IWhen I eat lately I feel like its all going to the wrong places. I fear that the calorie gods are angry at me for that potato I just ate and are ready to smite me in the buttocks and thighs as vengence. I also transgressed and bought a bag of rice cakes today...and ate 4 or 5 of them. I am concerned that the fat fairies are on their way. How should I atone for my sins ? I felt a 6 pack of diet soda may appease their fierce anger or maybe 5 hours on the treadmill. Can you advise me guys ?
2006-09-20 15:05:03 · 13 answers · asked by ? 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I am now a follower of The Flying Spaghetti Monster,so I must eat as much pasta as I can and pray that I am good enough to partake of the beer volcano,even though I prefer wine.You must make friends with the fat fairies by leaving offerings of chocolate and cake.There are no calorie gods.That's a myth.I would also recommend getting totally schwacked on dry red wine.You lose at least two pounds that way if you toast the god of wine before you take your first drink.I'm not making that up.As for the calories going where you don't want them,you have to remember that it's just that you don't want them there,not that it's the wrong place.What might seem wrong to you might be the will of the Almighty Blubberbutt.
2006-09-20 17:27:31 · answer #1 · answered by kimberli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to build a bonehenge replica of stonehenge in your nearest field. Take the bones from the fried chicken you ate and make a giant circle. Then you must dance around the circle from morning to night throughout Ramadanandan without stopping to eat. (you may drink the dew that falls upon the chicken bones)
You must sing pirate songs, including 7000 "Yo Ho Ho's".
May the lard lord appease you.
2006-09-20 15:10:51 · answer #2 · answered by auntiegrav 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in the beginning, i'm no longer indignant with God. And if there's a God, i'm constructive he's pleased with what i'm doing with my existence. i'm constructive he additionally gets a kick out human beings atheists. No, i've got on no account sought counseling for my anger, I do love debating approximately faith although. yet confident, i in my view extremely doubt there is a few guy floating around interior the clouds watching our each circulate.
2016-10-15 05:56:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must repent by making a sacrifice to the Pizza God, the only true God.
Email a Pepperoni Pizza to me and the Pizza God may forgive you.
2006-09-20 15:11:50 · answer #4 · answered by Left the building 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember the prime commandment: Eat less and excersize more. It's treadmill time baby!
2006-09-20 15:08:50 · answer #5 · answered by adphllps 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you mean polytheists? Because you're going to get a barrage of smartass atheists telling you there's no such thing as a calorie god or fat fairy.
2006-09-20 15:06:45 · answer #6 · answered by ©2007 answers by missy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should engage in fierce masturbation 4 hours each day.
2006-09-20 15:08:45 · answer #7 · answered by hello 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you asking athiests? If you believe in Diet gods, then you could not be any farther from athiests.
2006-09-20 15:07:48 · answer #8 · answered by Lord_French_Fry 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe you asked A very similar question before, are you confused about your religion?
2006-09-20 15:21:10 · answer #9 · answered by Cartman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd check with the god of the psychiatric ward.
2006-09-20 15:09:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋