What to do when two children are fighting over the same toy?

Question

My four-year-old boy and five-year-old girl find the same toys to fight over. I'm usually not in the room, so I don't know who had the toy first. Usually, I just take it away from the both of them. But is there any way to solve the conflict more effectively?

Answer 1

Good for you for trying to find alternative ways! I teach preschool and often have to deal with this problem. Don't take the toy away, it won't solve the problem and they will continue to fight over them. What you should do is 1st-Help you children identify the problem. Both children want the same toy. “It looks that two people want the same thing. 1 toy and 2 children.” Empathize. “I can tell you really want that. It’s upsetting that he won’t give it to you.” 2nd-Encourage them to contribute ideas for solving the problem and give them time to think of ideas. If they cannot come up with ideas provide some of your own (1 can have it for 5 minutes then the other can have it. They decide to find something else. They decide to use it together or put it away). 3rd-Restate their ideas in a positive way. 4th-Help them decide which idea they prefer. 5th-Help them carry out a solution (i.e., tell them when 5 minutes are up). 6th-Reinforce the process by telling them how well they solved their problem.

Do not place any blame, try and figure out who had it first, order them to take turns, separate them, scold them about sharing, take away the toy, ask why they both want the toy, threaten, distract, or discount their feeling. None of this works when problem solving. The problem belongs to your children, not you. This will take some practice, but it is very effective when dealing with two people who want the same thing. They will soon learn to do it on their own. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 2

It sounds like you mean that they fight over the same toys (plural) not just one.

A couple of suggestions. (1) Get an egg timer, set it for 5 minutes, and make them adhere to the "buzzer", you give it up or the other child gets to keep it for 10 minutes. Keep the toy and the child in your "presence" so you know how they are behaving. I think it would only take a few times for this to be "boring" - it's the fighting they like.

There is always time out - any fights, to the corner or the room.

One last suggestion, I would take the toy, put them both in the car, drive to the Goodwill, and put it in the donation bin. I would do that with each toy this happens with and I wouldn't replace them (and I would tell them you were not going to buy any more). If they get down to "no" toys, so be it.

Answer 3

NO! Kid's are going to fight over everything eachother likes. This is normal. As they get older it will only become more interesing. You should maybe watch and see who is playing with what toy because they really like the toy and who wants it just to annoy the other. If that can't resolve some conflict I would try making them your partner. What I mean by that is everytime they start fighting and make you have to stop your work, make them come be your partner to help you do your work.For example, when you go do laundry have them follow you.When you do dishes have them follow you.When your watching the most boring thing on T.V. Have them sit with you. Stick to that and I promise they will start to like play time together.

Answer 4

Here is what I do...I get a digital egg timer and set it for 5 minutes, child 1 plays with the toy for 5 minutes when the timer goes off, child 2 gets it for 5 minutes. The digital timer works great and the kids can see the numbers on it which helps because little children need visual as well as verbal cues. Of course you do not have to use 5 minutes, use any amount of time you think your kids will handle. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Take the toy away from both of them. Let them know that if they can't play with the toy nicely, they can't play at all. Sooner or later they will realize that sharing is better than losing the toy all together for the day.

Answer 6

I think the route you've taken is the correct one. I know it makes them both unhappy and that it seems unfair to the one who had the toy first; but they're family and they have to learn to work as one. Also, as the first child could have taken the initiative to include the second in his/ her game, they are BOTH still to blame. They have to learn to share, to be considerate of each other, to get along with one another and to work together. Also, life is sometimes (shoot most of the time) not fair. They also need to learn how to handle things peaceably when they feel they have been wronged in some way. Just think, how would it go over if the your child got into a fight with another over the mistaken identity of an item they both believed to truly be their own . . . or when another child calls them a name . . . or cheats to win a game? Just consider it tough love. You've gained rank in the hierarchy of parenting. Salute!!

Answer 7

Take the toy and hit them both with the toy, repeatedly. Then shake them and tell them if they ever fight over a toy again that you will take all their toys...and burn them. And send them to be adopted, by a funny man.

Answer 8

your doing the best thing already by taking the toy off them now you have to reason with them which yes I know is hard I have a 8 and 6 yo that are 19 mths apart what I do is once things have calmed down you speak to them both calmly and say now I'm going to bring toy back and let you both play with it in turns let one child have it time it then let the other child play with it

Answer 9

You drop nuclear bombs (punish) on the newborn (Palestine) that keeps terrorizing and firing missiles on the different, harmless newborn (Israel). that's exciting how some human beings have a subject with Israel protecting itself. We began 2 wars after 9/11 because of the fact of one attack. Israel has been getting attacked with the aid of the comparable variety of terrorists because of the fact 1948, yet there is outrage with the aid of Muslim sympathizers while Israel defends itself. Israel and the the remainder of the worldwide would be lots greater effective off, while the terrorists are eradicated. Israel has made many provides that have been rejected because of the fact it has no longer something to do with land. that's regarding the removal of Israel. "If the Palestinians laid down their palms, there may well be not greater conflict. If the Jews laid down their palms, there may well be not greater Israel."

Answer 10

As long as they are not killing each other , let them work it out once in awhile . As moms , we think we need to solve all . They need to learn how to adjust to little disagreements .When it gets out of hand -it doesn't necessarily mean one is right & one is wrong . They are both acting badly by fighting . Let them know there will be a time-out when they fight and give them 5 minutes of quiet time when fights are out of hand .Any longer than 5 minutes at a time for their age group-they'll be apt to forget what it's all about .