Money dance?

Question

Okay, so before any of you start bashing me, just know that I think this is tacky.

I have only been to one wedding before where this was done, and I felt entirely pressured into dancing with the groom (as nice as it was to spend time with my cousin!). I was also embarrassed because I didn't come prepared with cash!

However, the wedding that I am planning is not mine, but my daughter's, and she's as broke as they come, poor thing! She wants to have the money dance, in order to get some money for her honeymoon (which they won't be able to take right after the wedding). So, I'm going along with it.

Here's my question: Is there a not-so-tacky way to let our guests know to expect this, so that they won't be surprised, as I was?

To clarify, I'm in CA. Again, of all of the weddings I have been to in my life, this has only come up once.

Thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts and suggestions!

Ummm, yeah, I have also NEVER been to any wedding that had a Hokey Pokey or a Chicken Dance.

These may be traditional for some, but not in our family or circle of friends. I guess this is the sticky spot...For those who would be expecting it, they wouldn't think it's tacky...For those who don't consider it traditional, it's tacky.

More great input...thanks everyone!

FYI, they are already planning on pushing out the honeymoon until they can afford something decent.

Additionally, they are nowhere near being "more concerned with getting...money" than they are celebrating their wedding.

I also think it's very interesting that one of these answerers feels that it's tacky to have a money dance, but is totally okay with sending out a "registry card"...A little hypocritical, if you ask me, but according to these answers, everyone has a different perspective!

Oh, and yeah...I don't have money to give her...I can barely afford her dress, so it's not that I'm being stingy.

Answer 1

Not really. If the majority of the guests are familiar with the money or dollar dance, then they will know what to expect. If the majority aren't, then there is no polite way to clue them in. Mentioning the word money will be tacky and greedy to any more traditional guests who share your views.

The only wedding I've ever been to where the couple had the money dance, the DJ announced "This is for the men who want to dance with the bride" and then the next dance was the same, but with "ladies" and "groom" instead of men and bride. There was no mention of money, but they each had a small satin bag on their wrists for the "donations." The groomsmen were first in line for the bride's dance, and the bridesmaids were the first in line to dance with the groom. That way the other guests saw the men/ladies giving money before the dance. If they choose to contribute, then they have an exapmple to go by. If not, they can quietly sit down without feeling like they are being rude or stingy.

For the people who are familiar with the dance, they probably already have the money in hand. The people that don't know about it can make a choice without any pressure to give money.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Okay I don't know where anyone else lives but in NJ where I have been to 15 weddings I have never seen the money dance. Its very tacky! I can't believe people even consider it. There's no classy way to place it on the invitation because its not classy!

If your daughter wants to get money for her honeymoon, she should set up a honeymoon registry. Try www.weddingchannel.com or do a search for honeymoon registries. That way she will know before the wedding how much she has for the honeymoon-no last minute guessing.

I also wouldn't try the wishing well thing. Instead there should be an area where guests drop off the gifts and a guestbook but don't put any signs where the guests think the couple expect gifts or cards.

Answer 3

First of all, where do you come from, because where I am from (NY state) that is done all the time. I had one at mine, my sister had one at hers, and I have sang in over a hundred weddings, and never been to one that didn't have the money dance. There isn't anything tacky about it. Here it is actually called the dollar dance, however, people get very generous when there is an open bar or alcohol available so we wound up with over five hundred dollars for ours. Depending on where you are, something like this should be expected :~() If I were you, have an itinerary of sorts made up, you know like a program. When people come to the wedding ceremony at the church, have it handed out as if you would with Sunday sermon. In it, put everything, from the saying of the vows to the music, right into the reception. Right in there you can show where the bride and groom will have their first dance, father and bride will dance for the first time, bride will throw bouqet, groom will throw garter, and after all of the above, the money dance will follow dinner (or appetizers, whatever is being served). That way no one will be surprised, and most people will look it over during the ceremony and can stop at an ATM on their way to the reception:) Good luck, and I hope this helped. Tell your daughter that prayers are with her for a long, loving properous marriage.

Answer 4

You really should not worry what people will think of you, because that's what this is all about. Besides it is not your wedding. This should be entirely up to the bride and groom. I also live in California and have only been to weddings where this is done. In fact, I went to a very beautiful wedding in pacific Palisades where the Eisners (DISNEY) were present and the couple did the money dance, everyone seemed to like it. It's only a dollar and no one is obligated. It's a tradition in Latin Countries, where by the way the wedding party foots the entire wedding/honeymoon bill and most harmless/fun traditions seem to spread throughout the world. Have a beautiful day and don't worry about this small part of the reception.

Answer 5

Ok, so you do realize that this is a bit tacky, but I understand the idea. If you feel that you have to do this, I would suggest "selling" it to your guests as more of a -Shot Dance- not a Money Dance. Have guests pay a dollar, take a shot of liquor (and have some sparkling cider or soda for the non-drinkers), then dance with the couple for a brief time. Guests shouldn't have to pay for anything at a wedding, including the honor of dancing with the bride or groom, but if you couple it with a shot of alcohol - they won't feel so short changed.
The only way to let guests know about this ahead of time is to make sure the DJ lets them know at the reception ("and later we will be...") and through word of mouth.
All this being said, let me suggest that she try a different approach all together. What about registering for a honeymoon? Have her register at www.thebigday.com or at another similar site - that way she gets the honeymoon of her dreams and she doesn't get 800 ugly placemats for wedding gifts. Also, through word of mouth - you can politely tell guests that ask what she wants for a gift - that money would be most useful.
Good luck.

Answer 6

I don't think having a money dance is rude. When I have seen the money dance done, it's been regarded by guests as a funny ritual - and no one feels "obligated" to do it - it's more of a joke - and it's not like you can't dance with the bride or the groom during another song for free. To do it or not do it is really a question of taste - if you feel that it is a tacky tradition, then don't have it, but if you think it would be fun, then go for it!

Answer 7

Weddings are not fundraisers. Neither are dollar dances.

Money dances are for tiny little bit of token, well-wishing money. They should be brief, lighthearted, optional activities where guests bring a dollar up to dance, not $20 a head or anything crazy, and guests should not be GUILTED into it either, by a bride announcing that she can't afford a honeymoon.

No, there is no polite way to announce it ahead of time. People either have a dollar to participate with, or they don't.

Please do not be one of those families that take a nice sentimental wedding custom and make it tacky and crude. Do you want your daughter to be remembered as a GRACIOUS bride, or a GIMMEE bride?

She does not need a honeymoon. Polite people live as they can afford to live, and that means not planning celebrity-style weddings and honeymoons they can't afford, and then trying to get others to foot the bill.

Didn't it make you feel badly, when they PRESSURED you to participate in someone's dollar dance? Why would you want to make others feel that way?

Furthermore, this is an ethnic custom. Is it, or is it not, a custom for your family?

Answer 8

First of all, the wedding should be about what the bride and groom want and choose and the other close relatives or friends who are planning the wedding or helping pay for the wedding.

Having said that....a money dance is not tacky. It actually is traditional. I haven't been to too many dances that didn't have one. I have probably been to about 20 weddings in my lifetime so far and over half of them, proabably 3/4 have had a money dance.

In my opinion, you should plan on having the money dance. Whether or not you notify all of the guests or not is up to you. I would see no reason to notify them. Most men and women bring purses/ wallets to weddings. By no means should there be pressure into dancing wih every single guest.


Additional Comments: A money dance a.k.a. "Dollar Dance" is just as traditional as the Hokey Pockey or the Chicken Dance.

Congrats! Hope you have a wonderful wedding and wish the newlyweds enternal happiness.

Answer 9

I have been to many weddings in my lifetime and it was only in the later years that I was 'introduced' to the dollar dance at a reception. I thought it was tacky at the time, and I still do. When you attend a wedding you are a guest of the couple. They have invited you to join them in celebration of their marriage. They should not ask for nor expect a gift. Above all they should not expect you to PAY for the privilage of dancing with them. I know this goes against what is accepted as the norm nowdays, but I still believe that if they cannot afford a honeymoon, they should forego it until they are able to save up for one. In my opinion there is no way to let guests know that there is to be a money dance without sounding greedy.

Answer 10

i can understand your predicament, in my culture the money dance is a customary thing so most of my guests will be familiar with it however my groom is not and neither is his side so im not totally sure how to approach it i feel that since my side is familiar i will allow them to partake and those that choose can follow suit.
Perhaps consider including a program at the reception that will involve stating the money dance maybe a little background about this dance why it is done etc and choose some clever music to accompany this tradition. In my culture weddings are a way for the community to gather and give to a young couple starting their lives and the favour is returned to all in the community. Great way for communities to give their young a chance especially with the high cost of living !!