he told me that he would stop smoking it and today i found a spoon under the sink, somthing told me to just look and i did and there it was, now i feel like crap cuz he promised me that he would stop and he has'nt what can i do for him besides leave him that is the last thing i want to do i love this man with all my heart and soul. im very much stuck between leaving him and loving him and being there for him. HELP PLEEEEEAAAASSSSEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-20 09:57:47 · 15 answers · asked by Isa L 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
As a woman who "helped" her addicted son for over 30 years, I can't tell you loud enough to leave now before you're broke and dragged down with him. He needs help, but not the kind you can give him.
2006-09-20 10:01:08 · answer #1 · answered by beez 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you stay with him, you are an enabler...drop him off at the nearest rehab and run. I turned my husband in after 10 years of living with him as a drinker. I should have done it a lot earlier, I realize now, but for many reasons, I did not. We are still together to this day and he says he "owes his life to me." However, our marriage was broken long before it was ever "fixed." I think I waited too long for a change without outside intervention. If you are married and want any hope of recovery, there's only one way. He has to want to stop, and sometimes a little push from you or a close loved one is all that's needed to jumpstart the process.
2006-09-20 11:12:05 · answer #2 · answered by Evil Wordmonger, LTD LOL 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh My oh My, My "X" was into Marijauina - smokin' dope... no matter what i said or did she just wouldn't quit. In fact you could say she Chose her Drug of Choice over me...
I would say if you want to live a Normal life or less stressful Don't walk RUN away from this man... If he's lied once he'll lie again and continue using!!! Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. You can surely find someone else Better or like me just being alone is better than putting up with a druggie!!!
Good Luck!!!
2006-09-20 10:22:23 · answer #3 · answered by Scott 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love this man, but you have to understand he has an addiction. He can love you as much as you love him, but you really have to understand what an addiction is. It cant be just stopped because you want him to. The addiction, not him, is the reason he is still using. He probably wants to stop doing it but he cant. People talk of you leaving him and ultimately thats what you may have to do. Before you get to that point though, sit him down and talk to him...dont lay any guilt trips on him...he has an addiction....he is sick....he needs professional help.
Find out if he really wants to stop his addiction. If he does, then there are plenty of places he can get help from. The only thing you can do is to support him...you cant make him stop no matter how much you love him and he loves you.
The first step is in him wanting to stop. The second step is to ring up a Drug and Alcohol Counselling Service....the third step and I firmly believe in Live-in Rehabilation Centres, is to get him booked in. Long term Rehabilitation Centres have the hightest rate of success.
The Salvation Army's Rehab Centres have the greatest rate of success. Even if he doesnt want to go to a Rehab, there are still plenty of places he can be helped.
The first thing is that he needs to want to stop. If he doesnt then I am afraid if you stay with him your life is going to be miserable. If he really does want to stop then he will take the necessary steps to stop his addiction.
Its a tough situation to be in, but there is hope. You love him and with the correct type of prefessional help, a lot of drug dependant people do end up clean and they do end up living a happy and healthy life. But the answer lies with his need to get clean.
2006-09-20 11:12:12 · answer #4 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make him go to a drug program. You say it's a dealbreaker so if that's the case he will have to comply or you will be getting divorced already. That said.... 1st of all it's just weed. Lighten up. 2nd of all I am rather suspicious of YOU. You just-so-happened to catch him smoking weed the day after you're married (or whenever it was)? YEAH RIGHT. I call ********. I say you knew all along and just played it cool... and the minute you tie the knot you say, "AH HAH! Gotcha'! And now that we're married you have to do what i say!" I would bet my next paycheck that's what you did. And since I think I am right- I say that's your fault. You should have busted him before the wedding. Oh well.... looks like another failed marriage because someone couldn't pull their head outta' their ****.
2016-03-17 23:20:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how long this has been going on. I'd leave him personally. No one is smoking anything in my home. But if there are years and years invested, tell him to get into a drug counseling program or you're gone.
2006-09-20 10:01:14 · answer #6 · answered by empress_pam 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's addicted. He may want to, but can't stop. And he may never change. You may love him, but that is not going to help.
If he doesn't enter drug treatment, you can kiss any hope of his being clean goodbye. And even if he does, the risk of a relapse is fairly high.
You have to decide if this is what you want for your life. Staying with him will NOT help him. And it won't help you.
2006-09-20 10:01:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Basically your way of "helping" him, is to stay and allow him to hurt you??? Only he is going to quit for him. Not for you, or anyone else.
The question you should be asking is "Am I going to be happy with loving a junkie?" Because that is what it comes down to. He promised you that he would stop, but his real "girlfriend" (drugs) has a bigger hold on him, then you do. Bet he don't break his promises to "her", does he??
You need to love yourself more, and realize that he needs help. And it's the kind you cannot provide him. I would break-up, for your sake.
2006-09-20 10:09:34 · answer #8 · answered by stolibabe2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to take it personal, he's an ADDICT!
Leave him alone, before you get hurt too bad.
He can only be helped by professionals.
Love NEVER got anyone off of drugs!
2006-09-20 10:13:05 · answer #9 · answered by red.cancer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tough love hunny leave him and if he really loves you when he hits rock bottom he will realize he needs help and get it then when you know he is ok take him back if you still care but believe me I have a brother that went through this and he hit rock bottom and then came to me for help. But remember also and addict is always addicted to something wether it be drugs, cleaning, people or NA/AA meetings you need to be willing to deal with all of this if you are not able then you need to leave now for your own piece of mind.
2006-09-20 14:33:58 · answer #10 · answered by susan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋