When I was 7months pregnant the father of my child abandoned me and my daughter for a 16 year old (which is legel in the state of kansas) and he is 26. He lied to me and everything about his relationship with her which was since I was 3 months pregnant. I almost lost my child from the sress and went into labor when i was 7 months pregnant as well. He tells me he still loves me and wants to be with me and be a family and it hurts. I love him with all my heart. I can't eat, can't sleep. I'm literally sick to my stomach constantly. For some reason I can't get over him...the first man in history i can't get over. I feel so unloved, unwanted. Everyday the thoughts that go through my head are "What did I do wrong...what is it that he would leave me like that?" i'm going crazy what should I do? just to let you know i am already seeing a shrink because of this. and there's more to the story but no room to put it.
2006-09-20 14:12:58 · 15 answers · asked by Stephani K 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Okay, first of all, you need to understand that you do not actually love the man who did this to you -- you love the man you want that person to be. The person you love doesn't actually exist. You need hypnotherapy (yes, it really does work). Go to hypnoshop.com. That's where I get all of my hypnotherapy materials. You'll be okay. It WILL get better. I promise.
2006-09-20 14:15:38 · answer #1 · answered by Writer of Truth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, how do you know you did anything? He was unfaithful and he left. He's in the wrong. He's the one who did something. He got you pregnant and ran off. He's a jerk. Is he still with that girl? If he is you shouldn't even be listening to him telling you he loves you and wants to come back. If he's really left her and seems sincere and you think you want him back, then you need to tell him he has to come to counseling with you. This can't be a one sided deal here. He does wrong and you're in counseling trying to figure out what you did wrong and he wants to come back without making any effort at all. I know it's hard. My husband took off when I was pregnant and moved in with another woman. I had to raise my child alone and pay for our divorce and everything else. I think what hurts the most is feeling like you and your child can be so easily replaced. I just worked and took care of my daughter and tried to be the best mommy I could. Time took care of the rest. I got over the pain and the anger and now I'm remarried to the perfect man for me. There is a good future out there for you, you just can't see it yet through the pain. Take heart and take care!
2006-09-20 14:37:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen, only YOU can answer this question. I almost lost someone in the past because I heard other people's voice, instead of my voice. I should have trusted my intuition better than I trusted others. You have to examine YOUR HEART and see how you really feel. I understand that you might not be able to do that right now, but talk to someone who REALLY CARES for you and ask for advice. In here, will listen a LOT OF PEOPLE and they might confuse you. NOT that there aren't good people in here, but ask God to help you and send you someone willing to help you. This one guy is the father of your child.
The first step: FORGIVE HIM for what he did. Some people do deserve a second chance. I did that, I gave mine a second chance and I also gave MYSELF a second chance. Sometimes not even a second, but a third, a fourght. We are human beings, we all make mistakes and we all screw things up one day = sooner or later. We must pick up the pieces and move on.
Don't let what happened to you and to him in the past ruin your life. You have a child with him. NOW I have a question for you: is he really worth all your suffering? If so, go for him, fight and give him another chance. If not, try to relax and calm down and make a decision but NOT in the heat of the argument. Nothing good happens when we are impulsive or anxious. Talk to God, talk to your heart, follow what you think it is the RIGHT thing to do right now. You are not alone. There are LOTS of people going thru the same, I, myself, went thru a similar event like yours and I survived, thanks to my faith in the Lord and in my determination.
I will pray for you. Take care and good luck.
2006-09-20 14:28:54 · answer #3 · answered by Ms.Cook 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well a similar situation happened to me the only couple of differences were 1. we were married 2. we had 3 children and I was pregnant with number 4 and 3. he was sleeping with the entire town. He continued to say he loved me didn't' want to divorce me (it actually took me 3 years to get a divorce because he told the judge continuously that he wanted to work things out.) he forgot to show up for court one day and the judge granted the divorce. The best way to get over him is to hate him. I mean really hate him think of anything and everything bad he ever did to you and read it ever day the more you hate him the easier it gets to get over him. I know it hurts and I know hate is a horrible word but it really was the only way to get over him. Now I can forgive him and forget but I still despise him for what he has done to my children they don't understand why he doesn't come and see them its been years and he hasn't called them or written them anything so that makes me remember everyday why it would never work again.
2006-09-20 14:22:37 · answer #4 · answered by susan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you are doing the right thing by getting in to seek professional help.I can imagine this is a very stressful situation and one nobody deserves.Even though you feel like you have done something wrong, just remember you did nothing to cause this.This guy is selfish and wrong to abandon you and his unborn child.How can he say he loves you when he walked out on you when you needed him the most?you need to ask yourself if this guy is worth feeling like this the rest of your life.Until you get rid of him you will continue to feel this way and you have so much more to your life than needing to worry about a jerk like that.Take care of yourself and that baby and you will be much better off.
2006-09-20 14:28:14 · answer #5 · answered by kitty kat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As difficult as it is, I don't think he's the man for you. Find a family law attorney so the man can be tracked down for child support.
You didn't do anything wrong. It's not you, it's him. It seems like he is running away from the responsibility of a child, but a lawyer or your state family welfare agency will take care of that.
Sounds like you're better off without him.
2006-09-20 14:17:05 · answer #6 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get on with life.!!.A man who leaves a women isnt a man that love's you.You will end up unhappy for the rest of your life you dont do something about it!..You can do better then him you have kid's he doesnt participate in their live's.Thats not what i call a man.That's a idiotic paedophile.With no sence in love or life.That's a relationship with no trust.I know id be the same if i were in your shoe's,but everyone giving you advice and support you gotta trust,because you dont wanna be miserable and unhappy till you pass away!!Leave his *** he doesnt deserve you ......Much love to you and your family hope is well!!..
2006-09-20 15:39:21 · answer #7 · answered by Lovemykids 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your story remains mine one ....He left me for someone else then he did not care about me, I almost had a heart attack by having the stress the anxiety and the depression, how difficult times they were, he came back and asked me to forgive him, the fact is that if I take him back he would hurt me even more and I am not sure I would be able to take it, I can forgive him and have him back anytime , but he left me on the hardest times of my life and if God had tought me a way to survive why should I go back to the past to feel sick again because he will never change and if I forgive him now , he will do me worse, do not look at the past it is such a difficult thing to do, but you can not dye by loving and life will teach you the way to deal life in the future now your life belongs to your children ...Do not cry for him, save the tears for your children for your life and for the future, I read once tears are pearls and we never throw pearls to pigs , it is an expression hoping you could understand it and see future with hope ...I am still on the road where I do not know what is going to happen but If I do not take this road I could have regret it all my life wondering of what would have been if I would have do this or that....good luck and a kiss for you and children
2006-09-20 14:22:46 · answer #8 · answered by Yami 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow honey I feel for you. <<< please don't take that statement the wrong way. It was nothing you did unless you left something out above. He's not worth it if he's like that! Don't stress out about it. You have a wonderful joy in your life now. Your daughter loves you. And I know there are guys out there in the world that you take in a wonderful woman with a child. I have a guy friend like that. Let him go. It's his loss not yours! ;)
2006-09-20 14:20:14 · answer #9 · answered by VMG 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey
hes a man that is all there is too it dont give it to much thought if he really loves you he will come back if he dosent then you know hes not right for you its always worked for me i wish you the best of luck and a very good day
2006-09-20 14:16:15 · answer #10 · answered by pami 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋