im ready for another baby but my partner isn't?

Question

we have a 13 month old son and now i'm feeling broody again and want to try for a girl. i respect that my partener wants to wait til half way through next year but i want to go back to college next september which ill be 3 days a week so it will be a year before i start and a year doing the course then i want to get a job, whereas if we started trying for a baby now they could both go into a creche together and by the time i finished i will feel better about leaving them to go to work full time. my partener doesn't understand this and i dont want to concieve during my education again and i dont want a four year gap between my kids. Now i dont know what to do, everytime i see a baby i get more and more broody!!!!!!!! HELP

Answer 1

This is a decision both of you have to make.. sit down, talk it out and come up with a situation that satisfies you both.

Answer 2

I think I understand you.
I asked a similar question 3weeks ago. I'm happy with my babies and I want more but my husband doesn't. In your case, you want the next baby now but he wants to wait. Both of you have a plan of your family for good so that you can't compromise.
I know how does it feel when you want another small new baby. It's an instinct. You can't stop wanting that. And if someone stop you, you feel so offended.
When I asked my question, some said that i had to give it up because my husband didn't want it. I was offended at first, but on the second thought, i noticed that was true. It doesn't work no matter how much I want. Relationship with my husband is more important.
So,I suggest you to try not to be emotional, think again, and there may be a point that you can agree with your partner. Maybe you can wait for four years? No?

Answer 3

Hi Samantha,

You are not alone. Many women mourn the loss of the opportunity to have another child. Sometimes the desire for a baby takes on a force so strong that a woman becomes not only frustrated, but depressed. Naturally, you must consider the consequences and weigh the balance of positive and negative influences that such a decision would have on your partner... and do not forget about your 13 month old son neither! He deserves 200% of your attention!

Your husband's refusal to rush the second child, is not a refusal to have a second one. Be patient! If he does not feel ready, the couple could be much dammaged if you put pressure on him.

As with any significant decision, you must feel your partner is listening but YOU too should listen to him: do not dictate him or make emotional pressure.

Be willing to respect his concerns rather than gloss over them or say 'yes but I ...'. Look deeply into your own motivation and you may find out that happy family is actually your main driver... do not jeopardize what seems to be happyness today.

Let your husband know that you are willing to listen to him and you want him to listen to you. Consider the following points in having this important discussion.

What is your vision of having two children?

Describe your best scenario and your worst scenario to one another. By being willing to describe the down side of your position, you will more likely to avoid polarizing, in which one of you holds only the positive and the other visualizes only the negative reality.

Address your partner's fears and concerns. Do not minimize the anxiety that having another child could cause him.
Do not look at too short term neither: what is 6 months or 1 year in a life?
Look for realistic solutions. Ask him to clarify what would need to change for him to consider the possibility. Also, expect him to talk with you about the impact that not having another child may have on you. Is there anything he can do to help you channel your creative energy in another way or support you if you choose to not have more children?

Spouses need to feel considered. Healthy marriage reauire some compromise. Staying connected through disappointment is crucial to the affection in your relationship. This is why a discussion is the prescribed medicine!

One of the worst mistakes spouses make is not to talk through conflicts that arise in the course of their lives. Avoiding the discussion is like having a teapot boil with no whistle to release the pressure. An issue that you feel this strongly about must be fully explored.
Having the discussion is the only way to make a joint decision, even if one of you must compromise your original position.

You will grow even more in your journey as a couple and family. From what you describe, he is with you but needs a little more time.
Let not materialistic convenience criterias in the next couple of years drive an all life time!

Cheers,

Answer 4

I think you should wait a bit. It could have a huge impact on you if you rush into another pregnancy when your partner isn't ready, it should be a decision you make together, don't make him feel steamrollered into it.
I have 2 kids and they are 4 years apart and I thought it was the right age difference, the older was at school so I had time for the baby, but thats just my opinion, they argue like mad now!!!
Just make sure it's a joint decision and what you both want.
Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Okay, first are you and your partner planning on staying together and getting married soon? A lot depends on this answer, if you are, tell your sons daddy exactly what you just said. Get his full attention and have full eye contact with him when pleading you case. My wife and I have seven children and she has been going to college for a lot of years, getting ready to start her law degree. And like you she would like to have one more baby, our youngest is 2. So if this is something that both of you want then you can make it happen and still go to college. Good Luck.

Answer 6

I see your point in this, and going to get an education is very important! as well as getting them used to be away from you. Have you explained your fears and concerns to your partner?
Also it is nice having children close to age I beleive. But thats just my opinion :) I think you should perhaps talk about your concerns and your hopes more, maybe if you bring it up more frequently your partner may get the hint you really want it and will agree.

may I ask what a Creche is?

Answer 7

well you know ur first baby y don't u spend time with the baby then have a baby when he is ready he is not ready and sometimes guys get overwhelmed and leave it would suck him leaving and u being a single parent...but i have one only and i love spending my time with just her sometimes its not fair having 2 almost the same time and one not getting the right amount of attention but when if u decide to wait til ur baby is 4 then when its time for u to have a baby the 4 yr old can teach the baby so much stuff and wont feel jealous cuz he/she is getting to help and ur toddler will potty train faster ,speak correctly faster, so much from learning from big sis or bro...Just take ur time having kids is awesome but also having more than one can also jeopardize ur relationship with ur spouse....if he is not ready he means it,,,i know u want another one so bad but get a puppy or my a kitty to fill that void til he is ready...

Answer 8

Well my main suggestion is this...dont try to get pregnant by deception. You will find yourself a single parent and no time to work on any of the goals you have set for yourself. Just talk to your spouse/significant other, and make him understand that you have set goals for yourself. Also, online schools are great if you just cant make it to a ground college and financial aid does pay for it. I attended the University of Phoenix and completed my Master's degree in two years, all online while my daughter was a baby. The classes are easy to follow and you attend class at your discretion, and they are only 6 weeks long as opposed to months at a ground college.

Just be open and upfront with your feelings. Yours are just as important as your mate's.

Answer 9

Hello; Maybe money may be in the way, thats why your partner wants to wait? Give all your time right now to your sweet baby, enjoy the time you have, go back to school, get your career first, work for awhile. Save up and when things start going better for your Family, then have another.Be fair to one another, THINK!

Answer 10

Personally, I wouldn't do it until both of you are ready. It is his baby, too. It is only fair that he is ready with you. I am sorry that you are feeling this way, though. It must be difficult. The feelings will pass eventually. If you guys can't come to an agreement, hang in there. It will be ok.

Answer 11

I understand the points that you and your partner are trying to make . . but at the same time, a baby is an important decision and when it happens (if planned, that is), it should be a mutual agreement . . . you wouldn't want to get pregnant now, and your partner not be ready for it, because he might grow to resent the baby and never want to spend time with it . ..