Terrible Two's?

Question

My son isn't quite two yet, he's 19 months. He throws these really big fits, screams at the top of his lunges and throws himself down on the floor. Most of the time I don't even know why it's not always because he had something taken away or because he was told no. He's still not talk so I know he get's frustrated when he can't communicate what he wants. But that doesn't mean I should allow him to get away with throwing these fits right? Usually I put him in his bed until he calms down and then will let him back. He doesn't communicate quite yet and so I can't really talk to him quite yet. My daughter was easier she started talking faster so this is a bit newer. Does anyone have any other suggestions on how to handle this behavior?

Thanks for all the suggestions so far. But I can't use atime out chair at this point. I put him in his bed because he can't get out of it. He was premature so he's a bit behind although he's 19 months he where my daughter was when she was 12 months as far as his verbal and communication skills. If you're a parent you know what I mean you know your kid and what they do and don't understand. He's not capable of understanding that he has to sit in one spot and not get up. I have tried ignoring him but he screams so loud he disturbs everybody else in the house as well and then he will get up in your face if you try to ignore it and throw his hands in the air. He's got his fathers temper that's for sure.

Oh yes, no tv. My kids don't have any electronics in their room. He's in a crib so he can't get to his toys he can't get off the bed at all. He's not quite ready for a toddler bed.

He is a good sleeper though. when I say it's bed time he grabs his blanky and goes in there. He and his sister will make noises back and forth for a few minutes and then he goes right to sleep. No problems there. I think he knows the difference between bed time and a time out so to speak. I turn the light out when it's bed time and give him kisses and hugs when he's in trouble I just put him in there and tell him I will be back when he calms down.

Answer 1

While he may not yet be able to use words to talk to you he does understand your words to him. Obviously you can't communicate with him when he's screaming. Try to talk to him before it gets to screaming. When he is having a tantrum walk away from him till he is ready to deal with you. you are right to give him a time out to gain composure. We as adults even need that. We have to walk away from things before we can deal with it. Make a point to tell him after the fact why you walked away or put him in bed. that you can't help him when he's screaming.

Answer 2

First try taking him to the doctor. There might be a underlying issue that you haven't discovered yet. If he's otherwise a healthy, normal child keep things as predictable as you can with routines and punishment. Reward go a long way, too. Try to catch him when he's doing a great job at something and make a big deal about it. Its probably a attention seeking behavior, so make sure that when he does act out, don't pay attention to it or take him away from everything (but not for too long). My son was also that way at that age. He was very frustrated because his communication was later in coming. He still gets frustrated when we can't understand him or when he can't do something like building his Lego's. Patients, consistency, and routines. Maybe that will help. I know its harder to do that when you're in the midst of it all. Good luck.

Answer 3

Whatever you decide to do, be consistent.

Personally I would not make a big deal out of it. I wouldn't show any more distress and just do my best to be calm. The more attention toddlers get (positive or negative) for a particular behaviour the more they are likely to continue the behaviour.

My daughter was the same, she just turned two this past July. My first was also easier. So when she started throwing tantrums it was new to me. But as she (we) learned to communicate better the tantrums have lessened. Basically, we speak "toddler-ese" now. I listen and watch for helpful clues to see what the problem is about before she goes into a full blown tantrum.

Also, her tantrums get worse if she is overtired or hungry. So I try to make sure she is well fed, rested and watered (for lack of a better word).

Answer 4

Uhh... well it's definately a stage you'll need to work on. If he's not up to his communicating standards maybe you should find a daycare or something? a place where they can help him learn faster. Or you can take time aside and read to him, and do flashcards and tell him what they are... you know to stimulate his brain :) ... as far as the fits go... I'd ignore them... I babysat this 2yrs old... he would ALWAYS throw fits for no reason, pretty much to just get attention... so one day I decided to ignore it... he'd stop for a minute (kinda to check to see if I was paying attention which I made it look as if I wasn't) and then He'd CRY louder and what not... finally he gave up on it and moved past the ATTENTION getting stage... i mean yeah of course he still had lil tantrums but hey that's just any kid. A NORMAL kid anyways.. lol... If he's doing it because you said no to something... definately sit him down, and talk to him. yeah a two year old may not understand... but they'll get the hint, do something bad and mommy sits you down and talks, and so they may grow outta that stage... I dunno other than DON'T really pay any attention to the fits. Just let them roll... and maybe he'll outgrow them! Good luck... keep me posted... maybe I could learn something from ya! :)

*Re-Reading ppl's answers and I have to add this: I did use my couch as a TIME OUT spot for the kid I babysat. When he did something like hit or threw something I'd sit him down, shut the TV off, took all toys outta reach and let him sit for 2min. (Usually I go by age if he was 3 id' do 3min. and so on.. (within reason at least). Then I'd put the timer on the Microwave and tell him not to get up b4 it beeped... it took a while before he really understood what I wanted him to do, and then I'd sit with him after his time-out and ask him Y he did it... he'd always say SORRY sues... lol.. too cute, but yeah I'd tell him what he did wrong in as lil words as possible so he'd understand and sure enough that does work! GOOD LUCK again. :)

Answer 5

yep, the terrible two's last a couple years! my daughter just turned 2 but she acted that way for several months before : )

just ignore him, if you give him any attention when he's like that you're just reinforcing the behavior

your standard of putting him in bed seems ok but I just want to make sure you put him in his room (with no TV I hope or unplug it) and leave him alone there, don't sit with him, just ignore him, he may just need a nap and will cry himself to sleep if so

as far as the talking goes, you're a little late, but it's always worth a shot . . . I taught my daughter some sign language as soon as she was sitting up on her own and starting solids (~6 months). I started with "eat" and it was at least 6 months (just before her 1st b-day) that she finally understood what I was doing and started signing herself. She stopped throwing fits when she was hungry cause she just did the sign and I knew she was ready to eat or wanted more. After that she picked up on all the other signs I taught her very quickly. It really helped the communication frustration!!!

he understands most everything you tell him and he definately knows what he wants/needs, he's just frustrated that he can't make you understand him, try the sign language, it will at least give him a little comfort that he can communicate some things with you

do a search for Baby Signs, I found a little cheat sheet online with simple words like "eat" "drink" "milk" as well as animals, clothing and other everyday things

good luck and just remember that he'll grow out of this stage . . . eventually . . .

Answer 6

My daughters ped's doc said not to use the bedroom as a punishment. I put her on a chair used only for time out's. I also would give her the words to try to figure out what was wrong. For example I would ask her if she was mad or sad or if she was frustrated. I knew she understood when I talked to her so it helped. I know she is a girl and they do talk sooner than boys but you might give that a shot. Good Luck

Answer 7

Actually, unless they are trying to hit, bite or throw toys at someone the best thing is to ignore them when they do it. Putting them in their bed for time out is not a good idea because then when it is time for bed they will think they are being punished.

Answer 8

We used a time out chair, it was used only for time out. Since he is so young, maybe just a minute in the chair or until he calms down. I would explain why they had to go in the time out chair, and what they had to do to keep out of the time out chair. I had two girls though and they picked up really quickly on how to keep out of the time out chair. I know boys are different so maybe this doesn't help....

Answer 9

Be consistent. Keep putting him in his bed or a naughty spot and he'll eventually stop once he knows that's not allowed. Good luck.

Answer 10

I agree with Ryan's mom 100%