Spoiled by Grandparents ???

Question

My 5 year old is very spolied and goes to his great- grandparents house twice a week to visit, but they give him everything he wants and spoil him. The problem is he doesnt want to listen to me, because he thinks they will give him what he wants..He gets a smart mouth and says Granny will get it for me then.... .I also have a 1 yr old but he doesnt go with him all the time, my oldest things all attention she be on him when he gets home. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help his behavior?? Does grounding him from going over there sound like a good idea?

Well i have talked to them ~ but i still want him to see them , he still goes overther 2-3 times a week. I explained my rules , but they give him mtn. dew , 5 yoohoos at a time and like 3 honey buns , they have always told me how i should raise him, and dont pay attention to my other son as much..

Answer 1

You cant keep him from seeing his grandparents. Make it perfectly clear to him that your rules are the way things are. Try talking to his grandparents, and explain to them the difficulty that you are having, and you believe that it is the best interest of the child that you guys work together. The other day I say a T-shirt that says it all. "I wouldn't be so spoiled if someone would spank my grandma!" Good luck.

Answer 2

Do not ground him because that will give him a bad perception of what is going. Going to Grandparents house should be a treat. As children get older their preferences changes and who they chose to spend their "free time" with changes. When my sons were littlier they preferred going to the grandparents house because they got spoiled. Now that they are older they prefer to spend time with their friends. They call grandparents all the time and want to go visit but not to spend the night all the time. One of my grandparents has recently passed away and having grandchildren around help in the grieving process and is still helping. Grandparents have had to be the strong disciplinarians for years and now that it is the parents responsibility. Grandparents can spend the time with grandchildren doing things that bring a smile to both the child and the grandparent. Those smiles are all worth it. Pick your battles wisely when it comes to taking important things away from children. I would tell my sons that they would not be able to go my parents house if they did not clean up their room. Try something like that and see how that works.

Answer 3

While I think it is important for him to see his great grandparents perhaps it would be wise to lessen the frequency, or do it when you can supervise. I have very intrusive in laws with the candy and whole 9 yards. But, we now try to see them at restaurants, where the children will be eating, and not stuffing their faces with candy. Or, at other events. I also do not let them spend much unattended time with them, because of the craziness and problems. You are the parent, you set the rules. You are a grown up now, and your kids are really more important at this point. I am sure you don't want to disappoint grandma and grandpa, but you have to put your family and kids first, and if that means offending grandma, or only sending your son there once every other week, so be it. I have also told my in laws to cool it with the candy, when they don't, I take it away from my kids (I am not dealing with a sick kid because of their overindulgence). But, again, I am there to supervise. They have learned, and they are coping with my rules, although I know they don't love them.

I know it is hard to make waves, but this is your kids. And this is too much stress in your life!

Answer 4

If you are really truly concerned about your child's well being then you need to keep him away from the grandparent's for a while. Maybe the grandparent's will see the consequences of their actions as well. Trust me, I am going through the same thing and my son has done a complete 180 since we have stopped going over there all of the time.

Answer 5

First, you need to understand it's not your child's problem, it's the grandparents. They have to be on the same page as you or they can undermine your ability to be a good parent. This doesn't mean they can't spoil him a little, but it means they have to respect your rules....so if you have a rule such as no sweets before dinner, they can't give her sweets - period. But let them bring something for later..... You need to have a talk with them and set down the rules - if they can't live by them, then your child won't visit them without you to supervise and you will make sure your rules are enforced. This may be difficult, but it's the only way to regain control of your child.

Answer 6

I have had the same problem that you are having with your son. My son and I lived with my parents until he was about 5, and so they and my son, thought that they could have their own rules and mine didnt count for anything. I would never think of not letting my parents see him, so I firmly told them what I thought and kinda fibbed and told them that if they couldnt follow my rules then he wouldnt get to come over anymore and they would have to visit him only at my house. So, my parents started respecting me and realizing that I was the parent and sometimes they just had to deal with my rules. I dont think grounding him would work because he is 5, and he is really just going along with what they say, even if he kinda knows he shouldnt be. Maybe you just need to sit down and talk to him about it and tell him he wont be able to visit them if he continues to do that things that are against the rules. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Its only once a week so let them spoil him. If your concerned about him eating too muck junk food tell them to give him healthier food. Tell them that soft drink makes him mis behave, I did that with my son's grandparents who didnt believe me until they had the boys stay over there one night,they were so wired up the grandparents couldnt get hem to eat their proper dinner or go to sleep. The next morning when I picked them up the granparents were totally exhausted,that showed them. Maybe you should try something like that. The problem with grandparents is they only see the good not the bad,Teach them a lesson,then they might listen to you.

Answer 8

Say nothing to him, but definately talk to the grandparents. Tell them that you will have to curb his visits if they cannot follow your simple rules. Be sure and add how much you do not want that to happen, because you honestly recognize the value of their relationship with him, but it's becoming a problem at home.

If they really just can't seem to follow the rules and dampen their enthusiasm over him, then you probably will have to follow through with that. It's sad, but you have to do what's best for your son and your family.

Answer 9

Believe me, i know what I am saying when I say this: the grandparents don't really understand when you say, "Don't spoil the kid!" To them, they simply love the child and want to see him happy and that (what it is that they do) is their way of doing it, and they have forgotten they were once parents, with concerns about behaviour and character formation. Grandparents simply give love, and that's that. They may shout, "Don't do that!" now and then to show they are disciplining the kid. But otherwise they haven't a clue as to what you mean when you say, "Don't spoil the kid!" Reaction: "Me? Spoil the kid? How?"

So, unless you can describe in detail what you mean, and give examples, they are not going to comply with your wishes.

"Don't give him sweets every time he asks for it."

"Don't take him to the park when it near to feeding time, or he gets cranking and hungry and then too tired to eat properly."

"Don't keep putting nappies on him. We are trying to potty train him. Make him sit on his potty."

"Don't say things like, If Daddy doesn't give you, come, grandma will give you!"

"Don't tell me that you tried to train me in the same way when I was young and it didn't work, so there is no point trying to do it to my kid!"

"Don't pick him up at once when he is crying and screaming on the floor! Just let him lie there and then say, "Enough?" when he stops crying. Don't switch on the TV unless he behaves again."

"Don't let him watch Spongebob and Squarepants. It is so crude and violent and disgusting. Even Walt Disney is disgusting - what's that about Clarabelle Cow trying to kill Goofy while trying to seduce him at the same time? Sicko! Just keep to Bing and Bong, Backyardigans, Elmo and Mr Noodle, and Pingu and Pokoyo. I don't care if he refuses to watch these. Just don't change channels!"

"No, don't buy him another TV to watch while I look at my share prices scrolling by. He can jolly well learn to wait!"

"I know I was worst than the kid when I was his age. That was YOUR problem, Mother, but now THIS is My problem!"

"I don't believe that he can't sleep because the night light is shining in his eyes! I want it on. No, MOTHER, it is NOT a fire hazard."

"Don't say again, "How can you train him to be well-mannered when you are now so rude to YOUR mother?" It just makes me feel totally paralysed. I have a job to do, and you are not helping!"

"Oh, MOTHER! Leave me to make my own mistakes with my kids, same as you made your mistakes with us! We will all survive somehow!"

ENUFF SAID.

Answer 10

Perhaps you should have a talk with the grandparents. They probably aren't aware of the problems that their overindulgence has created. If they are and don't seem to want to help solve the problem then you need to limit the child's time with them.