My mother is 50, I am 25 and married with no children.
My wife and I own a house that we are happy with and its big enough for the two children we hope to have one day.
We are planning to try for our first baby soon and my mother has decided it would be a good idea to live together!
She has suggested several times that we sell our house and buy another one with a guest house or granny flat so she can live with us.
She said she could be our nanny for our future children!!
My mother is overbearing and needy because I am the only child and she hasn't been in a relationship for 10 years. She almost wants me to take care of her like a husband should.
There's no way this is going to happen! How do I get her to understand I am not going to have two wives?!
My wife said she wants to be a wife and mother without my mother trying to take over our household.
Am I horrible for not wanting to live with her?
Are you married and live with your parents or in-laws?
2006-09-20 11:14:43 · 8 answers · asked by HappyHippo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i have lived with my parents before with my kids and i have lived with my in-laws before with my kids and it just dont work because you want to raise your kids the way you want to and they try to push thier ideas on you and try to raise them a different way...your not a horrible person for not wanting your mom to live with you but maybe in this way she is just saying that she cant handle the rent where she is or she wants to be a part of your life more and she wants to make sure that she is involved with your future children...a good way to let her go down easily is let her know that you are understanding where she is comming from but also you have needs and that you will be involved in her life but you cant allow her to live with you...maybe she just wants to live closer to you try ask her about that and if she has finacial ability then she can look into the other places that are near and concider buying one just so she is closer but she is not there...try look at other options too...theres something to think about...
2006-09-20 11:38:09 · answer #1 · answered by mytedominatrix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you've already figured out the problem with your mother. You are not horrible for not wanting her to live with you. She shouldn't. However, I am a very big supporter of the extended family. If she truly wants to watch the children (once you have them) let her! Hello - free babysitting! You'll appreciate that $30 or so per day that you would have spent on a babysitter. Plus, I firmly believe it is important for a child to grow up with his/her extended family. It makes them more socialble.
But you're definitely right about your mother moving in; it is a bad idea. Maybe you could suggest other things she could do with her spare time. It sounds like she needs to find some interests of her own instead of being obsessed with her son's life.
2006-09-20 11:19:07 · answer #2 · answered by kimilou2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being unreasonable. Try talking with your Mom, it's possible she's just lonely. Try finding some senior activities that she might be able to become involved with. Or maybe she would like to volunteer and help others. She might just have extra energy and nowhere to place it. Maybe you can have a family night and arrange for her to come over for a casual dinner and watch a movie or play a board game. It make her feel a bit more wanted and a part of family - plus she'll go home at the end of the evening.
2006-09-20 11:26:20 · answer #3 · answered by OohLaLa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be hell just to let you know...I know she is your mom but your married and she is healthy so there is no need for her to live with you. Your not horrible at all. You deserve a life too. I will never live with my in laws even if i was dead broke.
2006-09-20 11:18:10 · answer #4 · answered by shyhonney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH HELL NO!!!! I don't think it's good for a relationship to have anyone live with you! If my mother in law lived here... there would be LOTS of issues!!!
2006-09-20 11:17:48 · answer #5 · answered by ITALYGIRL_31 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are well within your right to say NO!
And I recommend that you say NO!
Send her some money each month, if you can afford it
But do not have her live with you, the cost will not be calculable
2006-09-20 11:17:44 · answer #6 · answered by drsteve362005 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
your mum needs friends. unless she's really ill and poorly, she needs to stay on her own. tell her you need your own space to get by in but that you'll always be there for her. Good heavens!!
2006-09-20 11:19:40 · answer #7 · answered by Wisdom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
didn't read your story too long- but it's a bad idea it will not work(you and your wife will have problems)
2006-09-20 11:16:42 · answer #8 · answered by gabby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋