What can I do about the father of my child?

Question

Im not sure what to do when I got pregnant my boyfriend was delighted and we set a wedding date. Now he called it off and wanted me to have an abortion. I refused, since then he has given up his £65K a year job and is now selling his house so I can get no money or no child maintenance. He may get a profit on his house of £100k. What should I do? Im thinking I should tell him to stick his money but he never sees the child? What is the correct thing to do?

Answer 1

You cant make your father's child be involved no more than he wants to be. It is quite unfortunate, but very common, to see this happen. I would suggest filing child support and informing them of what he is doing with the selling of his house and quitting of his job just to avoid responsibilities.

I would suggest just digging your heels in and getting ready to be the sole caretaker for your child. I mean, would you really want him involved if his immaturity is that high and he is avoiding taking care of your child at all costs?

But dont think for a second that he is getting away with everything. As long as you have his social security number, he cant do anything without your knowledge if you have filed child support on him. Not sure what state you are in, but here in Texas, even if he gets married to someone else, you can refile and add his spouse to the list and they would both be paying child support-Texas is a community property state. They will combine all financial statements from both. His issue now becomes her issue. So you may want to check out your state's laws on that. (People need to know what they are getting themselves into when they marry folks!)

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, God wont let him get away with anything. He is just shortening his life by not taking care of the blessed gift-your child-that was given to you both by God. Stay on your knees and pray because there is not easy way out of this and it wont be easy.

But also, do these things because they will help tremendously:
1. Get his SSN#
2. Get is DL#
3. Make sure you have the addresses to his parent's and friend's residences, as well as his current residence (in case he decides he wants to hide out)
4. Make sure you have the license plate number to his vehicle-even if he buys a new car, the license plate number will transfer to the new vehicle
5. Know where he banks and conducts his financial transactions
6. Keep a track of all the money he gives you be it actual dollars or material things, with dates, even if he buys a piece of candy!

Those things will help you. I have a dead beat dad and I know what you are about to go through.

Also, read this, it may help you...
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-zZeLsc88crUryAarWwdUwXUt?p=881

Answer 2

I was in the same boat as you, and when the CSA awarded my daughter maintenance, it was a pitiful £7.44, so to say the least I told them where to stick it. I've kept all the paperwork, so that when my daughter is older, and asks me why she didn't see her dad, I will have back up, that he is an ****. (It wasn't just about money, their were loads of other factors too) As I see it, you bring your child up the best you can, on your own, I know its scary but you can do it, refuse access unless he pays, but quite honestly if he can do what you said, he probably wont see your child anyway. So cut all ties now, so that you don't get hurt anymore and that your child doesn't get hurt AT ALL. At the end of the day, yourself or your child will have nothing to thank this man for in the future.

He's not a man, he's a mouse, and that's an insult to a mouse.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

Tell him that either way he will be there or you will fight for child support. And also if you have been living with him for awhile and got use to that life style you can take him to court and ask the judge for support, as well as the child support.... a lot of judges look down on the male if they are proven to be the father and doesnt want anything to do with it. And abortion is up to you, but I always see it as if you took the responsibility of making the child then you need to take the responsibility to take care of it. Many mothers having depression and aniexty after you do have that done. Just remember if you dont think you can take care of the child then theres always giving it up for adoption there is diffrent kinds of adoptions Ex: Open- adoption, where you can still be in contact with the new parents and get updates and pictures and even have supervised visits with that child. I really hope this helps you.

Answer 4

If he had the guts to quit his £65K a year job then that spells only one thing - the guy is not interested in you and the child.
The only option love is not to cry over spilt milk but to get on with your life and act as if you have never met the guy.Forget his material gains and try and raise that child in the best way you can and shower all your love to your child.Don't ever force your way into someone who doesn't love you as you will just be treated as pawn.
If your parents are not supporting you then you need to get a job as this bloke doesn't want you and the child to enjoy a penny of his.May this save as a lesson that in future use some protection in order to deter pregnancy and sexual diseases which include the deadly aids virus.If you pick yourself up well, who knows,he will try to claw back into your life and I would advice you to steer clear of him.
It is only through your resolve that you will be able to stand up proud and never depend on people like him.I hope your child will live to be proud of you, good luck!

Answer 5

hmm sounds like so many other dad's I know, or as my best friend call's her the "sperm donor". If he is that childish going to the extent to sell his house and quit his job so you can't have money, I would fight it all the way just to make him angry.. but thats me and probably not the best thing to do.

I would say if hes not in the childs life then it would be a decision you would have to make, do you want to try and push him to see him. He may only be around here and there and a lot of people say its better to have a dad then none. Thats bull! trust me Its better to not have a dad rather a dead beat dad. I don't have a great relationship with my dad Im glad I met him but I wish he would have never stayed around my whole life.
It goes down to how you feel about it and if you want to push him and take him to court, he could be a jerk and fight for custody.

Its a hard choice to make, I wish you the best of luck!
and try not to let him get you down!

Answer 6

Whether your ex wants to be a physical part of your childs life has nothing to do with it. He is still responsible for the financial upbringing. If your ex starts working again you are entitled to 20% of his gross wage. But even if he is not working he still has to provide support. This is only an extremely small amount. Approx £5 but believe me when your a single mother every little penny helps. Im not sure whether the amount of support he would have to provide is affected by his savings. But i would advise that you contact the CSA - Child Support Agency as soon as you can to discuss this matter with them and start your application. Your ex is as much responsible for the conception of your child as you are. I am quite sure he understood the "birds and the bees" and what contraception was if he didnt want to have to support a child he should have thought about it before he got you pregnant. Make him pay hun your really going to need it.

Answer 7

You need to do what is best for your child and yourself. I gather from your wording that you live in the UK, correct?
I am unfamiliar with the laws there as I am from the US and have never studied the laws regarding your country, frankly I have no clue where to start looking.
Frankly he is not ready to be a responsible parent, and probably wouldnt have been had you married him. His actions now are prepareing you for what kind of man he is going to be. You should never marry a man because he has fathered your child. That isnt fair to any of you. You, your child, or your childs father.
Since you are left with the majority of the responsibilty of the child, as I said you need to concentrate on what is best for you and the child.
While I dont condone abortion, I must tell you to do what you feel is the best thing. I wont preach my own moral values upon you, as my feelings are different and have no bounds upon you. As much as there is always someone to care for us, NO ONE CAN TAKE CARE OF US LIKE WE CAN TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES.
Give me a few days and I will try to help you find out what laws are in your favour in your country.
Knowledge is power without we accomplish nothing.
Our rights are only our rights when we know we have them.

Answer 8

Sounds like he's having a temper tantrum because he's not getting what he wants! Giving up his job and selling his house so he doesn't have to pay child support? What makes you think he wants access anyway? Let him quit and sell his house then leave him... millions of women have survived with out the father for their kids and they have become successful. Just be the best role model your child could have and always truly listen. This guy doesn't sound like he would be a good role model anyway.

Answer 9

He's an idiot.

He'd have had no problem paying child support with a good job, and selling his house won't get him off the hook, in fact, it'll make it worse since it'll now be in a liquid form: cash. It's far easier to get money out of someone when they have cash.

If he's going to work a minimum wage job, heh, he's in for a treat. Child support will comprise a MUCH higher percentage of his income.

What a moron.

Answer 10

That's tough...why the sudden change? Well, if he doesn't want to pay then why should he see the child? On the other hand though it's not that baby's fault and that baby deserves to have his or her father in their life. I would probably be a ***** though and tell him that if he doesn't want to help with the baby (like he helped making it) then he has no parental rights. After the baby is born you can have him sign over his rights if you really want..or at least you can try to have him sign over his rights or take him to court. That's a tough decision and you have to make the one you think will be the best for you and your child.