i have this problem and is it normal and what are some ways I can fix this if there is any?
2006-09-20 17:04:51 · 15 answers · asked by kristen e 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hon, it's not an unusual problem, but not exactly normal, of course. Some women are slow to orgasm. Many women take a lot of foreplay to get ready for sex, and a lot of guys aren't willing to invest the time and effort that it takes to get her ready. The really lucky ladies get ready fast.
Maybe you need to let you partner know what turns you own, and don't have intercourse unless you are thoroughly turned on, and feeling erotic.
There is another possibility ( probability?) which needs to be explored by a professional. Possibly you had some traumatic event in your life that caused you to have unconscious feelings about intercourse. Perhaps your mother gave you an impression that the act with a man was nasty, or dirty. As an adult, you came to know better, but your unconscious mind still harbors those thoughts and fears.
Maybe you were molested, or raped, or maybe there was incest that you enjoyed, but knew was wrong.
There are so many possibilities for what has been referred to as 'frigidity' or inability to enjoy intercourse.
You know that you have the right equipment, and it works for you when you are alone; now you just need to get it work when you are with someone. Get some help, and stop wasting time!
2006-09-20 17:26:09 · answer #1 · answered by seeitmiway32 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing age, how many times a week you have sex, type and kind of sex it will be very hard to answer this question. There could be so many reasons, physical, mental or even a medical problem. With your toys how long before you reach orgasm? Can you have orgasm without your toys by using your fingers? For not knowing these answers then I will step out in the dark and say it more physical. Using your toys (if they are huge) and going in deep you can widen thing up and get used to the size. Try not using your toys for a week or so. Change things up with your boyfriend, Have him use his fingers, tongue or even use your toys. Try something that you never did before with your boyfriend. I could answer this question better with more information but I do hope that this helps you.
2006-09-20 17:22:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try like not using your toys for like a week or two and after that period of time have sex and if you still having problems it could be that your mate doesnt know what he is doing. Show him what to do and try different things...different positions. I dont think you have any problems its just the guy needs to hit the right spot if you know what i mean otherwise i think theres a pill or something out that could help you. Goodluck! In my opinion i you can get an orgasm when playing by yourself but cant with the guys....they just arent touching you just right if you know what i mean. You know what makes you have an orgasm. Show the guy where to touch. Anyway good luck again! I hope you will finally have one with your mate.
2006-09-20 17:24:47 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got to show and tell the guy what makes you feel good because women have so many switches to turn on, it's difficult to hit each one at any given time without a little direction from her. Also, and more important, it's very difficult for a man to compete with some of these sex toys especially in your hands. So it's not sexually healthy to over use the toys, or for men to watch too much porn. Makes the real action more difficult to complete satisfactorily for both.
2006-09-20 17:19:39 · answer #4 · answered by the_md_victor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of women cant get an orgasm with just sex. its total norm. There is no way of fixing, it just depends from person to person. your best bet just find ways that you and your man can enjoy sex and dont look at a orgasm objective. it should be fun not functionable.
2006-09-20 17:23:17 · answer #5 · answered by crystalyn129 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once you relax about it and let it happen naturally it'll happen. trust me i know how it is. i never found someone who could bring me to orgasm, not really even close. the only way was if i did it or with toys. but then i met my soon to be husband and that all changed. you'll find someone who will take the time to please you and do what feel good without any expectations and BAM!! there's your orgasm!
2006-09-20 17:08:58 · answer #6 · answered by Btieti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like to me you are desensitized because of using toys and so on. You need to let go of the toys for about a week before you know you are going to have sex. Then you will have one even if they touch you in that area.
2006-09-20 17:08:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In order to have an orgasm...you have to use your imagination with the person the same way you imagine with your toys...works all the time...if that doesn't work....your buddy isnt doing anything right...plain and simple.
2006-09-20 17:15:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately it's a common problem to which I don't know the answer. I would suggest serious books on sex exploration. You seem to know how to pleasure yourself but the key is finding how can others please you....you have to become the teacher and that's gonna take practice and time and a willingness to experiment and be experimented on....surrender to the process and something good should come of it.....
2006-09-20 19:14:13 · answer #9 · answered by cub6ib9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone is different it is normal for some people. maybe you like violence during sex, like hair pulling, bitting or spanking. that stuff sometimes works if not try different positions or a partner in the same sex. exspearment with different things. thats what i had to do at one point.
2006-09-20 17:14:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋