I lost a perfectly healthy boy 10 yrs ago he was born too early,i want to try again but my partner who i am solid with after 18 years says he doesn't want to go through that again.the problem is i do.it nearly split us up 2 yrs ago but i promised i would drop the subject & I did but .....the thought is never far away.HELP:
2006-09-20 10:47:13 · 24 answers · asked by sonny 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Oh hunny I am so sorry that you went through this. Nobody on here can answer that question for you really. Your partner is clearly afraid (as you probably are too) and understandably so, however if you truly want to have a child then I suggest taking him with you to an OB or pregnancy counselor to talk about giving it another try so you can both consider the risks together. Maybe hearing good things from a doctor can help change his mind if it is at all possible.
2006-09-20 10:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by static_tabbie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey...you are in one tough situation.
Normally I would say walk away, find someone whose life goals better match yours, etc etc, but you have invested close to 20 years in this man. That is far too much time to just leave.
I think the question that begs to be asked is: Why are you guys not married after 18 years together? Are you living in the same household? What are your circumstances? Was the first baby planned?
Listen, no woman who truly wants a child should be denied one. Allowing yourself to go without a child and "drop the subject" of something you want so badly is going to serve no purpose but cause you to resent your partner and that will ultimately damage the relationship. It would be a crying shame to see the relationship fall apart due to your desire to be a mother, only to find that it lasted a bit too long for you to be able to become one naturally.
You say that your partner doesn't want to go through the possibility of losing a baby again. If you adopt a child, you will be in no danger of the child dying during pregnancy or being stillborn. The part that your partner fears never has to be encountered. Or you can look into adopting an older child. I'm sure there are some adoption agencies out there that WILL adopt out to unmarried couples. This way you will find out for sure whether it is miscarriage your partner fears or he just does not want to be a dad.
There is always getting pregnant on the sly and keeping your fingers crossed that he sticks around. It sounds terrible, but the love of a child is worth losing the love of any man. Best of luck to you honey. Keep us posted.
2006-09-20 18:02:41 · answer #2 · answered by A.R. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a father of 2 premee's 1 23 weeker and 1 30 weeker. We were lucky and they survived. Now from a guy's point of view you have to understand that this is how a man thinks when it comes to love and family. " If it is broke, I will fix it. If it is Hurt, I will make it better, If you are sad I will make you happy, If somebody hurt you or my child I Will Kill it." We want to feel like we have some form of control of every situation. And in this situation all you can do is beg for help. Now, I myself am 6'5 and 270 lbs and I felt of myself as the protecter of my family. As soon as our 23 weeker was born she had no chance of surviving. All I could do was stand there and pray. I was absolutely useless, nothing I could do could fix it, or make it better (i thought), or really anything I could do to protect it. And you just stand there. With no control of the situation. All I did was touch and talk to my baby and lucky she pulled through but I tell you. He felt like a failure. And he doesn't want that feeling again. He is scared, maybe what you should do is find a good OBGYN and see if they can figure out what the cause of your babys prematurity was and if the doc can show what they can do to help lower the risk of it happening again he will feel better. What he needs is to feel he has some control in the safety of his partners emotional health and the babies health. Trust me, the first time he hears an "I Love You Daddy." It will be worth it.
2006-09-20 18:11:15 · answer #3 · answered by Jim 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you get any diagnosis of why he was born too early?
Or was it simply bad luck?
If the former, then hopefully you have some advice on if the problem is likely to recurr.
If the latter, then it's very unlikely it would happen again.
Therefore, it is very unlikely that your partner would have to "go through that again". Is that the real reason he doesn't want to try again.
Was it the loss of the baby, or the strain of supporting you through your grief that he had difficulty dealing with.
I'm sure it was harder for you than for him, so if you can do it, he should be able to.
2006-09-20 17:59:43 · answer #4 · answered by Hairyloon 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How sad for you- not having a child if you really feel it would make your life complete - it must;ve been awful for you losing the baby- this time the medical team would take extra care with you- sometimes these things just happen for no reason - it seems a shame to miss out on a new life because of a "what if"- talk to your partner again
2006-09-20 18:04:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in a sad situation and must make a tough decision. If you want a baby that badly, you will have to break off with your partner. Don't get accidentally pregnant hoping your partner will change. Honor your partner's desires to not have a child, but honor your own desires and do the only action: split and get pregnant on your own, if you have to.
Some people never recover from tragedies.
2006-09-20 17:56:24 · answer #6 · answered by hawkthree 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have had 3 early miscarriages, almost lost our son 2 years ago due to being born 11 weeks early, and lost a baby girl last month at 21 weeks due to Incompetent Cervix, and my husband and I are scared, but we plan on trying again in Feb...we are giving ourselves 6 months. If you attend church both of you need to sit down and talk to your pastor, or you should seek couples counseling to help you both deal with this issue.
2006-09-20 17:54:22 · answer #7 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i lost a child due to problems with my womb and the fact that my body couldent handle pregnancy at the time, i want another child in future and so does my partener, ur paretner needs to realise that the chances of this horrible thing happening again are rare and maybe he should seek help to talk about his grief with someone who is not emotionally connected to what happened, it is hard for the mother and father of the child, my partener and i r still grieving and i dont believe we will ever stop i think that we will just learn to cope with our loss and that is what ur partner needs to learn how to do before u even consider trying again. i hope everything goes well for the both of u good luck xx
2006-09-20 20:23:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you two are no longer compatible..In the end one of you will get your way and the other will be unhappy about it.. IF this a requirement for you then you should look into breaking away from this partner and hopefully meet someone who ismore on your wavelength on this subject.
If you are unwilling to do this..then you need to make a decision to behappy with your current situation and not focus on the what ifs.
2006-09-20 17:56:14 · answer #9 · answered by limgrn_maria 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the chances of this happening again is rare, i understand you want to have another baby, if you had a baby now and there were problems after the birth then you may get better care as medically there are advancements,you need to talk to your doctor or midwife and make them aware of the last pregnancy also had your doctor any idea why you lost your baby? if there is a reason there may be help available, i hope you get through this,,
2006-09-20 18:04:46 · answer #10 · answered by mam26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋