Help.. I think my friend is anorexic.. what can I do?

Question

Please help me! Recently, everyone at achool has been asking me about my friend Sarah. We've just started year 11. She has lost a load of weight.. from a size 14 to a size 8 in about 5 months max. She's always saying how cold she is, and she doesn't look well. Her eyes are dark.. She counts calories in everything and I don't know what to do. I'm really worried about her. Lots of people have been asking me what's wrong with her, and I don't know what to tell them. She is very pale, and always tired. She has fairly dry skin which when touched, takes a long time to change back from white to regular colour. I've spoken to her parents and sister.. and they say they are watching her, but they can't know she doesn't eat at school. She never eats breakfast or lunch, and I only ever see her drink diet sodas. I've mentioned it to the school health teacher, but I don't know what's going to happen. What can I do to help? I can't lose our friendship. Please help a worried friend.. Charlene L x

Answer 1

First of all, I think it's great that you're worried - you're definitely a good friend.

Second of all, you CAN'T worry about your friendship right now. Sarah definitely sounds like she's anorexic (I'm a recovering anorexic myself), which means she's sick - in her head as well as her body. If you try to make her get help, she's going to be angry with you, hands down. I was furious with my best friend when she started making me eat at lunchtime. But you know what? Eventually she forced me to get help, and we're closer than ever now. I could've died without her, and knowing that she stuck by me NO MATTER WHAT really made me realize I had someone worth keeping as a friend, and a "sister." You have to face the fact that she might be angry with you - and you have to realize that what's really angry with you is her sickness, not Sarah herself. She might think you're trying to make her "fat," or that you don't really care. But when she's gotten the help she clearly needs, she'll realize that what you did, you did because you care for her.

You need to talk to Sarah's mother again, Charlene. Explain to her everything you've said here. Try to talk to her when Sarah's not around, so you're not pressured by her presence. And make it VERY CLEAR why you're worried, and that there's definitely something to be worried about. DO NOT let her brush you off. If that means being in her face, then get in her face. Get your mother to talk to her, if you have to. Anorexia can be life-threatening. Speak again with your health teacher, and the school nurse if you have one. Speaking with your school's guidance counselor would also be a good idea. Sarah is going to need a LOT of support, so make sure you're there for her, too, and make it clear to her that you're not giving up on her, that you're friends no matter what.

Being anorexic is like being in one of those "fun houses" at the fair, the ones that have all the mirrors in them. They're dark, and they can be scary, and everything is distorted. You look at yourself and don't see yourself as you really are. I still remember looking in the bathroom mirror, counting my ribs, and then getting on the scale and realizing I was over 125 pounds. I skipped dinner that night because I was "fat." (I was, in fact, ten pounds underweight.)

Surround Sarah with people who can help her! Talk to clergy, her parents, your parents. Realize that she might need more help than you can give, and that it's NOT your fault. Take care of yourself, too - you won't be able to help her if you're letting yourself get run down. Pray for her - sometimes that's your most powerful weapon.

If you need someone to talk to, you're welcome to email me (my email's the same as my Answers username). Like I said, I've walked that path. I'll be praying for you and your friend both.

God Bless
Nina

Answer 2

I can't really add much to what living_in_a_bell_jar had to say, except that if YOU need someone to talk to about how you're feeling you could always try ringing Childline - 0800 11 11. While you are being a great friend and putting a lot of time and energy into trying to get her some help and support you may find that you need some support as well. Whatever happens it's not going to change overnight. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Try to understand what is going on in her mind. Does she idolising anyone? Is she preparing for a career that warrants woman with low MBI (ex; modelling).
Have a serious discussion with your friend and tell her about the consequences of low weight.
If she is still not convinced, consult a adolescent psychiatrist.

Answer 4

It sounds like you are doing all you can do. Have you talked to yur friend aslo? Just continue to express your concern to the adults, and be sure to tell them about her school habits. Maybe, aslo talk to the guidance counselor at school. Keep being her friend, and encourage her to eat healthy.

Answer 5

you sound like a great friend and you have done all the right things i can think off just try to encourage her to eat more if you can and reasure her you wil be always there for her.i believe your doing the best thing you can keep it up i hope she will be ok.

Answer 6

you sound like a good friend. she does sound like she has a problem, but i bet if u asked her if she was anorexic she would deny it, most anorexics dont think they have a problem. tell her that you are woried about her, maybe in time she will realise she has a problem then start changing her ways. it is a long process though so be patient

Answer 7

it's a good thing you asked for help. You better persuade her to eat or she might die. She thinks she is fat. but you know how girls are. they always think they are fat. you should try talking to her. or talk to her parents. you dont want to let her end up being like nicole richie or lindsay lohan or hilary duff

Answer 8

You.ve done everythign right.. and now it's up to the adults to do something... keep a bug in their ear about what you see...

Answer 9

i wish more people had friends like you, speak to her parents and family, she wil thank you in the long run

Answer 10

if it was me i'd see this as a good opportunnity to eat all her food!