I have a 3 1/2 year old son who has always been very well behaved and well mannered, however, the past week he has been testing limits and mouthing off a lot. He was initially very excited about the birth of his sister 4 weeks ago and we didn't notice much of a behavior change, but we are seeing a steady increase in these negative behaviors and aren't really sure what the best approach is to stop them. I don't want to make any negative feelings toward his sister and cause resentment. I spend a great amount of time with them, as I am a stay-at-home mom with an in-home daycare, although naturally I have to spend a lot of time feeding and soothing the baby (she is a bit colicky). We still take him to fun places, play on-on-one with him and give him special treats. I am so frustrated with his behavior and between dealing with it and staying up all night with the baby I am getting to the end of my rope! Help...I want my good little boy back!!
2006-09-20 09:45:50 · 8 answers · asked by totspotathome 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
It is very common for children to be jealous of the newborn. He was the center of your world for 3 1/2 years and now he has to share mommy. He is feeling powerless. Make sure you take time everyday to show you're love. When baby is sleeping, read him a story, do an art project (make a Froot Loop necklace), and things that show he is the "big boy" (he can help mommy make dinner, help with the baby...getting a diaper, let him pick out baby's outfit...)
Help him to gain confidence by saying things like "You did that by yourself. Look how high you can climb! You used so may colors on your picture!" Let him know that you notice him. This is a great way to show attention and love and help his to feel powerful in a positive way.
Tell him that he is so lucky because he is a big brother (maybe even get him a big brother shirt). He can do so much more than a baby because he is older. If he keeps getting messages like these, he should start to feel more confident in his new world. Best of luck to you!
2006-09-20 10:20:12 · answer #1 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are seeing is an early indicator of sibling rivalry. Your son was not properly prepared, psychologically, about the coming of a new sister who will diminish the 100% attention he was used to.
At that age, your son is already capable of comprehension. Make him understand, through words and actions, that he is still loved and no less than when he was still alone. Also, explain to him that his sister needs to be taken cared of because she still does not know how to feed herself and others that he can do now as her big brother.
The key here is to make your son develop a greater sense of protectiveness over his sister so that instead of seeing her as a threat that deprives him of your attention, he would be more positively inclined to shift his attention more to caring for his sister. You will need to constantly reassure him, however, that he is still loved and that he is his sister's big brother. Also, promise him that in a little while, he will soon be asked to be the playmate of his sister who will be crawling soon and geting things into her mouth and may get into places that he must watch out for otherwise she'd be ill and sick.
2006-09-20 17:02:08 · answer #2 · answered by Bummerang 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being 3 1/2....he didn't understand what having a sister was going to do...she took you away from him...and that is all he sees...once she is sleeping all night, and gets a little older he should be fine. Ask him to help you feed the baby, get diapers for you...any little thing to help and tell him that he is a good big brother!
2006-09-20 17:06:43 · answer #3 · answered by Mom to Foster Children 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what do you do to make him feel like an important part of his new sister's life? He needs a special job or two that is ONLY his...so that he can feel like he is an important part of caring for her too. Be it the official "diaper getter" or in charge of knowing where the baby's pacifier or special blanket is at all times. Have him fold the "onsies" when you do laundry because he is the BEST at it...(see what I'm getting at?)
It's great that you make him feel special on his own, but he also needs to feel special to his baby sister...even at the times you have to care for her...
teach him how to pat her back gently when she needs to burp...or wipe her mouth is she spits up a bit...keep him actively involved - it will help!
2006-09-20 17:00:53 · answer #4 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother and sister-in-law dealt with this when they had their second child. One thing they did was get my nephew a toy he had been wanting and put, "Thanks for being such a good big brother! Love, Mazie" on the card. He thought it was great. They also had him "help" with her and let him hold her so they could bond. Once she started smiling and giggling, it got a lot easier as he would always try to make the baby laugh. Good luck!
2006-09-20 17:03:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems like you're taking the right steps but have you tried to talk to him about his behaviour and see what he feels abotu being neglected...
Its also hard to have someone new in the house so let him adjust as well, maybe give him some responsibilty that makes him feel more grown up and useful liek to help you in the house (but make is an agreeable chore)
2006-09-20 16:49:51 · answer #6 · answered by Meemah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello have you tried to include him into what you are doing with your baby like helping mommy get a dipper and baby powder things like that and always tell him he such a good big brother and that he is Mommy's little helper that worked for mine and i have three. 9yr,6yr and 3 years good luck hope it helps.
2006-09-20 20:20:19 · answer #7 · answered by kristy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my son did this to me for awhile and i just let him help feed his baby sister , with my guidance of course and i let him help me change her diaper and just all in all make him feel apart of her life as well, he felt more grown and we had fun doing it all together,
2006-09-20 23:34:16 · answer #8 · answered by regina p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋